Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Party
![[Deleted User]](/)
[Deleted User]
member
Bridesmaids are upset I'm not giving them enough direction.
So, I'm a pretty laid back bride. When it came to my bridesmaids, I picked a dress and then told the girls that shoes/makeup/jewelry was all up to them.
Well, apparently, they're all in a panic over what they need to do to get ready for the wedding. They want more ideas for hair/makeup, but I trust their opinion. They're even a little upset that I haven't asked them for their help. They want all the little details of the wedding.
What do you do when your bridal party thinks you're not communicating enough? I didn't think this issue was possible.
What do you do when your bridal party thinks you're not communicating enough? I didn't think this issue was possible.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaids are upset I'm not giving them enough direction.
When it comes to flower colors, just let them know that when you've made those decisions, you'll let them know, and if there's anything they can do to help, ask them if they'd be willing but accept any declines graciously.
I actually had the same problem (?) - but mine was by virtue of living a ten hour drive away from my bridal party. Plus, I'm super organized and very hands-on, and knew that even if we lived in the same city, I'd choose to do a lot of it on my own.
Whenever I talked on the phone with any of them, we had our visit and then they'd say "okay, so tell me about the wedding", and I'd say "well, what do you want to know?" and I'd tell them anything they were wondering about. It wasn't that I was purposefully withholding from them (obviously), but I knew that just because *I* had wedding brain didn't mean everyone else did, so I generally kept all my conversations wedding free unless asked.
They were a huge help when it came to setting up the venue the day before the wedding - our amazing decorations were actually because of them (we had books as centerpieces, and I wanted the tables to look like someone's coffee table or end table - they did EVERY TABLE differently, because "no one's end table looks the same"). They came to the hall and just basically said, okay, tell us what you want.
What it came down to was a conversation with my BFF - "look, dude - I didn't pick you as a bridesmaid to get free labour from you; I picked you because I love you and you're my best friend, and I don't want to get married without you standing up next to me." That worked with her.
As for the shoes/hair/makeup... just tell them that they've been doing just fine choosing their style thus far, and you trust that they'll pick something they like. Lather, rinse, repeat. I actually inadvertently chose how one BM did her hair - she has amazing, neck-length curls, but usually has it pulled back somehow. Her hair was down around her face in this gorgeous cloud of curls, and she asked me how I thought she should have it done. I said I thought it was already done, because it looked amazing. She just had the hairdresser add some feature curls and pull it back on one side, and done.
For hair, maybe tell them "I'm planning on wearing my hair this way. If you have some ideas and want a second opinion, feel free to send me photos. You girls look great all the time, I trust your judgement."
As for all the little details "I don't want to bore you with those because there is more to life then just my wedding, I want to have fun and know what's going on with your life, by the way, how was your date with that hot guy last week or that shirt just looks so great on you (bean dipping).
And if they continue to push for details "I don't want to stress others out, I have it all under control, I want you to be surprised."
The one thing I did give all my bridal party and both parent the week before the wedding was a day of schedule and I told them they would be getting it. This way everyone knew what the schedule was for the day from going to the salon, lunch, transportation, photos, etc. This way everyone knew what to expect on the wedding day & no one was bothering me asking me for details on when to be where.