My parents divorced when I was in kindergarten; my mom met a man just a few years later who she later married. We were unable to get along until my final years of high school; he cared about me, but sucked at parenting, yelling, screaming, threatening violence, belittling, and picking at me until he started arguments. He financially helped support me however, as well as attending every major life and sporting event to be supportive of me. When I became an adult, and the power balance shifted more towards equal, his behaviour mostly stopped, and we've got along quite well over the past ten or so years.
My biological father however, has never left the picture. We've always been very close. He never yelled, always took the time to explain things to me, and raised my self-esteem daily. He taught me how to be compassionate and see things from the perspective of other people, and always treated me with respect. However, he was often broke, and having been unable or unwilling to pay child support much of the time in a joint custody situations, wound up in a court battle AFTER I was an adult and had left home, that left him in worse financial straits than he was originally.
Now, just a few years later... a wedding is in the works, and I told my mom that my dad was walking me down the aisle, but I'd have 2 father/daughter dances, and was open to other suggestions that would ensure he wouldn't feel unacknowledged, like doing a reading, or having the two of them walk in in front of me or something.
But she apparently tried to push my stepdad into feeling like it was his right to help walk me down the aisle... and now she wants them to share the honor, either walking me in one on each side, or splitting the walk. It wasn't complicated, and now it is. I already told my dad months ago that he was going to do the honours.
I only want to honour the close relationship between myself and my father. I don't want my stepdad to feel shunted. But I feel like if I bring this up, my dad is going to feel like I'm adding insult to injury, because they aren't on good terms, and divided families often bring loyalty issues into question.
I don't know how to navigate this issue =(