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How to tell my mom she needs to board her dogs for the bridal shower...

MrsV1009MrsV1009 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Help!!! 

My sister and MOH is planning my bridal shower. At first she was thinking my mom's house, but my mom has a menagerie of animals inside her home (2 cats, a bird, and 2 dogs - 1 large and 1 medium sized). My sister is now rethinking places to have the shower because she is worried the dogs will be a problem, even if my mom offers to lock them in their crates in the spare bedroom. My MOH/sister fears they will be barking and making noise even if they are crated, and she won't be able to prepare or get anything done in preparation for the shower with the dogs running around the house all crazy. 

My mom is VERY sensitive and was really looking forward to being a part of everything by having the shower at her house..and she is extra sensitive about anything having to do with her animals. I'm afraid if we suggest boarding the animals for the day of the shower, she might take offense and think we are telling her that her animals are misbehaved (which they are, but I don't want to come across that way). My question is, how do I approach the subject of boarding the dogs with my sensitive mom? Should we just throw in the towel and suggest having the shower somewhere else? I don't want to hurt her feelings :( Any advice would be appreciated!
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Re: How to tell my mom she needs to board her dogs for the bridal shower...

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie42866393 said:

    Help!!! 


    My sister and MOH is planning my bridal shower. At first she was thinking my mom's house, but my mom has a menagerie of animals inside her home (2 cats, a bird, and 2 dogs - 1 large and 1 medium sized). My sister is now rethinking places to have the shower because she is worried the dogs will be a problem, even if my mom offers to lock them in their crates in the spare bedroom. My MOH/sister fears they will be barking and making noise even if they are crated, and she won't be able to prepare or get anything done in preparation for the shower with the dogs running around the house all crazy. 

    My mom is VERY sensitive and was really looking forward to being a part of everything by having the shower at her house..and she is extra sensitive about anything having to do with her animals. I'm afraid if we suggest boarding the animals for the day of the shower, she might take offense and think we are telling her that her animals are misbehaved (which they are, but I don't want to come across that way). My question is, how do I approach the subject of boarding the dogs with my sensitive mom? Should we just throw in the towel and suggest having the shower somewhere else? I don't want to hurt her feelings :( Any advice would be appreciated!
    You don't.  This is the problem of the hosts of the party, not the honoree.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Liatris2010 said:


    Knottie42866393 said:

    Help!!! 


    My sister and MOH is planning my bridal shower. At first she was thinking my mom's house, but my mom has a menagerie of animals inside her home (2 cats, a bird, and 2 dogs - 1 large and 1 medium sized). My sister is now rethinking places to have the shower because she is worried the dogs will be a problem, even if my mom offers to lock them in their crates in the spare bedroom. My MOH/sister fears they will be barking and making noise even if they are crated, and she won't be able to prepare or get anything done in preparation for the shower with the dogs running around the house all crazy. 

    My mom is VERY sensitive and was really looking forward to being a part of everything by having the shower at her house..and she is extra sensitive about anything having to do with her animals. I'm afraid if we suggest boarding the animals for the day of the shower, she might take offense and think we are telling her that her animals are misbehaved (which they are, but I don't want to come across that way). My question is, how do I approach the subject of boarding the dogs with my sensitive mom? Should we just throw in the towel and suggest having the shower somewhere else? I don't want to hurt her feelings :( Any advice would be appreciated!
    This is between your mother and sister. Stay out of it.
    This.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    If your sister asks for advice then perhaps mention that there would be a lot of allergens in the home that the guests would be exposed to.   
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie42866393 said:

    Help!!! 


    My sister and MOH is planning my bridal shower. At first she was thinking my mom's house, but my mom has a menagerie of animals inside her home (2 cats, a bird, and 2 dogs - 1 large and 1 medium sized). My sister is now rethinking places to have the shower because she is worried the dogs will be a problem, even if my mom offers to lock them in their crates in the spare bedroom. My MOH/sister fears they will be barking and making noise even if they are crated, and she won't be able to prepare or get anything done in preparation for the shower with the dogs running around the house all crazy. 

    My mom is VERY sensitive and was really looking forward to being a part of everything by having the shower at her house..and she is extra sensitive about anything having to do with her animals. I'm afraid if we suggest boarding the animals for the day of the shower, she might take offense and think we are telling her that her animals are misbehaved (which they are, but I don't want to come across that way). My question is, how do I approach the subject of boarding the dogs with my sensitive mom? Should we just throw in the towel and suggest having the shower somewhere else? I don't want to hurt her feelings :( Any advice would be appreciated!
    I don't think YOU need to say anything as the guest of honor. If the hosts are that worried about the dogs, they should definitely look into other places to have the shower. I'm not sure what you mean about your mom being "sensitive", but unless it is an diagnosed mental or emotional issue, then Mom's going to have to deal. She will get over not having the shower at her house. I don't think it's o.k. to ask her to board the dogs when she's been generous enough to offer her home for the shower.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    lyndausvi said:

    I don't care you you are, no one is telling me when to lock up my dogs.   They are my dogs, in my home and I make the choice.


    If your sister is worried about then your sister should pick a different place.  You can certainly say that will the all the animals it might not be the best locations.  Hopefully she will get the hint they need to be locked up somewhere.  She might be disappointed, but that's life.
    And this.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I also want to be clear that I'm not advising that the MOB board the dogs.   I'm saying that if the home isn't the best place then "people could have allergy issues even if the dogs are in another room" is the first nice thing that popped into my head.

    I don't think you can tell people what to do in their home.   You wouldn't get away with telling me to find a sitter for the kids that day if the party was in my house and I wouldn't tell a smoker not to light up in her own kitchen.  
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    The shower should just be held elsewhere if the dogs are going to be a problem. From what you've posted, it sounds like your MOH/sister have already decided that they don't want the dogs around and it's not right to tell someone what to do with their own animals at their home.
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  • themuffinman16themuffinman16 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    It is April, can't the dogs be outside for a couple of hours, provided that your mother doesn''t live somewhere really hot?  They don't need to be boarded.  
       Nobody needs to tell her this, though.  I am sure she knows to keep her animals in a separate place for a party.  My mother's boyfriend is extremely allergic to cats. My house is always vacuumed and the cat is always in the bedroom when he comes over. Nobody has to tell me to do it, either.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well, YOU do nothing. Your sister and MOH need to deal with this. It would be inappropriate of them to ask mom to board her dogs. It's her house! If your sister and your MOH don't want to worry about dogs, then they need to find another venue. 

    If your mom still wants to be involved, she can be in charge of something else - like decorations, food, cake, etc. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    themuffinman16 said:

    It is April, can't the dogs be outside for a couple of hours, provided that your mother doesn''t live somewhere really hot?  They don't need to be boarded.  

       Nobody needs to tell her this, though.  I am sure she knows to keep her animals in a separate place for a party.  My mother's boyfriend is extremely allergic to cats. My house is always vacuumed and the cat is always in the bedroom when he comes over. Nobody has to tell me to do it, either.
    Good in theory, but depending on the dog it could be worse in another room.   My bulldog specifically loves company.  He actually thinks they are there for him.   If he was in another room or even outside it would be hell.  He would bark so much to be where you are it would be so distracting.     Once the initial hellos are done he would just lay down and sleep.

    Our rescue wouldn't have a problem though.  You can put him anywhere and he is good.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yeah.... see... if anyone told me I needed to remove MY dogs (or cats, or guinea pigs, or fish, for that matter) from THEIR OWN home, for that person's party?  I'd be kicking that person out unceremoniously on his or her ass.

    That's the dogs' home.  Not yours.  Not your sister's.

    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    1. this is not your business.  it is between your sister and your mother.  stay out of it.

     

    2. you cannot put restrictions on the host of an event.  if you want to ue your mom's house for free, you can't ask her to get rid of her dogs.  that would be like me saying "hey mom, excited to use your house for the baby shower, but i just feel like the walls should be painted pink, you know?  just for the day!"  her house, her rules.  if your sister doesn't want the dogs there, she should plan to have it somewhere else.

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So your sister is rethinking locations. Sounds like your sister has it under control and you're trying to start shit where there ain't shit. Don't start shit. No one likes that.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ditto PPs that YOU do nothing. And your sister should not ask your mom to board her dogs - not her dogs, not her house (I'm assuming), not her call. The most she can do is tell your mom "sorry, it's not going to work out having the shower at your house after all, because we need the space to be dog-free. I'm looking into these locations instead." Again, you do nothing, except maybe back your sister up as the host, if your mom tries to bring you into it.

    If it means that much to your mom have the shower at her house, maybe she'll volunteer to board the dogs. If she doesn't though none of you can ask her to. Completely out of line.
    image
    image
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I hosted a shower for my sister.  The shower was in our brother & SILs home.  They have two dogs.  I let my SIL decide for herself what to do with her dogs.  It was not my place to tell her to board them or not.  In the end my SIL boarded the dogs for the day.  This is not your place to get involved.
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