STD Question

TrixieJess · May 2015

Do I have to send out STDs? I'm having a small wedding, 30-35 people and everyone lives in the same city.

The only person that I would be concerned about is my MOH who is overseas, but we planned the wedding date around the 6 weeks that she is home.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

No. STDs are not required. If you choose to let people know of the date in advance, you don't need some fancy card...just send an email.

TrixieJess · May 2015

Thank you @southernbelle0915, I thought that would be the case, but I wanted to make sure.

notdoingitbythebook · May 2015

You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.

TrixieJess · May 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.

Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

notdoingitbythebook · May 2015

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.

TrixieJess · May 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.

And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.

notdoingitbythebook · May 2015

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.

And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.

That is not how STDs are handled in my corner of the world. They go to everyone on the list to be invited. But different regions and different types of weddings handle them differently. All good. As long as the information gets there, that's all that matters.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.
And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.

That is not how STDs are handled in my corner of the world. They go to everyone on the list to be invited. But different regions and different types of weddings handle them differently. All good. As long as the information gets there, that's all that matters.

Yes, but the nice thing about NOT sending them to EVERYONE on the guest list, is that it gives you the option of changing up your guest list. Everyone who gets a STDate MUST get an invitation. But not everyone who gets an invitation needs to have gotten a STDate. So, say I'm planning a 100 person wedding, but only 15 are VIPs. I'll call those 15 people and tell them to Save The Date for my wedding a year from now. Then something crazy happens, my venue burns to the ground, I lose my life savings in a ponzi scheme, and I can no longer have the planned wedding. Well, I can change my plans to only having my 15 VIPs meet me at the local TGI Friday's for a quick wedding ceremony and lunch. If I had sent all 100 people on the original guest list a STDate, this change would not have been available to me.

CMGragain · May 2015

STDs didn't exist until about 20 years ago. I had never heard of them until my daughter's wedding, and my etiquette books do not mention them at all. They are always optional.

notdoingitbythebook · May 2015

adk19 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.
And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.
That is not how STDs are handled in my corner of the world. They go to everyone on the list to be invited. But different regions and different types of weddings handle them differently. All good. As long as the information gets there, that's all that matters.

Yes, but the nice thing about NOT sending them to EVERYONE on the guest list, is that it gives you the option of changing up your guest list. Everyone who gets a STDate MUST get an invitation. But not everyone who gets an invitation needs to have gotten a STDate. So, say I'm planning a 100 person wedding, but only 15 are VIPs. I'll call those 15 people and tell them to Save The Date for my wedding a year from now. Then something crazy happens, my venue burns to the ground, I lose my life savings in a ponzi scheme, and I can no longer have the planned wedding. Well, I can change my plans to only having my 15 VIPs meet me at the local TGI Friday's for a quick wedding ceremony and lunch. If I had sent all 100 people on the original guest list a STDate, this change would not have been available to me.

Yes I do agree with that. However, I would hope that the people in my life are understanding enough to understand that a life altering experience changed the game and that they are no longer invited because of that. If someone got a STD and then some earth shattering happened to change the wedding and they ended up not coming because of that change and got pissed about it, then they are pretty assholian to not be understanding why the invite never came even though they got a STD.

CMGragain · May 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

adk19 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.
And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.
That is not how STDs are handled in my corner of the world. They go to everyone on the list to be invited. But different regions and different types of weddings handle them differently. All good. As long as the information gets there, that's all that matters.
Yes, but the nice thing about NOT sending them to EVERYONE on the guest list, is that it gives you the option of changing up your guest list. Everyone who gets a STDate MUST get an invitation. But not everyone who gets an invitation needs to have gotten a STDate. So, say I'm planning a 100 person wedding, but only 15 are VIPs. I'll call those 15 people and tell them to Save The Date for my wedding a year from now. Then something crazy happens, my venue burns to the ground, I lose my life savings in a ponzi scheme, and I can no longer have the planned wedding. Well, I can change my plans to only having my 15 VIPs meet me at the local TGI Friday's for a quick wedding ceremony and lunch. If I had sent all 100 people on the original guest list a STDate, this change would not have been available to me.

Yes I do agree with that. However, I would hope that the people in my life are understanding enough to understand that a life altering experience changed the game and that they are no longer invited because of that. If someone got a STD and then some earth shattering happened to change the wedding and they ended up not coming because of that change and got pissed about it, then they are pretty assholian to not be understanding why the invite never came even though they got a STD.

(Knot is being weird. The following text is CMGragain's reply.)

If something so "earth shattering" does happen, the proper thing to do is to send everyone who got an STD a wedding cancellation notice. You never simply ignore the STD. Once it is sent, you must follow it up with an invitation OR cancel the wedding. There is no other polite option.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

notdoingitbythebook said:

adk19 said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

TrixieJess said:

notdoingitbythebook said:

notdoingitbythebook said:
You don't need to send them at all. We weren't planning on sending them. We only chose to send them because there was drama brewing within the FH's family about the "officialness" of the wedding and he wanted something sent out to make it "official" so the stupidity would stop. And we achieved our goal. He would have sent out the invitations at that point if he could, but it was much too early. so the STDs were a compromise.
Actually, we DO have to send STDs. We are getting married during the summer and we are inviting people and their children. Weekends fill up very quickly with my circle and STDs are one way to ensure that everyone that we love will be able to join us. There is a practical reason to send STDs, it's not just to be "official".

Yes, in your situation I can see how they would be good information for people. I was speaking globally that they are not necessary (like a lot of things at weddings that are nice but not necessary) not specifically to your situation. Of the 6 weddings I know of this year, we are the only ones that sent STDs and that was just to shut people up. I can see how it would be prudent to use them in your specific situation. I think STDs are one of those things that should be assessed on a by case basis.
And usually they are. I have only been to two weddings that had STDs and they were both OOT. STDs aren't sent willy-nilly, nor are they sent to EVERYONE on your invite list. They are sent to a select few who you know will require the notice in order to travel, book off, or get child care.
That is not how STDs are handled in my corner of the world. They go to everyone on the list to be invited. But different regions and different types of weddings handle them differently. All good. As long as the information gets there, that's all that matters.
Yes, but the nice thing about NOT sending them to EVERYONE on the guest list, is that it gives you the option of changing up your guest list. Everyone who gets a STDate MUST get an invitation. But not everyone who gets an invitation needs to have gotten a STDate. So, say I'm planning a 100 person wedding, but only 15 are VIPs. I'll call those 15 people and tell them to Save The Date for my wedding a year from now. Then something crazy happens, my venue burns to the ground, I lose my life savings in a ponzi scheme, and I can no longer have the planned wedding. Well, I can change my plans to only having my 15 VIPs meet me at the local TGI Friday's for a quick wedding ceremony and lunch. If I had sent all 100 people on the original guest list a STDate, this change would not have been available to me.

Yes I do agree with that. However, I would hope that the people in my life are understanding enough to understand that a life altering experience changed the game and that they are no longer invited because of that. If someone got a STD and then some earth shattering happened to change the wedding and they ended up not coming because of that change and got pissed about it, then they are pretty assholian to not be understanding why the invite never came even though they got a STD.

I'll put it this way... I'm wishy-washy. Sometimes I really like people and want everyone I know to come to my wedding. Sometimes I curl in on myself and only want to share that day with the people I love the most. I really like the idea of being able to change my mind. So, once we get started with the wedding planning, we'll make up a guest list and decide on a budget. And I'll add people to the guest list and remove people from the guest list as I get to know people better and as people piss me off. So, I don't want to have to decide to invite my mom's friend and her asshole husband right now because what if he turns into even more of an asshole in the next six months? What if I decide I like one of my co-workers a lot more by then and would rather she come to my wedding? So, I won't do STDates. Just a personal preference for my flaky self.

notdoingitbythebook · May 2015

Totally understandeable. Everyone we invited we wanted at the wedding, even if they are not able to come. So we sent STDs. Some have already said they can't come to the wedding but will come to a later party we're having in my home town. They are still invited and will be welcomed with open arms. We are lucky that our family drama isn't that bad, though I will admit that there are people on the list that I would love for them to lose their invitations. Unfortunately they are family. But alas, I hear what you're saying.

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