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Rehearsal Dinner Invite

fredburklefredburkle member
25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

DF, my DS (age 6), and I will be traveling across the country to attend FSIL's wedding. We're using this as a vacation/attend FSIL's wedding kind of trip.

DF got an email today about FSIL's rehearsal dinner the Thursday before her Saturday wedding.

Thursday was the day that DS and I planned to go to Disneyland. Normally I would be totally cool with moving it to Friday or something, but Friday I have a lunch interview (we're trying to move to CA) and with the wedding on Saturday, there's just not other time to go. I've already bought the tickets, so we're definitely going to Disneyland.

Is it rude to turn down the invite to the rehearsal dinner? Would it be okay if just DF went and not DS and I because we had plans to go to Disneyland? None of us are in the wedding.

Thanks!

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Re: Rehearsal Dinner Invite

  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Invites are just that, an invitation to attend, not a subpoena.  If one of you were in the wedding, then it would probably come off as a touch rude and the person in the wedding should make the effort to attend the rehearsal, at least.  But since none of you are in the wedding?  No problem.  They are probably just being considerate and inclusive and inviting all out of town guests to the dinner since they traveled - it's not uncommon for the couple to include out-of-towners at the rehearsal dinner.  Just say "Thanks for thinking of us, but we already bought tickets for Disneyland!"  They'll understand.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    None of you are obligated to attend. It's just the RD and y'all aren't even in the wedding. 

    An invitation isn't a summons, so it's perfectly polite for you to just decline. If you want to give a reason, you can but you certainly aren't required to do so.

    Have fun in Disneyland!
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you don't want to go to the RD or can't because of previously set plans then decline the invite.  It is never rude to decline and invite.

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  • fredburklefredburkle member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    Okay, whew! I couldn't remember which of the pre-wedding things were super important and which were "it's fine, skip it".

    Thanks!

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    fredburkle said:

    Okay, whew! I couldn't remember which of the pre-wedding things were super important and which were "it's fine, skip it".

    Thanks!

    All are fine to skip.  None are required.  Ever.

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  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    fredburkle said:

    Okay, whew! I couldn't remember which of the pre-wedding things were super important and which were "it's fine, skip it".

    Thanks!

    If someone was actually going to be in the wedding, I would say a rehearsal is not required but is usually really helpful (at least for me). And that's the only pre-wedding thing I would say is even near required. I didn't require my WP to be there, but I get nervous if I don't know the plan and rehearsals make me feel better. But it sounds like you're in the clear!
    image
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Doesn't sound like you or daughter are in the wedding so really no need for you to be at rehersal dinner. That was nice of FSIL to invite you as an OOT guest. I would decline the invite and let her know that you had already planned to take your daughter to Disney that day & the tickets have already been purchased. And if she asks if you can go Friday instead, be honest, tell her about the interview.

    We were invited to an OOT wedding for my niece and I told my sister we would not be at any activities the night before because we made plans to go to an event there that we could only attend the night before the wedding as it the the only the event would run during our visit there. Luckily for us, all we missed out on was having to help set up tables and chairs & centerpieces in my sister's backyard.

     

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