Costs for wedding guests

Re: Costs for wedding guests

• yogapants member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  Yup. The three weddings we're attending this year (I'm a bridesmaid in one, he's the best man in another) are going to cost us about 5k - my dad generously offered to let us book flights for the one in Albuquerque using his Delta miles, since he flies all the time for work, so that knocked our out of pocket cost down to about 4k.

  
  

  Damn, we could've taken a nice (domestic) trip for 4-5k. 

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• blabla89 member

  

  April 2015

  Yikes! I've been lucky that I've never had to spend that much. But I have a feeling my cousin will be having a black tie wedding in NYC in the next year or two, so that's going to change soon enough.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  April 2015

  Add me to the list.     DH's sister got married last year.  It was over $3k for us.

  
  

  His brother gets married next year.  I expect about the same.   Both are/were OOT.    

  
  

  
  

  We are going to a wedding in a few weeks.  It's local.  I'm so happy.   I think we are giving them cash.  If not one of his more expensive registry gifts.  Regardless it will be way less than we spent on the last 5 OOT weddings we have attended.  

  
  

  One of those were about $6K.  Granted it was in Europe, but still, not cheap.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• sarahufl member

  

  April 2015

  We spent thousands last year. We went to 10 weddings including our own. Who knows what the grand total was.

  
  

  We have friends all over the place and we are fortunate that we can afford it, but we are both relieved that this year we have 1 wedding and it is local.

  
  

  I joked that we should stop giving our friends gifts because we basically passed around the same $200 to our friends over the course of a year or two because we all got married.

  
  

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• lovemyrunner member

  

  April 2015

  I'm happy to hear cash is still the most popular gift.  We're not registering since we've both maintained separate households and don't need anything.  We'd much rather receive cash to go to a down payment on a house.  Don't worry, no honeyfunds or cute poems to make people give us money.  We're just not registering and hoping that will do the trick.  But several guests are now getting antsy and saying they want to give gift and we should register and blah, blah, blah.  I don't think the cash gift is quite as prevalent here in the midwest as it is on the coasts.
  

  
  
  

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• RosieC18 member

  

  April 2015

  I'm also interested in "cash as the most common gift" because we didn't get any. I'm not complaining, we got lovely gifts from on and off our registry (not to mention that no one owed us anything at all!), but I was a little surprised. We did get 2 target gift cards, but no checks or cash at a wedding of around 100 guests and 180 invited.
  
  

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• annathy03 member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  lovemyrunner said:

  I'm happy to hear cash is still the most popular gift.  We're not registering since we've both maintained separate households and don't need anything.  We'd much rather receive cash to go to a down payment on a house.  Don't worry, no honeyfunds or cute poems to make people give us money.  We're just not registering and hoping that will do the trick.  But several guests are now getting antsy and saying they want to give gift and we should register and blah, blah, blah.  I don't think the cash gift is quite as prevalent here in the midwest as it is on the coasts.
  

  As long as you have some space, I think in this case it can be good to register for some new sheets/towels or other items that wear out and you'd have to replace eventually anyhow.  You don't have to by any means, but some people just flat out only give physical gifts and giving them a small registry helps minimize the chance that they pick something you end up tossing when you move in to that house.

  
  

  Travel is by far the biggest cost for us.  We moved out of state after college and the only local weddings we've had are ours and my sisters (ours confirmed for them they didn't want to plan something elaborate and got married the next day in a chapel).  We're fortunate that we can afford it but I'm glad to have the 8-10 wedding years behind us, this year looks like 2.

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• tcnoble member

  

  April 2015

  It's oddly nice to hear how expensive weddings can be to attend... and makes me feel better that we've had to decline because of costs before. DH always seemed to think I was being over dramatic with what it costs to attend OOT weddings, and why we couldn't afford it. We don't live near any of our oldest friends, so weddings that come up always require travel and hotel.

  
  

  As for the cash gifts - PP mentioned that it doesn't seem as common in the midwest. We just had our wedding and about 75% of our guests were family/friends from the midwest... safe to say almost 100% of those guests gave us gifts off the registry, while our more local (CA/NV) guests gave us cash. Interesting observation.

  

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• littlepep member

  

  April 2015

  One year I was in three weddings. I don't know how much I spent in total. Luckily they were all fairly local (no flights), but I'm still sure I spent several thousands of dollars. 

  

  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2015

  I'm not surprised. OOT weddings add up so fast.

  
  

  For SIL's wedding this weekend, we spent about $3K between b-party, BM dress, H's tux, flights, hotel, gifts, etc. Let me tell you how thrilled I am to have learned on the day of the wedding that it was a PPD. 

  
  

  I love weddings, but I'm so glad that this will likely be our last one for a while. My wallet can't take it. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2015

  Last year, we had 9 weddings....that we attended. Only 2 were local. A couple were driving distance (2-4 hours), but we still stayed in a hotel. It was an expensive year. But it's just that time in our lives. 

  
  

  This year we only have one. So far. But I think there will be a shit ton of baby showers. Two that I already know I'm invited to. A bunch of good friends are TTC right now, so crossing my fingers for them! And if no one offers to throw them a shower, I will. I fucking love throwing parties.

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• redheadbride15 member

  

  April 2015

  I had to decline a wedding for one of my closest friends a few years ago because of costs and I felt REALLY guilty. However, it was going to be close to $2k and it came at a time when FI was unemployed and I was transitioning between jobs so we were eating our savings (literally) every day.
  

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• kvruns member

  

  April 2015

  I've only attended one OOT and it was driving distance and split gas and hotel with 2 friends so it was reasonable. Most I've spent was for a local one last summer because I was a BM so by the time I added up all the costs it was $500-600

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  April 2015

  We got about 90% cash gifts at our wedding, in the Midwest. The majority of guests were local. More of the boxed gifts came from out-of-towners.
  
  Most I've spent was almost $3k as a BM for a wedding in Brazil plus an AHR. Otherwise it's maybe $300-500 between shower gift, bachelorette party, outfit, wedding gift. Upper end if we need a hotel or it's close family. One out of state wedding requiring airfare was closer to $800 I think. So far this year they're all local, and with neither of us drinking we won't need any hotel rooms.

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