We are over a year out and the drama begins....I'm so fucking pissed off right now (excuse the language) and just need to vent. I actually made myself a margarita tonight as a result.
Anyways, today is FI's birthday. We have both had such crazy hectic weeks that neither of us were able to go to dinner (he is in a meeting as I am typing this at 10 pm PST). We plan to celebrate this weekend. I told him how sorry I was that the best I could do was pick up take out on my way home, and he told me it was okay and that he received a phone call from home today that brightened his spirits about having to work so late on his birthday. His parents, sister, and a bunch of his friends were at his parents' house and they were all on speaker phone.
Well, apparently at one point in the conversation, his mom and sister both told him that Elle* (not her real name) should be a bridesmaid. Elle is a friend that FI basically grew up with, but FI isn't really extremely close with Elle. They don't talk much and FI doesn't really know much about Elle. I have met Elle a handful of times, and while we get along really well, she isn't the first person who I would call if something was wrong, unlike the four girls that I plan to ask to be bridesmaids. I am also as close to Elle as I am to two of FI's other female friends, A and K, and so is he.
Elle was in the room when FMIL and FSIL suggested this to FI, and said how she would love to be a bridesmaid, in front of K.
The infuriating part of this whole thing is that FMIL suggested this a few weeks ago when we talked to her, and FI and I both said that it would be strange for us to ask her and not ask A and K, and that we have other friends that we are closer to who we decided also wouldn't be in our bridal party. FMIL didn't respect our wishes and basically told others that Elle should be a bridesmaid, and tried to back FI into a corner over it on a call that should have just been to wish him a happy birthday.
This would be entirely different if FI told me that this was someone who was like a second sister to him, but he just isn't that close with her. And now I feel like the good relationship I did have with Elle might be strained if I don't ask her, but I don't feel right asking her and not asking A and K, in addition to 3 other people who I am even closer to than the three of them.
FI and I are just very annoyed about the whole thing, and don't know how to proceed without hurting anyone's feelings.