Invitation wording confusion

Knottie70509155 · April 2015

I've been trying to look for appropriate wording for my situation, but I can't find any.

I'm adopted and it was an open adoption, so I know my biological parents. They are married and our relationship is good. Most people know I'm adopted and my bioparents are also paying for part of the wedding, so I would like to mention them in the invitation.

My adoptive parents (who I just consider my parents because they did all the raising) are paying for quite a bit of my wedding and so is his mom. I'd really like to mention all of our parents by name including his dad who passed away. Is there a way to show that they are all hosting without making it look awkward? (i.e. it looking like my parents divorced)

We're having a casual wedding at a secular venue, so wording doesn't have to be very formal.

Jen4948 · April 2015

Just list yourself, your FI, and the hosts. If any of your parents are contributing financially but not acting as "point persons" - that is, issuing the invitations, receiving the replies, greeting the guests, and making the arrangements that ensure their needs are attended to, they are not hosts.

Your wedding invitation isn't a program, playbill, or family tree, and the only people it "honors" are its recipients-not the hosts or the honorees (you and your FI). Who's paying is not the guests' business.

CMGragain · April 2015

Together with their families

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name

request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

The place to honor your many family members is in the program, not on the invitation. It is not an honor to be on the invitation. You might also honor them with a thank you toast at the reception.

MairePoppy · April 2015

Also, if you want to honor your bio parents - get them corsage and bout. They could be formally seated before the grandparents and parents and listed in the program. But I agree with PPs, only the hosts' names should be on the invitation.

MyNameIsNot · April 2015

Use "together with their parents" on the invitation and list each person by name in the program.

It's no one's business who is paying for the wedding.

Knottie70509155 · April 2015

Thanks for the quick responses, even though mine isn't. I think together with their parents works best.

Jen4948 · April 2015

One other thing: only living persons can be listed on invitations. You can give a deceased loved one a tribute in a wedding program.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

If you really want to mention all the parents by name you could do something like:

Adoptive Parents & BioParents
request your presence at the wedding of their daughter
YourName
to
HisName
son of Mother and the late Father

That's how I would do it to get all the names in there and not designate the deceased parent as a host. But "Together with their families" will take up A LOT less space, lol.

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
If you really want to mention all the parents by name you could do something like:

Adoptive Parents & BioParents
request your presence at the wedding of their daughter
YourName
to
HisName
son of Mother and the late Father

That's how I would do it to get all the names in there and not designate the deceased parent as a host. But "Together with their families" will take up A LOT less space, lol.

"Son of the late" does not correctly go on any wedding invitation.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

How come? That's what we did for our engagement announcements for my FH. The line read "son of mother & stepfather, and the late father." If OP wants to use all the parents names on her invite that's a reasonable way to do so.

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
How come? That's what we did for our engagement announcements for my FH. The line read "son of mother & stepfather, and the late father." If OP wants to use all the parents names on her invite that's a reasonable way to do so.

It is not appropriate to list anyone on a wedding invitation other than the hosts and honorees. Dead people cannot host.

I really recommend that you stop posting and read back threads that explain why everything you've been recommending since you joined is inappropriate.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

Jen4948 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

It is not appropriate to list anyone on a wedding invitation other than the hosts and honorees. Dead people cannot host.

I really recommend that you stop posting and read back threads that explain why everything you've been recommending since you joined is inappropriate.

OP asked for an opinion. She didn't ask for a rule book. She asked for a way to list all the parents names while mentioning that it's an informal wedding with a secular ceremony so it doesn't have to be traditional. I gave her my suggestion of what I would do in her situation. It's up to OP to decide whether my suggestion works for her or whether she finds it inappropriate.

Jen4948 · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

Jen4948 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

It is not appropriate to list anyone on a wedding invitation other than the hosts and honorees. Dead people cannot host.

I really recommend that you stop posting and read back threads that explain why everything you've been recommending since you joined is inappropriate.
OP asked for an opinion. She didn't ask for a rule book. She asked for a way to list all the parents names while mentioning that it's an informal wedding with a secular ceremony so it doesn't have to be traditional. I gave her my suggestion of what I would do in her situation. It's up to OP to decide whether my suggestion works for her or whether she finds it inappropriate.

Bull fucking shit. These boards are about the etiquette of weddings. You ask ANY question here, you're asking for the etiquette. No one's personal opinion is the benchmark by which etiquette is determined.

Once again, you're trolling.

MairePoppy · May 2015

Jen4948 - I was just going to say the same thing - minus the 'bull fucking shit.'

BrinkyDink16

If you ask a question, here, we will do our best to give you the correct answer. This is an etiquette board that relates to questions about Invitations. Of course, if you want to be creative or feel your circumstances are special enough to exempt you from standard etiquette, by all means do whatever you want.

Feel free to express your opinions. But when you share a rude or incorrect idea, we will feel free to correct you for the sake of all the lurkers who read the boards.

Now, if you want to mention your beloved late parents on your invitation, I view that as one of those victimless crimes. But CMGragain and Jen have given the correct advice.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

If the original question had been posted in the Etiquette board then I would agree with you because I've learned that that is the placed for "proper" or "traditional" etiquette questions and I will be staying far away from that hotbed of conformity from now on. But, the question was posted under the label Invites and Paper. Am I to assume that absolutely no helpful opinions are allowed anywhere on this site? If so, then there doesn't seem to any point in having a community board feature at all.

MairePoppy · May 2015

And all this time I thought there was an Invitation Etiquette board, A wedding Party Etiquette board, A Registry and Gifts board etc....and that the majority of bride's want to know correct etiquette when they ask question so they don't offend their guests.

I feel so disillusioned.

CMGragain · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
How come? That's what we did for engagement announcements for my FH. The line read "son of mother & stepfather, and the late father." If OP wants to use all the parents names on her invite that's a reasonable way to do so.

Wait a minute! You sent out printed engagement announcements? That is so tacky. Engagement announcements should only be printed in the local newspaper.

MyNameIsNot · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
If the original question had been posted in the Etiquette board then I would agree with you because I've learned that that is the placed for "proper" or "traditional" etiquette questions and I will be staying far away from that hotbed of conformity from now on. But, the question was posted under the label Invites and Paper. Am I to assume that absolutely no helpful opinions are allowed anywhere on this site? If so, then there doesn't seem to any point in having a community board feature at all.

Actually, just the opposite. If you offer a response that might mislead OP about the correct way to do it, people will correct you.

Most people would consider advice about how to do something correctly to be much more helpful than something you just made up.

BrinkyDink16 · May 2015

CMGragain said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

Wait a minute! You sent out printed engagement announcements? That is so tacky. Engagement announcements should only be printed in the local newspaper.

No. We sent our engagement announcements into our local papers and that's how we phrased the fact that my FHs father is no longer living. I'm not even sure what you mean by printed announcements? You mean like on a postcard to our friends / family? Nah, I've never heard of anyone doing that before, that would be completely unnecessary.

CMGragain · May 2015

It is fine to include information about the family, deceased or otherwise, in a newspaper announcement, but the invitation is not the place to include family information. The invitation is a simple note from the hosts to the guests, stating who, what, when and where. No other information should be included.

onefootinthebayou · May 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:
If the original question had been posted in the Etiquette board then I would agree with you because I've learned that that is the placed for "proper" or "traditional" etiquette questions and I will be staying far away from that hotbed of conformity from now on. But, the question was posted under the label Invites and Paper. Am I to assume that absolutely no helpful opinions are allowed anywhere on this site? If so, then there doesn't seem to any point in having a community board feature at all.

So...what you're saying is that you'll be staying far away from etiquette, from now on. Uh-huh. Makes sense. OP, please listen to PPs, esp @CMGragain on this one.

Invitation wording confusion

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