Wedding Etiquette Forum

Did anyone question your seating chart?

We have a guest who is a friend of my FI who is genuinely single and knows over 15 other guests at the wedding (including some of her very best friends!)

We invited her and she replied on the RSVP for herself and "+ guest" even though we made out the invitation only to her. She is the only one who has done this so far of the 40 or so RSVPs that we have received. 

I called her to let her know that we were terribly sorry for any confusion, that the invitation was intended only for her, and that we were unfortunately unable to accommodate a guest she RSVPed for. She said she understood.

She got back to me again later today and questioned the seating chart, asking if we knew yet where she would be seated (mind you, invitations went out only a week ago) and if it would be with one particular friend who was also invited.

I'm honestly a little put off by this. It feels like she's upset about not bringing a guest and it stung a little that she thinks we would not host her in a way that she sees fit. Of course we will seat her with friends and people that she knows! We haven't even received back all of the RSVPs yet, including the one from the friend she wants to sit with. Even my FI felt that the questions were strange, and he's feeling very put off by the way she's acting.

Did anyone get questions like this? How did you respond graciously? We're probably over thinking this, but I just can't imagine asking someone about their plans for where I will be seated for their wedding!
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Re: Did anyone question your seating chart?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    .

    I think it was tacky to ask, but I get her feelings.  When I was single and didn't have a date,  I was often worried that my friends would not be sitting with my friends.    Singles are easy to use to fill in a table.  Worse yet people put you at the "singles" table.  Grrr.   


    I gave singles dates (not that they all took me up on that).   We also made sure we had various sized tables.   So if we had a group of 4 couples and 1 single, they fit into their own table.  A lot of people stick with set number of say 8 or 10 per table and do not vary from that.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    huskypuppy14CaitFinskmmssg
  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy Stars Hollow member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:

    .


    I think it was tacky to ask, but I get her feelings.  When I was single and didn't have a date,  I was often worried that my friends would not be sitting with my friends.    Singles are easy to use to fill in a table.  Worse yet people put you at the "singles" table.  Grrr.   


    I gave singles dates (not that they all took me up on that).   We also made sure we had various sized tables.   So if we had a group of 4 couples and 1 single, they fit into their own table.  A lot of people stick with set number of say 8 or 10 per table and do not vary from that.
    That makes sense. I suppose I've never heard of a singles table so maybe this is just something I've never heard of. It sounds awful.

    We would obviously just seat her with friends she has and already knows, regardless of their relationship status!

    I wish we could have given singles dates to alleviate some of this stuff, but it would have put our guest list at over 380, which just wasn't feasible. All of FI's college friends will be there (and she's one of them) so we thought it wouldn't be a big deal not to give her a date because she will know a ton of people there already.

    Thanks, though, because I didn't consider that and I've never heard of a singles table!
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    SP29
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    I got similar questions, along with questions like where my MOH's BF would be seated - um with you at the head table, duh. Don't take it as an a slight - she's probably just gotten accustomed to lesser hosting and thinks that's the norm. Just reassure her that of course you'll seat her with people you know and can't wait to see her!

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    CaitFins[Deleted User]Liatris2010
  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy Stars Hollow member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I got similar questions, along with questions like where my MOH's BF would be seated - um with you at the head table, duh. Don't take it as an a slight - she's probably just gotten accustomed to lesser hosting and thinks that's the norm. Just reassure her that of course you'll seat her with people you know and can't wait to see her!

    Thanks, that's exactly what I did! 

    I didn't realize so many people split up partners/friends that it was common to ask! 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
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    Just think of how many people come here and say "well every wedding I've been to has had a (gap/divided head table/no ring no bring policy/cash bar)!" If those things are so prevalent, there are surely other offenses that don't get complained about as much, like singles tables.

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  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I didn't have anyone ask about the seating chart, but I did have two people RSVP with their plus ones as another invited guest (ie each other), much like your friend. I think it was designed to insure that they sat next to each other, since they're not actually dating and they were both invited separately. Perhaps that's what your friend was getting at, just making sure they were seated with someone they really wanted to talk to.
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  • I had one bridesmaid ask if we were going to let her sit with her husband since he wouldn't know many others there. Um, OF COURSE. Another bridesmaid tried to demand a head table and had my husband wanting one but I put my foot down. He agreed when we went to a wedding and I pointed out how long the couple got to actually sit down. 

    Otherwise I don't think so. I heard from a friend that her friend was hoping she wouldn't be seated with her ex and his fiance, but she didn't come directly to me. She and her ex were friendly so it hadn't occured to me, but I did accomodate that easily.
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I think it's rude to ask but still had a few people ask. Worse, I had people make demands about where they sit.

    All of the demands were ignored because they were from people who wanted to create drama (sitting near exes, crushes, etc.). Plus, they pissed me off. If people were polite about their inquiries, we tried to accommodate them.
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  • MnHGirlMnHGirl member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think it is rude to ask as well. 

    I have not even sent my invites out yet and my mom was already questioning where I will put her in proximity of my dad and his wife (my dad's wife has caused a lot of issues with in the family) and she is already pushing that I seat her with my siblings and their families (which I was planning to put half and half with my parents since all wont fit on one table). I simply told my mom that if I hear anything else about it I will put her at the same table- she knows I am not joking either and that shut her right up. 

     
    whovianstark
  • The only people who have asked about our seating chart are FMIL and one of my friends from law school. FMIL just wanted to know whether we were doing a "parents table" or having each set of parents (my mom and stepdad, biodad and his girlfriend, and FMIL and FFIL) "host" their own table. She doesn't care either way, but was just curious. I told her we're undecided (we are).

    The law school friend was worried because many of our mutual friends who are invited to the wedding are in the bridal party. She was worried that being the only woman from law school who wasn't a bridesmaid that she'd be by herself. I just told her that two of our male friends from law school and their wives would be there, and she'd be seated with them, and she was relieved. I can totally see why she stressed about it though. Before she knew that I invited those two guys, she thought that she wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding besides the bridal party.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    MnHGirl said:

    I think it is rude to ask as well. 


    I have not even sent my invites out yet and my mom was already questioning where I will put her in proximity of my dad and his wife (my dad's wife has caused a lot of issues with in the family) and she is already pushing that I seat her with my siblings and their families (which I was planning to put half and half with my parents since all wont fit on one table). I simply told my mom that if I hear anything else about it I will put her at the same table- she knows I am not joking either and that shut her right up. 

     
    Now I did not have the divorced parent, new spouse things to deal with.  However, gave my parents (married) and my MIL their own "tables" to fill up on their own.

    My siblings and DH's siblings did the same.     My parents got to hand pick who sat at their table.  MIL hers.  In our case, my siblings (regardless if they were in the WP or not) sat with my parents plus one of my BMs and her husband.   

    MIL picked DH's siblings (again regardless if they were in the WP or not) and her cousin (who is her BFF also).

    At SIL's wedding MIL picked us, DH's brother and his wife and her favorite cousins. DH and BIL were both in the WP.

    You might want to consider this as an option for your mom.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    whovianstark
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    I think it's rude to ask but still had a few people ask. Worse, I had people make demands about where they sit.

    All of the demands were ignored because they were from people who wanted to create drama (sitting near exes, crushes, etc.). Plus, they pissed me off. If people were polite about their inquiries, we tried to accommodate them.

    Whaaaaat?! That's crazy!

    I had a few people make dumb comments like "make sure you seat me with hot single girls" but I just ignored those. I couldn't imagine people trying to sit near their exes. We had two ex-couples come and they were on opposite sides from each other and ignored each other. Other people just said "am I going to be sitting with cool people?" so I said "OF COURSE, you're with Ross, Rachel and Phoebe, corner of the dance floor right near the bar. Prime location."

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2015
    I don't think it was rude at all of her to ask that. It was just a question.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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