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Is anybody NOT "cutting the cake"?

Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
5 Love Its First Comment
edited March 2015 in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
This custom is just so weird to me and I don't feel like smooshing frosting into each others' mouths in front of everyone is particularly necessary! :p  What is the significance of this, anyway? We're only doing those "traditions" that we feel have any actual meaning (or meaning to us) but this one just seems silly. Is it really necessary? Is anyone else skipping this thing? Somebody enlighten me, please!   

Thank you!
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Re: Is anybody NOT "cutting the cake"?

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well you certainly don't have to smash frosting in each others faces.  In fact, you don't even have to feed each other any cake at all.  You could just cut the cake together and move on.

    I am not sure of the "tradition" behind it, but if you don't want to cut the cake together you certainly don't have to.  You can just have your caterer/servers take the cake to the back once dinner begins and cut it up and have it ready on plates once dinner is over with.

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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    We managed to eat the cake without smooshing frosting into each other's mouths.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Silverelf2015 said:

    This custom is just so weird to me and I don't feel like smooshing frosting into each others' mouths in front of everyone is particularly necessary! :p  What is the significance of this, anyway? We're only doing those "traditions" that we feel have any actual meaning (or meaning to us) but this one just seems silly. Is it really necessary? Is anyone else skipping this thing? Somebody enlighten me, please!   


    Thank you!
    I'm also not a fan of the cake face-smash. I think it's really disrespectful, embarrassing, and not in any way funny. You know you can just cut the cake together and feed each other a piece without smashing it into each others' faces. Or don't feed each other at all - just cut the cake. 

    My understanding of the feeding each other tradition is that it's supposed to symbolize how the couple will provide and care for each other throughout their marriage (which the smashing does zero to symbolize). I'm not a historian or anything, so not entirely sure if that's accurate, but you can always research it yourself.

    At least cutting the cake basically tells guests "it's time for dessert", so it's a good idea simply for logistical purposes.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We didn't cut the cake. I didn't feel like it was necessary. 
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    mrscomposermrscomposer member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    We didn't have cake, so we didn't cut it.

    *Don't worry, pearl-clutchers - we had three kinds of homemade TARTS*

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I really did not want a cake-smooshing and was originally planning not to do a ceremonial cake cutting, as I didn't see the point. 

    But southernbelle is right - I looked up what the "point" was supposed to be and feeding each other is supposed to be your first act of service to one another as spouses. A smooshing definitely negates that idea - probably something that was mildly funny the first time someone thought of it and has now turned into a terrible "tradition."

    So I rolled with it, but we I told the venue that we would like forks for the purpose of feeding one another like normal (is this ever normal?) civilized people.
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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    flantastic said:

    I really did not want a cake-smooshing and was originally planning not to do a ceremonial cake cutting, as I didn't see the point. 


    But southernbelle is right - I looked up what the "point" was supposed to be and feeding each other is supposed to be your first act of service to one another as spouses. A smooshing definitely negates that idea - probably something that was mildly funny the first time someone thought of it and has now turned into a terrible "tradition."

    So I rolled with it, but we I told the venue that we would like forks for the purpose of feeding one another like normal (is this ever normal?) civilized people.
    I do like the idea of what it's supposed to symbolize :) taking care of one another. Forks sound like a plan to avoid the smooshing! :p  

    I've been to weddings where the bigger the smoosh was, the more the crowd would cheer. Yucky and tacky, IMHO and we didn't want to "have to" do that. 
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    minttobemrsbminttobemrsb member
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    We are doing it, but using forks like mentioned above. I do NOT want cake smashed in my face on my wedding day...or any day for that matter. I do like what it represents as the first service towards each other as a married couple. NBD if you skip the cutting/feeding, just enjoy your cake :)
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    DD and her DH didn't cut anything.  They had a massive dessert buffet and no one seemed to miss the cake cutting thing.  I think it is very classy with the forks, but I detest cake smooshing.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Silverelf2015 said:

    flantastic said:

    I really did not want a cake-smooshing and was originally planning not to do a ceremonial cake cutting, as I didn't see the point. 


    But southernbelle is right - I looked up what the "point" was supposed to be and feeding each other is supposed to be your first act of service to one another as spouses. A smooshing definitely negates that idea - probably something that was mildly funny the first time someone thought of it and has now turned into a terrible "tradition."

    So I rolled with it, but we I told the venue that we would like forks for the purpose of feeding one another like normal (is this ever normal?) civilized people.
    I do like the idea of what it's supposed to symbolize :) taking care of one another. Forks sound like a plan to avoid the smooshing! :p  

    I've been to weddings where the bigger the smoosh was, the more the crowd would cheer. Yucky and tacky, IMHO and we didn't want to "have to" do that. 
    Just make sure you have this conversation with your FI before the wedding. Make sure he knows how you feel about the smashing being disrespectful. See what he thinks.  

    DH and I talked about this ahead of time also. Thankfully, he agreed and we were on the same page with how we felt about it, so it was an easy conversation. If he had thought it the smashing was funny or wanted to do it, I would have skipped the feeding part all together.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I hate cake-smashing too. Feel free to skip it.

    As far as cake-cutting goes, it's not required if you don't want to do it, but it does signal the guests that this is the last spotlight activity for the event so that if they have to leave, they can do so right after the cake-cutting without missing anything else important.
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    ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    H and I fed each other cake (well, cheesecake) nicely with forks. I had heard about the symbolism of taking care of each other and thought it was sweet so we did it. No way in hell would I have smashed food in his face (on our wedding or any other day) and I would be irate if he ever smashed food in mine. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    I think this is definitely one of those things which doesn't matter, although it can make it an easy way to announce dessert.  Count me in as a hater of cake smashing too.  I just think it's so tacky, and it completely takes away the symbolism of serving your spouse.  


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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    levioosa said:

    Count me in as a hater of cake smashing too.  I just think it's so tacky, and it completely takes away the symbolism of serving your spouse.  

    ITA. I don't think my fiance is going to have a problem with not smooshing if I ask him not to. 

    Thanks everyone for weighing in. 
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    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
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    Sharing food is such an important component of human interaction and a way to bond with loved ones that has been going since humans started cooking. I like the symbolism of sharing the food with your spouse and I agree with you about the cake smashing. It just strikes me as disrespectful and it makes me very uncomfortable when I witness it.

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    marie2785marie2785 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
    My FI has already indicated he wants to smash the cake on my face since he finds the tradition hilarious (my FI is a 40 year old frat boy sometimes, I swear...). 

    So we're skipping the "feeding each other" part. I do not want to delay everyone's dinner (venue wants cake cutting done right before dinner so they can cut the cake into portions) because I have to run to the bathroom to fix my makeup. 

    note: I'm not sure he'd actually do it. He ALWAYS backs down when I let him know I'll be pissed. But we'll be a few drinks into the night by then, so I'm not risking it. 
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    Scottie17Scottie17 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    I don't think your wedding day should contain anything you don't feel connected to. If you're not 'feeling it', definitely skip it!

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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    We also fed each other with forks. Turned out to be H's only taste of the cake! Someone stole his slice. (I plead the fifth. It was really good cake.)
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    emmaaaemmaaa mod
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    DH and I fed each other the cake. I didn't even have to tell him not to smoosh it in my face because he knows I'd be infuriated (I have this weird thing about ANYTHING other than makeup being on my face). It was a really sweet moment for the two of us.

    @lolo883 Feeding each other was also my only taste of the cake, after that we went directly to table visits.

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    ahyatt87ahyatt87 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We just cut it, but did not feed each other. IDK, the tradition is fine, but I don't like how so many people turn it into a food fight. We just waited until the cake was served and ate a piece with everyone else.
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    littlepeplittlepep member
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    I didn't want a traditional wedding cake so we're doing a bunch of small cakes and macaroons. I think we will cut the cake, but I definitely agree the smooshing on the face is annoying. Like why are you wasting that good cake by rubbing it all over my face?

    We're having this AMAZING sweet potato cake to use for our cutting. I cannot wait. 
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    FutureMsNguyenFutureMsNguyen member
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    edited March 2015
    Hi!

    I think this is a great topic. I am having the 16-hour asian wedding. But I love nontraditional bridal styles. My Buddhist tea ceremony will be held like 10:00am followed by a vegan lunch and I will cut a small cake there. It's a light sponge cake with fruit (traditional asian cake). But for the reception I will not cut a cake, I will be serving assorted cupcakes. We have a 12 course homestyle dinner so many people do not eat much cake and I think a cupcake is the perfect size. I love cupcakes. I am also skipping bouquet & garter toss and champagne tower.
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    "If you really want something you don’t stop for anyone or anything  until you get it".
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    writerchic88writerchic88 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Don't cut the cake if you don't want to.  Don't have a cake if you don't want to.  I never liked the idea and the cake usually tastes dry even from the best bakeries.

    I just got married and we opted to have three kinds of bite sized pies for our guests.  The pie was a hit and there was nothing shoved in my face!  We were able to save some money and nothing went to waste this way.
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    hashtag43016hashtag43016 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Do the cake cutting, skip the smashing. I've seen where it get's bloody. Yes, you read that right. Because people get way to into the smash.  I've also seen where cake ends up getting on the very white, very expensive dress. And I know I would be pissed. Or get cupcakes and then there's no need to cut anything!
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    From what I've read (happy to be contradicted if this isn't true), these days, the cutting of the cake indicates the end to the formal part of the evening and commences the "dancing and drinking" part of the night, and is a cue to older guests or those who are simply disinclined who might want to skip that bit that they can now leave the reception without it being considered rude.

    I've never really been into wedding cake (haven't had any in my life that's been particularly tasty or worth remembering) so we're doing a dessert buffet instead, however we are going to have a small cake to cut in order to serve the above purpose, probably feed it to each other with forks, and be done with it.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    The tradition, from what I've read, dates back to the days when guests would literally put bread in a pile for a couple to share. That's why wedding cakes are tiered, in contrast to sheet cakes for pretty much any other purpose. 
    There's a lot of tradition dating back hundreds of years. Frankly, I'd keep this tradition, and skip the smashing part. 

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    sylveonplath said:

    From what I've read (happy to be contradicted if this isn't true), these days, the cutting of the cake indicates the end to the formal part of the evening and commences the "dancing and drinking" part of the night, and is a cue to older guests or those who are simply disinclined who might want to skip that bit that they can now leave the reception without it being considered rude.

    I've never really been into wedding cake (haven't had any in my life that's been particularly tasty or worth remembering) so we're doing a dessert buffet instead, however we are going to have a small cake to cut in order to serve the above purpose, probably feed it to each other with forks, and be done with it.

    Sometimes it can indicate that, but some couple choose to cut the cake before dinner so that the cake can be taken into the back and placed on serving plates so that guests can dig into some slices right after dinner.  So really the cake can be cut at any point in the night and no guest should feel obligated to stick around until the cake it cut.  Guests are free to leave whenever the heck they want to.

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    notdoingitbythebooknotdoingitbythebook member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Smashing is disgusting and disrespectful. It will not be happening at my wedding and my FH knows that. If it does happen or is encouraged, I will not be pleased at all. We will cut and feed each other but there will be no food fight. Just gross and disrespectful. 
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    BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I think cake smashing is crude and disrespectful as well.  We politely fed each other cake on forks.  
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    Knottie65411223Knottie65411223 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited April 2015
    We aren't cutting the cake and participating in feeding/smashing cake mainly for the reason you cited, it doesn't mean much to us. We actually are opting for a different dessert all together. Most weddings I've been to recently haven't had this tradition as a main event, but done some variation of it. It happened off to the side while everyone else was eating or dancing because the couple mainly wanted the tradition for the picture. I've actually only seen the picture of the cake/other dessert cutting/feeding from these weddings. 

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