Talk some sense into me knotties!

Re: Talk some sense into me knotties!

• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2015

  Are you sure everyone expects this to be some grand event? Like they've said to you, "We expect a grand party, so you better deliver."

  
  

  I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say you're probably creating some of these expectations in your own head. You strike me as a perfectionist. Not because others demand it, but because you demand it of yourself. 

  
  

  Keep in mind that as long as you have chairs for everyone, adequate shelter, no gap, good food/drinks, and good music, your wedding will be just fine. Extra stuff you decide to do is TOTALLY on you.

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• blabla89 member

  

  April 2015

  Your loved ones are coming to see you and your FI get married. That's what the day is all about. Five years from now your guests won't even remember what your tables looked like or whether you had the brand of vodka that they like to drink.
  
  As long as you're hosting everyone properly (sufficient food for the time of day, a chair for every person, etc.) then you are all good. If someone doesn't think your wedding is fancy enough, then they are the rude one.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• larrygaga member

  

  April 2015

  Well personally I am hosting the least white trash wedding that has ever been hosted on either side of our families.

  
  

  That helped me feel better about it!

  
  

  Your expectations are going to be a lot higher than anyone elses. Only you will really remember the centerpieces, how the programs look, etc. Everyone else will remember if they had a good time or not. So, if you have alcohol, keep it flowing. Feed everyone good food and play some good dance music. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• novella1186 member

  

  April 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  Are you sure everyone expects this to be some grand event? Like they've said to you, "We expect a grand party, so you better deliver."

  
  

  I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say you're probably creating some of these expectations in your own head. You strike me as a perfectionist. Not because others demand it, but because you demand it of yourself. 

  
  

  Keep in mind that as long as you have chairs for everyone, adequate shelter, no gap, good food/drinks, and good music, your wedding will be just fine. Extra stuff you decide to do is TOTALLY on you.

  This. 

  
  

  My family is known for throwing pretty over-the-top affairs. So I assumed there were some high expectations for my wedding, but I've learned over the months that people generally don't expect big things unless you tell them to. 

  
  

  For example, my two vegetarian cousins were extremely flattered that I thought to order something vegetarian for them. They said "Oh wow, that sounds so delicious. Thank you for being so thoughtful!" Whereas I assumed it was expected/normal to make sure everyone had something to eat. 

  
  

  A couple people have asked me if they should bring cash (so sad that people think this is necessary these days) and were blown away when I said, "No, open bar. No one has to pay for anything." 

  
  

  Just by having the basics-- food and beverages and seats-- people are already excited and thinking I went above and beyond. They didn't automatically expect some huge lavish thing, even though that's kind of the norm. So there ya go. 

  

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• bizzy592 member

  

  April 2015

  I completely get what you mean. For me, going above and beyond is all about other people. Finding the perfect present, creating the perfect moment - it's a gift to people you love. But with a wedding, because it's 'my special day' *shudder*, it feels inwardly focused, and therefore selfish. Something to remember, is that even though the day is celebrating you and the person you love, wedding is primarily a thank you to guests.
  
  I'm sure, based on everything you've said, that you've already planned an amazing day, and that you don't need to do another thing to be a completely gracious host. And I do understand the feeling, of not knowing when you're done, when the task is complete. If, no matter how much you brainstorm, how much you research, you cannot find any way to increase the comfort of your guests - I think you're good. At that point you're just gilding the lily.
  
  
  

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• louxnoelle member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  I'm currently in the planning phase where absolutely every single piece of decor I see either looks a) like something I should add into my plans immediately, or b) so much better than what I have, why did I think I could plan a wedding, I suck.

  
  

  Just a few days ago, my BFF laid out all of my elements in front of me and told me to look at things from a guest's point of view. Instead of seeing it with bride-vision, I was able to appreciate how lovely and detailed things are, and that I am, in fact, making this shit happen.

  
  

  Maybe you could take a second to breathe, and walk yourself through the day start-to-finish from a guest's point of view. Notice this, notice that, as though you're seeing it for the first time. Give yourself credit for what you've done so far, and trust that you know what you're doing (it sounds it from your familial reputation!) and that your day will be beautiful.

  
  

  Also, at the end of everything, you're married to the love of your life! Yay!

  
  

  ETF: rogue commas

  
  

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• 500days member

  

  April 2015

  Just remember that when the day comes, you will probably forget a couple details. But ya know what? No one will notice and you won't care because it is your wedding day! I say, listen to the ladies here (they are so wise!) and just enjoy the last 2 months of being engaged...I know I will be

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• classicalandedgy member

  

  April 2015

  Thanks everyone for the reality check. I know these are my issues. I have had random people say they are so excited for certain things, but we are not doing any of the wedding rituals no first dance, no cake cutting, no parent dances basically we just wanted a party, so I'm most definitely over thinking things!
  
  

  

   

   

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