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Mother's Day dilemma, WWTKD?
Our wedding is this weekend and then we'll be on our HM until mid May. So we'll be gone over Mother's Day, and if I don't order gifts today or tomorrow I will probably forget.
The dilemma: FI is currently very upset with FMIL. Without going into detail, she was extremely harsh and disrespectful over the weekend, and then called him at work on Monday to berate him more. Just thinking about it makes me feel ragey for FI. This has happened before with FI and each of his siblings, more than once - they will be mad, then they'll get over it, and all will be fine again. All of this to say that right now FI doesn't even want to see his mother at the wedding, let alone think about Mother's Day. I do think it will blow over before then, though.
The thing is, if we don't send something for Mother's Day we will incur the ALMIGHTY WRATH OF FMIL all over again and it will be a long time before she lets it go. I don't want that drama and I know FI will hate it, too. He doesn't want to talk about gifts because he's mad, but I don't want to deal with the fall out from it (FMIL calling FI on our HM crying about how he's a terrible son and he doesn't love her, FFIL lecturing FI as soon as we get back).
So my options are 1) Try to talk with FI about it again, at the risk of getting him upset about the situation all over again. 2) Not send anything and deal with the fall out. 3) Go ahead and order flowers or a gift basket to be delivered while we're out of the country, and just let FI know about it after the wedding when he's in a better mood. I don't want to be disrespectful of FI's feelings and wishes, but I also don't want to set us up for more of this family drama because I know FI hates it.
What would you do?
The dilemma: FI is currently very upset with FMIL. Without going into detail, she was extremely harsh and disrespectful over the weekend, and then called him at work on Monday to berate him more. Just thinking about it makes me feel ragey for FI. This has happened before with FI and each of his siblings, more than once - they will be mad, then they'll get over it, and all will be fine again. All of this to say that right now FI doesn't even want to see his mother at the wedding, let alone think about Mother's Day. I do think it will blow over before then, though.
The thing is, if we don't send something for Mother's Day we will incur the ALMIGHTY WRATH OF FMIL all over again and it will be a long time before she lets it go. I don't want that drama and I know FI will hate it, too. He doesn't want to talk about gifts because he's mad, but I don't want to deal with the fall out from it (FMIL calling FI on our HM crying about how he's a terrible son and he doesn't love her, FFIL lecturing FI as soon as we get back).
So my options are 1) Try to talk with FI about it again, at the risk of getting him upset about the situation all over again. 2) Not send anything and deal with the fall out. 3) Go ahead and order flowers or a gift basket to be delivered while we're out of the country, and just let FI know about it after the wedding when he's in a better mood. I don't want to be disrespectful of FI's feelings and wishes, but I also don't want to set us up for more of this family drama because I know FI hates it.
What would you do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mother's Day dilemma, WWTKD?
really? I know my parent's anniversary. Heck, I know my grandparents anniversary. I also know 1 aunts because it's the same day as my grandparents. I know my siblings too. And a few of my cousins, but not many.
Hmm. Maybe I'm a shitty kid. Maybe it's just my family - we barely remember to call each other on birthdays. We never really made a big deal about important dates.
I have no idea when anyone's anniversary is but my own. Oh, and my aunt & uncles because it is the same as mine.
I also know when my parents' anniversary is. They get a card, and usually my sister and I take them out to dinner. We also live 5 minutes from them. If we weren't that nearby, things might be different.
not a shitty kid. Some people remember dates. Others don't. Do you remember you parent's birthdays? Well knowing their anniversary is kind of the same. You are told, maybe once a year you heard them mention it's the anniversary.
That really sucks! Ultimately I would stay out of it and let him deal with it- he's had a relationship with his mom his whole life so he probably already knows there will be a wrath.
Who knows, maybe he's over the hysterics and doesn't care anymore. I'd leave it up to him what he wants to do.
Formerly martha1818
normally I would say take care of your own families, but in this case and the past history of the blow up/make peace cycle, if he's not willing to send something I would go ahead and do it to not incur the major wrath. Mostly because it sounds like it normal circumstances it would probably blow over by then and were it not for you guys being out of the country he would end up doing something.
Now if he normally doesn't do anything or send something that is different, but if flowers or whatever are always sent I would schedule it just like years past. I'm a peacemaker so that's where I'm coming from.
I haven't ever gotten my parents an anniversary gift other than to offer to babysit my siblings so they could have a night to themselves. I should - my mom's had two Vacuum Anniversaries - but I feel like it's on my dad. I do try to prod him in a better direction than cleaning supplies though.
Thanks ladies for all your advice and real talk.