Chit Chat

Please reassure me that all of this will be okay (warning: vent ahead)

simcal18simcal18 member
500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
edited April 2015 in Chit Chat
So we're a little less than 12 weeks out until our wedding, and in the past week or so we've hit some speed bumps that are giving me some serious anxiety.  I keep trying to tell myself that everything is going to work out in the long run, but I am having a hard time calming myself down, and would really appreciate stories from people who hit other similar bumps (or worse) and came out the other end fine.  Major apologies for the vent and TIA for listening--I could just use a little reassurance (or alternatively, a GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR AND FIX THIS NOW talk).

Things that are causing me anxiety, in no particular order:

(1)  The priest who was supposed to be marrying us in our Catholic ceremony passed away this past weekend.  :-(  He was a really sweet man, very accommodating, and incredibly welcoming to my Jewish FI.  We both liked him a lot and are really sad (1) that he died and (2) that he don't be marrying us.  The church where we are having our Catholic ceremony has other priests, but I don't know them well, and I'm worried that we're not going to be able to keep our same ceremony plan.  I'm going to go over to the church to talk to them next week (I'm sure with the priest's recent passing that a wedding 12 weeks away is the last thing on their mind), but it just stinks.  Really stinks.  For the parish and for FI and I.

(2)  My dress doesn't fit.  Like, will-not-zip-over-my-fatass-hips doesn't fit.  I bought it as a sample gown 7 months ago and it totally zipped and was even a bit loose.  15 pounds and a historically crappy winter later .  .  . nope.  The top is fine but the hip area is a no-go.  I have never been so mortified in my life as when I took it to the tailor and it wouldn't zip up.  She has assured me that I have plenty of time to lose the weight and that worst case scenario the issue can be fixed with a corset back, and I've been super strict with my diet since this happened 9 days ago and have lost 6 1/2 pounds since then, but .  .  . I am too fat for my dress right now.  And I hate myself and my body for it, and I don't want a corset back because the dress has buttons down literally the entire back head to toe, and I feel like if it has a corset back it will just advertise to the world that I was too fat for the dress.  And FMIL wants to come with me to the next fitting and I really don't want her there to see my fat butt hanging out of my dress that won't zip.

(3)  Literally all of my family is OOT.  I set up room blocks in two separate hotels, but almost everyone is trying to stay at the hotel where FI and I will be.  Our wedding is Saturday, so I booked a bunch of Friday and Saturday rooms with a few on Thursday as well.  Well, practically EVERYBODY is coming in on Thursday, and some are even coming in on Wednesday.  So I keep having to call the hotel to expand the Thursday room block because I'm getting constant calls from my family that Thursday is sold out, and they won't even give us the block rate for Wednesday since the hotel is almost sold out that night, and I feel like an incredibly crappy host for not booking this room block better and making it so hard on my guests who are spending all this time and money to come out here for us.

Again, apologies for the vent and the super long post.  I just needed to get all of this off my chest.

Re: Please reassure me that all of this will be okay (warning: vent ahead)

  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Deep breath. It will all be okay. Does your dress have any seam allowance to be let out? Most wedding dresses do, so ask your seamstress about it.


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  • blabla89 said:

    Deep breath. It will all be okay. Does your dress have any seam allowance to be let out? Most wedding dresses do, so ask your seamstress about it.


    I asked her and she said that it didn't.  But to be honest, I didn't even really see her look.
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Deep breaths! 

    I'm very sorry about your priest. Hopefully talking to someone else will help reassure you about the ceremony. 

    As far as the dress, try not to think about it right now. At my last fitting, my dress was too tight up top as well. Partly because I was on my period so I was super bloated and partly, I think, because she added these cups that took up a ton of space. You have plenty of time to lose weight and your seamstress is right. They can always make adjustments to make it fit. One of my friends actually had hers taken out and it worked out fine. I know it feels crappy, but it will work out. 

    For the block, it sounds like you blocked two hotels, but everyone is preferring one over the other? You can only do so much here. You blocked rooms and you can't control when the hotel fills up. I realize that sucks, but you've done what you can. There's not a way for you to control the hotel's capacity. 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Oh honey.

    Deeeeeeeeep breaths.

    1) I'm so sorry the priest you were getting married with passed. But I doubt the other priests will make you completely reconfigure your entire wedding this close. It might be different if nothing was set in stone, but... at 12 weeks I figure a fair amount of stuff is set in stone. It will be okay. It sucks, for your parish and for you and your FI, but it will be okay.

    2) YOU GOT THIS GIRL! You're down almost half already. Keep it up! (Healthily!!!!!) And ... maybe tell FMIL that you're not taking anyone to this fitting, and make an effort to include her in your last fitting? This wouldn't be the last one, would it?

    3) You tried to predict people's level of excitement about your wedding. Your predictions were wrong, in the bestest way possible - they want to come and get their party shoes on three days early! People are SUPER excited for your wedding, and they want to get there and visit! It's good problems to have, although it does suck for your guests that can't get the block rate at the hotel with y'all. Make it up to them if you can with a nice chill get-together with, like, pizza or something easy and inexpensive. If you can't, ain't no thang, you have all the people excited and happy to see you marry your FI! If it makes you feel any better, I'm not even doing a room block. :D
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    1) It'll be okay. As I remember, you were planning on a couple things that usually aren't allowed in a Catholic wedding, so I can understand your concern there. If they make you change it, it's not the end of the world. I'm sorry that this kind priest with whom you had a relationship passed away, for you and for the parish that I'm sure loved him.

    2) I would turn down FMIL. She can get over it and having her there will only stress you out more, even if there's no need. The wedding's still 12 weeks away - you can do this!

    3) I don't think anyone at all would have expected you to plan for people coming in 3 days in advance of the wedding, and were probably prepared to pay rates outside the block. Getting a hotel block at all is a courtesy to them, not a necessity. Just be happy they want to come celebrate for so long, and don't worry about this at all.

    simcal18huskypuppy14
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Hey, everything is going to be okay. At the end of the day, you'll be married.

    1. My condolences on the passing of your priest. After the funeral, call the church to schedule a meeting with your new priest. I don't know what accommodations your priest allowed, but most likely they don't violate the teachings of the church. There's a good chance that the new priest will allow you to proceed as planned.

    2. Congrats on the weight loss. With 8 - 10 weeks to walk off a few more pounds and some alterations, the dress will fit.

    3. Guests are responsible for their own travel and accommodation arrangements. Hotel blocks are a nice gesture, but not a requirement. Put a note on your wedding website that the blocks are filling quickly. Make sure all VIPs are aware.


                       
    simcal18
  • Hey, everything is going to be okay. At the end of the day, you'll be married.

    1. My condolences on the passing of your priest. After the funeral, call the church to schedule a meeting with your new priest. I don't know what accommodations your priest allowed, but most likely they don't violate the teachings of the church. There's a good chance that the new priest will allow you to proceed as planned.

    2. Congrats on the weight loss. With 8 - 10 weeks to walk off a few more pounds and some alterations, the dress will fit.

    3. Guests are responsible for their own travel and accommodation arrangements. Hotel blocks are a nice gesture, but not a requirement. Put a note on your wedding website that the blocks are filling quickly. Make sure all VIPs are aware.


    Thanks to you and the others who have responded.  For you and @flantastic--the only real "accommodation" that the priest made for us is that our legal and Catholic ceremonies are separate (legal ceremony is the big shebang with guests, Catholic ceremony is the day after and is immediate family and Godparents only).  We were completely forthright with him about this and he couldn't have cared less, but I know other people on this board at least have said that some priests have had issues with that.  With less than 12 weeks ago all the big pieces are already set in stone, and we are certainly not the first couple to have a separate Catholic ceremony at this church, so I'm hoping it won't be an issue.

    As for the dress .  .  . I guess it's lots of lean protein and veggies and working out for me for the next 12 weeks, and fingers crossed that it's enough.  I briefly considered buying another dress, but the seamstress assured me repeatedly that it wasn't necessary, and I've yo-yoed enough in my weight before that I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to lose 2 pounds a week, so I think I'm going to stick with the one I have.  She hasn't even started making alterations yet and won't until it zips, so I think I'm just going to have FMIL join me at a later fitting.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hey, everything is going to be okay. At the end of the day, you'll be married.

    1. My condolences on the passing of your priest. After the funeral, call the church to schedule a meeting with your new priest. I don't know what accommodations your priest allowed, but most likely they don't violate the teachings of the church. There's a good chance that the new priest will allow you to proceed as planned.

    2. Congrats on the weight loss. With 8 - 10 weeks to walk off a few more pounds and some alterations, the dress will fit.

    3. Guests are responsible for their own travel and accommodation arrangements. Hotel blocks are a nice gesture, but not a requirement. Put a note on your wedding website that the blocks are filling quickly. Make sure all VIPs are aware.


    Thanks to you and the others who have responded.  For you and @flantastic--the only real "accommodation" that the priest made for us is that our legal and Catholic ceremonies are separate (legal ceremony is the big shebang with guests, Catholic ceremony is the day after and is immediate family and Godparents only).  We were completely forthright with him about this and he couldn't have cared less, but I know other people on this board at least have said that some priests have had issues with that.  With less than 12 weeks ago all the big pieces are already set in stone, and we are certainly not the first couple to have a separate Catholic ceremony at this church, so I'm hoping it won't be an issue.

    As for the dress .  .  . I guess it's lots of lean protein and veggies and working out for me for the next 12 weeks, and fingers crossed that it's enough.  I briefly considered buying another dress, but the seamstress assured me repeatedly that it wasn't necessary, and I've yo-yoed enough in my weight before that I have a pretty good idea of what I need to do to lose 2 pounds a week, so I think I'm going to stick with the one I have.  She hasn't even started making alterations yet and won't until it zips, so I think I'm just going to have FMIL join me at a later fitting.
    Yeah, I do think the other priests will respect and trust that this was a decision the other priest made in good conscience and for adequate reasons, so it should work out.
    MairePoppy
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'm sorry to hear about your priest. However, I'm sure that whatever priest you get through your church will be fine.

    The dress will be fine. I'll just make one recommendation-- if you're going to lose weight to make the dress fit, make sure you give yourself time for alterations too. In my experience, weight isn't always lost in the places you want it. You want to have time for her to make adjustments if they're needed.

    A hotel block is a courtesy. This is not your problem. I'd refer them to hotels.com and tell them that you can't wait to see them.
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  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    What MairePoppy said: Make your appointment to talk about your wedding at least a week AFTER the priest's funeral. It's "all hands on deck" when a parish leader dies. Give them the space to focus on that and catch their breaths. When you see them the week after, there's still plenty of time for your wedding talk. Best wishes.
  • First take a breath and try to let it out. So very sorry for your loss and I hope your talk with the church goes well. I would not worry too much about it. 

    Second, you have time to loose the weight in time for your wedding. I am worried about a 6lb loss in 9 days, in order to be healthy you need to eat healthy things, work out and try to keep it at 2lbs per week. Any more than that you are risking malnutrition and that can make you retain water, and weight after some time. 

    Lastly you should not feel bad about the room block. You did everything right!! Try to help out but do not beat yourself up about this. 

    Best of luck and lots of wine


    simcal18
  • JaniV123 said:

    First take a breath and try to let it out. So very sorry for your loss and I hope your talk with the church goes well. I would not worry too much about it. 


    Second, you have time to loose the weight in time for your wedding. I am worried about a 6lb loss in 9 days, in order to be healthy you need to eat healthy things, work out and try to keep it at 2lbs per week. Any more than that you are risking malnutrition and that can make you retain water, and weight after some time. 

    Lastly you should not feel bad about the room block. You did everything right!! Try to help out but do not beat yourself up about this. 

    Best of luck and lots of wine
    Thanks!  I'm not too worried about the 6 pound loss in 9 days--I'm pretty heavy for my frame right now and when I lose weight I tend to lose a bunch of (mostly water) weight in the first week or two as my glycogen stores deplete and then it usually steadies off at 1.5-2 pounds a week.  Right now I'm eating between 1200-1400 calories a day with lots of lean protein and veggies and either doing HIIT or tabata cardio or lifting for 30-45 minutes 4-5x per week, so hopefully that will be enough to drop the weight I need to lose to get into the dress.  

    I'm a little worried because the seamstress wants to start altering the dress by June 1 but won't touch it until it zips, so in reality I have about a month to drop another 8-10 pounds, but I guess if that doesn't happen I can live with the corset back.  I'm still not sure how that's going to work since it's the hips and not the top that is the problem area with the dress, and it has buttons running all the way down the back, but the seamstress swore up and down she could make it work and that she would tell me to get another dress if I needed one, and she comes very highly recommended, so I guess I'm going to trust her.  But she was also recommending these ridiculous crash diets to me, so .  .  . 

    Anyway, I'm going in tomorrow with some better shapewear on to see if that and the weight I've lost so far makes any difference.  I'm feeling calmer than I was when I left the last time, so hopefully I'll be able to look at things a little bit more rationally and figure out whether I can trust this seamstress or I need a second opinion.
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Deep breaths!

    It's 12 weeks. That's enough time to find another officiant (I'm sorry about the priest passing, that really sucks), to drop a little bit of weight that's probably mostly water weight anyway, to have the dress taken out a bit (which I'd be shocked if it didn't allow for that, find a new seamstress, my first was pretty lazy that way too), and if family wants to show up that early, that's not really your issue. You were nice enough to set up a block for the weekend and that's all you should really be expected to do. 
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