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Awesome Friends/Bridesmaids

kmbay84kmbay84 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited May 2015 in Chit Chat
Hi all wonderful knotties,

I just wanted to share my happiness with my bridal party, one in particular.  They are all awesome, but this just happened with one and just made my day.  Perhaps it's because I got maybe an hour of sleep last night and I am extra emotional.  My wedding will be in the Green Bay, Wisconsin area.  Her husband is traveling for work and flying in from overseas literally the day before the wedding to make it.  He is then traveling again out of the country for work the day after our wedding!  I of course would have understood if he could not make it because that is some serious traveling time/logistical headache.  My friend/bridesmaid asked if they could miss the wedding rehearsal, but that they could make the rehearsal dinner since he will be landing in Minnesota at 1PM and then they will pack and drive to Green Bay.  I said of course, don't worry about it, if you make it in time for the dinner, awesome, come join us, if not don't worry about it.  He will be so tired and jet lagged that I feel bad putting any pressure on them whatsoever to make it for that night.  She said that they will try to their best to adjust their schedules in order to make the rehearsal dinner, of which I told her seriously not to worry about it.  We would love to have them for that dinner, but it is a ok if they don't make it in time.  She said that she would not miss our wedding for the world, which just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  It just feels good to hear that sometimes and I just want to shout my happiness and appreciation from the roof tops.  I want to stand up at the wedding dinner and thank everyone for coming out of their way to the wedding and especially thank my awesome wedding party for lending their time and energy to being beside me through the process.  Would it be weird to give that extra thanks to the wedding party?

Also, this particular friend's/bridesmaid's husband won't know anyone else at the wedding and I don't want to sit him among some strangers.  I would feel terrible splitting up this couple especially since he travels a lot for work and I don't think she gets to see him that often.  Even if he didn't travel, I would not want to split them up.  I just feel like that is rude.  Am I wrong?  I feel like if I do that for them, then I should do it for the rest of the wedding party.  However, one of my bridesmaids is my FSIL and one of the groomsmen is her husband.  I feel like it would be unfair to have everyone else's SO at the head table, but keep these two at opposite sides of the head table.  What would you all do?  Would you recommend sitting her husband on the bridal party side so that they could sit next to each other or keeping them at opposite ends while other SO's are at the table?

Thanks for reading!
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Re: Awesome Friends/Bridesmaids

  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    You should always seat couples together at a wedding.  End of story.
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    This is why I hate head tables.

    Anyway you guys can get a sweetheart table and call it a day? We had  GM hang out with a table of friends instead of the other WP because he didn't know any of them very well, and we know he liked that more.


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    kmbay84 said:

    Hi all wonderful knotties,

    I just wanted to share my happiness with my bridal party, one in particular.  They are all awesome, but this just happened with one and just made my day.  Perhaps it's because I got maybe an hour of sleep last night and I am extra emotional.  My wedding will be in the Green Bay, Wisconsin area.  Her husband is traveling for work and flying in from overseas literally the day before the wedding to make it.  He is then traveling again out of the country for work the day after our wedding!  I of course would have understood if he could not make it because that is some serious traveling time/logistical headache.  My friend/bridesmaid asked if they could miss the wedding rehearsal, but that they could make the rehearsal dinner since he will be landing in Minnesota at 1PM and then they will pack and drive to Green Bay.  I said of course, don't worry about it, if you make it in time for the dinner, awesome, come join us, if not don't worry about it.  He will be so tired and jet lagged that I feel bad putting any pressure on them whatsoever to make it for that night.  She said that they will try to their best to adjust their schedules in order to make the rehearsal dinner, of which I told her seriously not to worry about it.  We would love to have them for that dinner, but it is a ok if they don't make it in time.  She said that she would not miss our wedding for the world, which just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  It just feels good to hear that sometimes and I just want to shout my happiness and appreciation from the roof tops.  I want to stand up at the wedding dinner and thank everyone for coming out of their way to the wedding and especially thank my awesome wedding party for lending their time and energy to being beside me through the process.  Would it be weird to give that extra thanks to the wedding party?

    Also, this particular friend's/bridesmaid's husband won't know anyone else at the wedding and I don't want to sit him among some strangers.  I would feel terrible splitting up this couple especially since he travels a lot for work and I don't think she gets to see him that often.  Even if he didn't travel, I would not want to split them up.  I just feel like that is rude.  Am I wrong?  I feel like if I do that for them, then I should do it for the rest of the wedding party.  However, one of my bridesmaids is my FSIL and one of the groomsmen is her husband.  I feel like it would be unfair to have everyone else's SO at the head table, but keep these two at opposite sides of the head table.  What would you all do?  Would you recommend sitting her husband on the bridal party side so that they could sit next to each other or keeping them at opposite ends while other SO's are at the table?

    Thanks for reading!

    Head tables are very 1980s.  Let everyone sit with their significant others (and kids if applicable) at your reception.  You can either let everyone sit at regular 8-10 person table with people they know, or you can have a Kings Table which is like a head table with dates.  You're right, it's silly to have bridesmaids on one side of the table and groomsmen on the other.  Plus, who wants to be on display when they're eating?
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2015
    kmbay84 said:

    Hi all wonderful knotties,

    I just wanted to share my happiness with my bridal party, one in particular.  They are all awesome, but this just happened with one and just made my day.  Perhaps it's because I got maybe an hour of sleep last night and I am extra emotional.  My wedding will be in the Green Bay, Wisconsin area.  Her husband is traveling for work and flying in from overseas literally the day before the wedding to make it.  He is then traveling again out of the country for work the day after our wedding!  I of course would have understood if he could not make it because that is some serious traveling time/logistical headache.  My friend/bridesmaid asked if they could miss the wedding rehearsal, but that they could make the rehearsal dinner since he will be landing in Minnesota at 1PM and then they will pack and drive to Green Bay.  I said of course, don't worry about it, if you make it in time for the dinner, awesome, come join us, if not don't worry about it.  He will be so tired and jet lagged that I feel bad putting any pressure on them whatsoever to make it for that night.  She said that they will try to their best to adjust their schedules in order to make the rehearsal dinner, of which I told her seriously not to worry about it.  We would love to have them for that dinner, but it is a ok if they don't make it in time.  She said that she would not miss our wedding for the world, which just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  It just feels good to hear that sometimes and I just want to shout my happiness and appreciation from the roof tops.  I want to stand up at the wedding dinner and thank everyone for coming out of their way to the wedding and especially thank my awesome wedding party for lending their time and energy to being beside me through the process.  Would it be weird to give that extra thanks to the wedding party?

    Also, this particular friend's/bridesmaid's husband won't know anyone else at the wedding and I don't want to sit him among some strangers.  I would feel terrible splitting up this couple especially since he travels a lot for work and I don't think she gets to see him that often.  Even if he didn't travel, I would not want to split them up.  I just feel like that is rude.  Am I wrong?  I feel like if I do that for them, then I should do it for the rest of the wedding party.  However, one of my bridesmaids is my FSIL and one of the groomsmen is her husband.  I feel like it would be unfair to have everyone else's SO at the head table, but keep these two at opposite sides of the head table.  What would you all do?  Would you recommend sitting her husband on the bridal party side so that they could sit next to each other or keeping them at opposite ends while other SO's are at the table?

    Thanks for reading!

    DO NOT split up couples. That's incredibly rude. Let your bridal party sit with their significant others. I've never really understood the point of a head table (or large group tables for that matter) anyway. It's not like you can talk to all those people at once. Regardless, if you want to do it, let your bridal party sit next to their SO. 

    As far as the thanking, I would just keep that to a general thank you. Thank your bridal party indivudually at the rehearsal dinner and/or in a thank you note. 
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Very good points.  That is what I figured.  Thanks ladies!
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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I just think of movies like The Wedding Singer when I think of a head table like that, with all the women spread out on one side and all of the men on the other.  I've never been at a wedding that had one luckily.  
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    You should never split up couples. It is incredibly rude and tacky. I hate head tables with a buring passion. I was a BM in my cousin's wedding and I hated being away from my friends and I hated being on display even more. 

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  • lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Think of it this way.  Would you want to not sit with your fiance at a wedding?  Would you prefer to be at a different table, awkwardly staring at him sitting with a group of people he didn't know?

    I would hope not.
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Very true @lacqueredlover.  You are right.  I definitely do not want to do that to my wedding party.
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    kmbay84 said:

    Hi all wonderful knotties,

    I just wanted to share my happiness with my bridal party, one in particular.  They are all awesome, but this just happened with one and just made my day.  Perhaps it's because I got maybe an hour of sleep last night and I am extra emotional.  My wedding will be in the Green Bay, Wisconsin area.  Her husband is traveling for work and flying in from overseas literally the day before the wedding to make it.  He is then traveling again out of the country for work the day after our wedding!  I of course would have understood if he could not make it because that is some serious traveling time/logistical headache.  My friend/bridesmaid asked if they could miss the wedding rehearsal, but that they could make the rehearsal dinner since he will be landing in Minnesota at 1PM and then they will pack and drive to Green Bay.  I said of course, don't worry about it, if you make it in time for the dinner, awesome, come join us, if not don't worry about it.  He will be so tired and jet lagged that I feel bad putting any pressure on them whatsoever to make it for that night.  She said that they will try to their best to adjust their schedules in order to make the rehearsal dinner, of which I told her seriously not to worry about it.  We would love to have them for that dinner, but it is a ok if they don't make it in time.  She said that she would not miss our wedding for the world, which just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  It just feels good to hear that sometimes and I just want to shout my happiness and appreciation from the roof tops.  I want to stand up at the wedding dinner and thank everyone for coming out of their way to the wedding and especially thank my awesome wedding party for lending their time and energy to being beside me through the process.  Would it be weird to give that extra thanks to the wedding party?

    Also, this particular friend's/bridesmaid's husband won't know anyone else at the wedding and I don't want to sit him among some strangers.  I would feel terrible splitting up this couple especially since he travels a lot for work and I don't think she gets to see him that often.  Even if he didn't travel, I would not want to split them up.  I just feel like that is rude.  Am I wrong?  I feel like if I do that for them, then I should do it for the rest of the wedding party.  However, one of my bridesmaids is my FSIL and one of the groomsmen is her husband.  I feel like it would be unfair to have everyone else's SO at the head table, but keep these two at opposite sides of the head table.  What would you all do?  Would you recommend sitting her husband on the bridal party side so that they could sit next to each other or keeping them at opposite ends while other SO's are at the table?

    Thanks for reading!



    Um, all SOs should be sitting with each other, whether they are in the bridal party or not. Am I reading it correctly that you're splittng up your bridal party from their SOs? Not okay.

    If you split me up from my SO at a wedding, especially if it's just because of a stupid head table, I'd move my chair next to him. And if you had a problem with it, we'd leave and go out to dinner on our own. You never split up couples, end of story.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Before lurking on TK that is all I knew, but now I have seen the error of my ways.  I am not going to split them up.  I am glad I came here. 
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  • yogapantsyogapants member
    250 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    kmbay84 said:

    Very true @lacqueredlover.  You are right.  I definitely do not want to do that to my wedding party.

    This is the right attitude to have. Let your wedding party sit with their significant others. If you still want them all with you, then you can do a king's table.

    I'm kind of dreading this issue for the weddings we're attending this year. He's in two, I'm in one (a different one), and one we'll attend as regular guests. I wouldn't be surprised if we're split up at one or two of these weddings. Don't do that to your friends.
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yes, I am feeling that way as well @yogapants, thank you.  I am liking a king's table more and more. 

    I am sorry you might be split up.  I have never been in a wedding party when I have had a significant other, but I can imagine how that would sucky and awkward that would feel and I do not want to do that to my friends.  The ones who have been graciously with us throughout it all.
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    @kmbay84 I just want to applaud you on how you are handeling the responses to your questions. We have seen countless SS come here with shitty ideas and then get all bent out of shape when we tell them their ideas are rude. Thanks for taking them in stride! I like you!
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I refused to split up couples and so it ends up being sort of a small "sweet heart" table for us and then a long table off each side of it for WP and their SOs.  We have a small group and really could have accomplished it with a 10 person table but apparently this set up will fit the space better and give more room to the other tables.  FI was all about it so I said whatever, as long as people are at the same table as their SO I don't care the look. I personally hate the long table/look out at the rest of the guests at round tables but whatever.
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Aww..thank you @sarawifenow!  Just out of curiosity and because my tired brain is fried, what does SS stand for?  I have seen that happen myself and do not want to get all defensive when you all are just giving honest and real opinions.  I have to admit that I was a little stunned, not sure if that is the right word, at the responses as I definitely do not want to split up my friends and make them feel awkward and alone.  That is the last thing that I want as I love my friends dearly.  But then I took a breath, stepped back, thought about the responses objectively, and tried to see how you saw me when you read my post since you don't really know me.  I understand.  It's all good.  I very much value your opinions and thank you all for your input in preventing me from making my friends feel like crap!

    That sounds awesome @kvruns!
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ugh, I sat at head table once and it sucked. It was also up on a platform, which made me feel like I was participating in some kind of panel at a conference.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    kmbay84 said:

    Aww..thank you @sarawifenow!  Just out of curiosity and because my tired brain is fried, what does SS stand for?  I have seen that happen myself and do not want to get all defensive when you all are just giving honest and real opinions.  I have to admit that I was a little stunned, not sure if that is the right word, at the responses as I definitely do not want to split up my friends and make them feel awkward and alone.  That is the last thing that I want as I love my friends dearly.  But then I took a breath, stepped back, thought about the responses objectively, and tried to see how you saw me when you read my post since you don't really know me.  I understand.  It's all good.  I very much value your opinions and thank you all for your input in preventing me from making my friends feel like crap!

    That sounds awesome @kvruns!

    SS= Speshul Snowflake... The normal rules don't apply to them.
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ah, gotcha, thanks @ask19
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  • kmbay84kmbay84 member
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    *@adk19
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  • dolewhipperdolewhipper member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    kmbay84 I like you. Stick around, you'll learn a lot and get a lot of insight. I got married 2 months ago and I learned and avoided SO MUCH because of these knotties.


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  • anjemonanjemon member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    We did a sweetheart table for H and I, then two 8 top tables of wedding party-ish people (WP and friends who didn't know other people). Most of our WP was married so it worked best that way. And then both of my sisters and their families sat at "cousins tables" because I figured they would appreciate talking to our mutual family more than my friends they don't really know. As far as I know it worked out well.
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