Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Chit Chat
I can't even deal with this kind of drama...
The invitations haven’t even gone out and the drama has started and my cousin ”Krissy” sent me an email asking me to please not sit her at the same table as her mom and sister at my wedding because she wasn’t speaking to either.
Krissy has what I would term an “on again/off again” relationship with her mother and sister. It’s a long story why that I don’t really need to get into. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and he and I both want her there. She’s not easy to deal with, but my dad and his siblings have learned to deal with their sister like adults. My cousin, on the other hand, I can do without. She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.
Unfortunately, save the dates went out in December and they both received them, so there is no pulling of invitations at this point. How does one respond to a pre-invitation request like this?
Krissy has what I would term an “on again/off again” relationship with her mother and sister. It’s a long story why that I don’t really need to get into. My aunt is my dad’s sister, and he and I both want her there. She’s not easy to deal with, but my dad and his siblings have learned to deal with their sister like adults. My cousin, on the other hand, I can do without. She has a history of causing drama and RSVP-ing no to weddings and not showing up. I am deathly afraid that she is going to RSVP yes and then not show up.
Unfortunately, save the dates went out in December and they both received them, so there is no pulling of invitations at this point. How does one respond to a pre-invitation request like this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I can't even deal with this kind of drama...
But I would go ahead and sit her at a different table to avoid a mess.
I would respond with "I'm not even thinking of table assignments yet! Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"
I wouldn't respond to her specific request now, but would honor that request to keep the peace at the wedding.
I do agree with PPs. It's way too early for her to be worrying about this and I'd respond in the same way PPs have said.
That being said though- I dunno, my family has drama at times too, every family does. Ie my sister and I haven't spoken in almost 8 months. So if I had a simple request to not sit at her table and someone thought I was "stirring drama" and ignored my request just to teach me a lesson or something, I'd be pretty pissed. At the end of the day no one can know everyone's full family dynamics. Is this a request that's really that hard to honor, if it means your guests will be more comfortable?
I totally get that planning a huge event and possibly having a bunch of these requests is super annoying, it's hard to honor every request, and people should be able to suck it up like adults for one night, etc. So I'm not disagreeing at all, just playing "devil's advocate"- I HATE that phrase though, but you know what I mean hopefully.
Formerly martha1818
The freaking nerve just pisses me off.1. I hate to say it, but she's only invited because she is family and I'm inviting all of my cousins. 2. I can't get over that she thinks that her own personal disagreements/blowups warrant a 3+ month warning to make sure that I don't cause her discomfort. 3. If it's a problem for you to be near your mom, then stay home and don't drag your drama to my wedding.
And by the way, because I knoe their history of drama, I was never ever going to seat them at the same table anyway!
BAAAAAH
Sigh. I'm not. Im just going to vent to you ladies and then take your advice to ignore. Thanks for listening.
And this is why I am adamantly opposed to save the dates except in the case of international travel and maybe domestic travel by plane only (and even then, I'm not convinced it's absolutely necessary unless they are also a VIP). You don't need to call dibs on something so far in advance - most people can manage to figure out their schedule in the requisite 8-10 weeks of lead time an invite gives them. Relationships change, drama can unfold, people can change their minds, etc. Just something for the lurkers to consider.
As for the actual question, I'm not sure why it's so hard to say "I will keep that in mind when I make the seating chart" and then change the subject. Address the request in the most non-committal way possible and refuse to engage if they want to further discuss the actual drama leading to the request. Minus the drama part, it's not different from any other request. "Can you please seat me near the restrooms because I'll have the baby with me and I won't have to schlep across the room when s/he needs to be changed?" Or "Can you seat me farther away from the DJ because it's too loud with my hearing aids?"
And deathly afraid? Maybe dial the hyperbole back. Your cousin showing up or not showing up to your wedding isn't going to make or break you. What words are you going to use for genuinely scary things, like axe murderers breaking into your house? Because you already used up "deathly afraid" on your cousin not showing up to your wedding (or showing up - depending on whether that was a typo in the OP)