Would this be a tiered reception?

louxnoelle · May 2015

I'm going to start off by saying that this is not one of those situations where a bride has something settled in her head, and she posts the "speshul circumstances" so you can all tell her she's right. 1) None of this has happened yet, and 2) it's an actual question and I'm looking for actual advice.

We're considering forming a small youth choir with some of my theatre students, and I would like them to sing during the ceremony at the wedding. Youth choir singing at a wedding - simple enough.

The weirdness comes in with the parents. It would be maybe a half-hour drive (in New England winter) to the venue from the city where most of these kids live. It feels weird to have everybody make the drive, sing a five-minute song, and then turn right around and leave.

So, my thought process is, let them (kids and parents) stay for the ceremony, be sure to say goodbye and thank you, and then they can leave before cocktail hour.

But ... that's a tiered reception, right? Or not, because they're "performers?"

Knotties, assemble!

Blergbot · May 2015

Can you rent a van or bus and have a chaperone or two?

levioosa · May 2015

Are you paying them? I used to be part of a choir. We used to do weddings, and occasionally some of them were for people we knew, but I never expected to stay for the reception. I knew it was a job, and our organization was paid for it. It sounds like this is a little different though. Other knotties might have a better answer.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

"Let them" stay for the ceremony? If they're performing DURING the ceremony then yes, they'd be there for the entire thing. That doesn't really seem like some great honor/favor you'd be doing them.

I think you should treat them like vendors, and at least offer to pay them. Otherwise yes, it sounds tiered to me and like a huge imposition on the parents.

SP29 · May 2015

I think they need to be paid/ compensated like vendors. Then there is no requirement to host them.

JoanE2012 · May 2015

lolo883 said:
"Let them" stay for the ceremony? If they're performing DURING the ceremony then yes, they'd be there for the entire thing. That doesn't really seem like some great honor/favor you'd be doing them.

I think you should treat them like vendors, and at least offer to pay them. Otherwise yes, it sounds tiered to me and like a huge imposition on the parents.

I agree. I'd much rather just leave immediately than sit through a ceremony when I'm not invited to the reception. Treat the like a vendor and pay them in some way.

louxnoelle · May 2015

@Blergbot I'm trying to figure out the logistics of something along these lines - just a bunch of legalities and red tape that go along with transporting kids (as there should be).

@levioosa I would be making a donation to the company, and giving little thank you gifts to the kids.

@lolo883 You're right. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was making a grand gesture by inviting them to the ceremony. I just made the distinction because whenever I've seen performers at weddings, they don't sit in the audience; they're usually in some sort of backstage/holding room, and then return there afterwards. I'd like the parents and kid to attend the ceremony from start to finish. "Imposition" is a good word, that's what I'm trying to avoid.

CMGragain · May 2015

If you are not paying them, they would be guests and should be treated the same as guests. If you are paying them, they are vendors and should not expect to attend the reception. You can provide transportation so the parents need not be involved in your wedding. You do need permission slips signed by the parents.
(I was formerly assistant director of the Maryland State Boychoir.)

louxnoelle · May 2015

@sp29 & @JoanE2012 - If I were to make a sizable donation to the company's scholarship foundation, as well as provide thank you gifts to the kids (I'll double-check, but I think it would be against policy to pay the kids themselves), does that aliviate the responsibility to host? Maybe I could give parents a restaurant gift certificate as a thank you for driving?

JCbride2015 · May 2015

I think you need to either pay them or invite them and their parents to the entire event.

SP29 · May 2015

If you are making a donation to the choir group, and a thank you gift, I think that would be fine.

I would treat this group as if you were hiring any other group. I would assume you contact the director of the group, ask if they are available and what the fee is (I would assume a lot of these sorts of groups take the money as a donation toward keeping the program going, vs. individual pay out?). It is then up to the group to figure out their transportation. Would they require the children's parents to drive them to any event or would the director hire a bus? (they do it for hockey teams).

Now since you are involved with this group it changes this a bit, but I would try to treat them like you would another vendor.

louxnoelle · May 2015

I will look into the options for paying the performers. I had planned to make a donation to the scholarship fund (which many of them utilize), because I think there are policies about money changing hand between instructors and students. Maybe I'll up the amount of the gift certificate so the families can get dinner on us.

ETF: spelling

louxnoelle · May 2015

Thank you for the responses, ladies! That all makes a lot of sense - I really appreciate your insight.

Would this be a tiered reception?

Re: Would this be a tiered reception?

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