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Small destination wedding with kids... How to invite family?

sugarhoneyicedteasugarhoneyicedtea member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Second Weddings
We are planning on tying our nuptials into a family vacation with our children.  The only people that we've officially announced our plan to is his sister and I've mentioned it to my mom.  It's not a true elopement because there's no reason to keep it a secret, but as long as our kids are there we're pretty indifferent about who else attends, but we do want immediate family to know it's ok if they would like to join us.  The way I put it to my mom is "This is what we're doing.  We'd love to have our family with us, but we understand if people can't make it".  That said I still feel it's proper to send paper invites to our immediate family, but how do you word it so they don't feel as though it's an obligation.  Maybe just a wedding announcement with the date, then leave it us to them to contact us for more specific information?  Thoughts, ideas, suggestions!?
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Re: Small destination wedding with kids... How to invite family?

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    Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    If you are truly indifferent about who attends other than your kids, you are better off  not inviting anyone else. I say this because you must properly host anyone who attends and follow proper etiquette, even if it's informal and it's family. So, you will need to send out invites, collect RSVPs, figure out some type of reception plan (even it's just a meal after the wedding) and then host them after the ceremony. So, to me, it's kind of an "all or nothing" type thing. You either invite them/do the invitation thing or just send out wedding announcements immediately after you are married with only your kids present.

     







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    sugarhoneyicedteasugarhoneyicedtea member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Good point.  I think I take for granted that since our immediate family is so small invitations are a detail we can overlook, but not really.  So this answers my question.  We genuinely want to have them there, but at the end of the day the show will go on no matter what- so that is where the indifference comes from.  Also, we are getting married on a Wednesday which is obviously non-traditional date and it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything for us just because we've decided to deviate from the norm.  Thanks for the perspective!  
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015
    Invitations are not a court summons.  Anyone - family member, or otherwise - is free to accept or decline your invitation.  Your obligation is to properly host any guests who accept with a reception (serving food and drink) and to thank them for coming to your ceremony.

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue Name (Place of ceremony)
    Address
    City, State

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    kellyem2kellyem2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Probably the easiest thing to do would be to send the invitations and then speak to people in person about the plans. Just be careful with phrasing so you make it clear that they're definitely welcome, you just don't want to put pressure on people to make difficult travel plans.

    Saying something like "We don't care if you come" can definitely be taken the wrong way. haha
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015
    sugarhoneyicedtea said:

    Good point.  I think I take for granted that since our immediate family is so small invitations are a detail we can overlook, but not really.  So this answers my question.  We genuinely want to have them there, but at the end of the day the show will go on no matter what- so that is where the indifference comes from.  Also, we are getting married on a Wednesday which is obviously non-traditional date and it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything for us just because we've decided to deviate from the norm.  Thanks for the perspective!  

    Embarrassing true story:  Widowed FIL was being remarried.  He invited DH over the telephone.  I told DH to go ahead and go alone, which is fine.  Chose very nice gift.  When DH arrived on the plane, no one was aware that he was coming.  He had received no written invitation.  I guess he wasn't really invited.  The couple refused our gift, and told us to return it.
    Moral of story:  ALWAYS send written invitations!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    sugarhoneyicedtea said:

    Good point.  I think I take for granted that since our immediate family is so small invitations are a detail we can overlook, but not really.  So this answers my question.  We genuinely want to have them there, but at the end of the day the show will go on no matter what- so that is where the indifference comes from.  Also, we are getting married on a Wednesday which is obviously non-traditional date and it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything for us just because we've decided to deviate from the norm.  Thanks for the perspective!  

    The invitation cannot be worded in any polite way beyond the normal wording to indicate "it's okay if you don't come." The whole point of the invitation is to request the pleasure of the company (or the honor of the presence, if the ceremony is at a house of worship) of the very same guests you are also saying you're indifferent about inviting. It is a hurtful and insulting message to receive. If you're indifferent about inviting them, just leave them off your guest list. If you do want them to attend, then just word your invitations the normal correct way.
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