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Day-after party?

JuneKnottieJuneKnottie member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm getting married on a Friday evening.  The wedding is in my and my fiance's hometown, where our immediate families and many friends still reside.  We do have some out-of-town relatives and friends who are coming in for the wedding.
Both my parents and my fiance's mother have suggested that we have some sort of event Saturday, the day after the wedding, so that out-of-town relatives have a chance to visit.  Since we're (I am) already planning and hosting a rehearsal dinner and wedding, I didn't want to handle hosting a third event, but I suggested to both parties that if they'd like to arrange some sort of family event the day after the wedding, that would be lovely and we would certainly go.  Neither set of parents was interested in that.  Clearly, the expectation is that we host an informal Saturday event for all the people who made the trip into town for the wedding.  What is the appropriate thing to do here?  I thought hosting them for a wedding was adequate, but maybe that's not the case for a Friday wedding?  Is it customary and expected for the bride and groom to host a day-after event so the out of town guests have more opportunity to visit?  Are we being rude not hosting a brunch or maybe a picnic on Saturday?  If the expectation is that we host something, how do we go about informing our guests?  Thanks for your advice.
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Re: Day-after party?

  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The only wedding I have ever been to that did this hosted a casual day after party in the park with Costco food. They just added it to the RSVP card so guests could let them know if they planned to attend. I thought it was awesome but definitely not an expectation. The people that care about you won't want you spending outside your budget, starting your marriage in debt, just to host an extra party for them.
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    You are not obligated to host another event. I think you were right to suggest to your parents if they want an event, they can host it but you will not be hosting one. 
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    In our circle sometimes the parents/grandparents host a day-after brunch. But I agree that you shouldn't be forced into this. If your parents want one, let them plan it.


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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My mom suggested having a Saturday lunch or brunch but as it turns out we will have to celebrate FIs dads bday that next night so my family thing is probably out. Boo
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2015
    You're not obligated to do more hosting. Tell everyone, "Hey, we're happy to join you for informal post-wedding get-togethers, but we are not able to do more hosting after the wedding. If you're looking for a hosted event, I'm sorry, but we can't oblige you. Someone else will have to host it. Our decision is final." Don't explain or defend your decision.
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  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    You are not obligated to host anything. Especially because you and your new husband will want to be able to come and go as you please. And not have stress!
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Hell no.  I'm personally not a fan of day-after shenanigans.....all I can think of is how I assume the bride and groom would rather be in a blanket fort doing the deed all day.  

    Personal feelings aside, I think what you suggested to your families is perfect.  If they think something should be hosted, they should be the ones to handle it.  Wedding etiquette/expectations do not change just because the wedding is on Friday :)
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    We are also having a Friday PM wedding. But we are not doing anything on Saturday. It's not necessary. I know my FI and I will be out on Saturday, so if people want to meet up, I'm sure they'll ask.

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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Once you have properly hosted your guests at your wedding, your work is done. You are not obligated to host any after-parties, brunches, etc. 
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  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I was too busy enjoying my first day of being a newlywed by having sex with my new husband all day after our wedding that I wouldn't want to be bothered with family.

    Since you have been dating, you both should already know the #1 rule of a relationship: establishing boundaries. This is the time to do so with families. They don't like it, too bad. There's always the holidays and other weekends to visit, but not right after a couple has been wedded.
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  • notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    I don't think it's expected but I think it's the nice thing to do. We're doing a day after party (my man of honour is calling it a "debrief" LOL) for whoever wants to come. It's going to be super casual, we'll probably do a costco run for salads and snacks, and then we'll have hamburgers and the like on the grill.

    We want to have it as a thank you to everyone who helped and as a way to spend as much time as we can with the people who came in from out of town.

    I think it's a nice idea but certainly not required or necessary.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You aren't being rude and especially with a wedding based in the hometown, I don't think it's necessary.

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  • peachy13peachy13 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    As others have stated you have no obligation to host a day-after party. It's not expected and it's definitely not rude to not have one. Most weddings I attend do not have a day-after party, with one exception: I attended a wedding out-of-state and the parents of the bride held a Sunday afternoon backyard BBQ on the day after the wedding. It was totally casual and optional to attend, and the details were on the wedding website for anyone interested. It was cute and generous but definitely not expected.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would never expect to see a bride and groom the morning/day after their wedding. 

    "Back in the day", most newly wedded couples departed for their honeymoon the day after their wedding.  Today post wedding trips have become more flexible, but that does not mean the bride and groom should be obliged to host, or even visit with guests following their wedding.

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  • XrebeccaXXrebeccaX member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    It was a nice idea but it would have been nicer if they were also offering to host. :)

    I have been to out of town weddings where people just sort of agreed to have brunch or whatever on their own the next day - and left the bride and groom to their own plans. So if people really want to get together and visit with each other they can certainly pick a restaurant and do this. It often happens organically, people need to eat, they just agree to all do it in the same place. So that might happen.

    Or someone could change their mind and host something. But you are not obligated to do anything.
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  • mrscomposermrscomposer member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    Nope, you're hosting a wedding.  You don't need to host anything the next day.  If people want to hang out and visit, that's up to them, and they can take care of it themselves.

    That being said, we DID have coffee, muffins & fruit available at the hall the morning after our wedding, for people to come and say hi and grab breakfast before they left town.  It was mostly because we had the hall until 3:00pm that day and thought it was nice for people travelling.  We showed up about halfway through the morning and got to see a few people, but we were heading there to start cleaning up the hall, not necessarily to visit.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Not necessary at all.

    I hosted breakfast the next morning for my in-laws since we were all at the same resort. My folks stayed elsewhere. It was specifically to thank them for covering the bill for our reception dinner the night before. We ended up hanging out with our families for a few days afterwards though since we had a DW.

    I wouldn't expect a bride and groom to host anything the next day. I certainly didn't want to get up the next morning right away!
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