AW: I'm gonna be an AUNT! + question

dolewhipper · May 2015

I'M SO FLIPPIN' EXCITED! Doesn't hurt that she firmly believes she was KU the night of my wedding. (Parents are claim it's my "fault", which I don't mind!) She has her first ultrasound on the 15th.

Question though: obviously I'm ecstatic. At what point do I go from "loving sister who wants to see how she's doing", to "annoying, won't you mind your own business I'm already tired and sick as it is"? Right now I've been sending about 2-3 text messages a week; usually we would only have a text conversation once, maybe twice a week. I have been asking about random things other than how she's feeling.

Also, is there any gift that you received during your pregnancy that you absolutely loved?

Blergbot · May 2015

It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!

dolewhipper · May 2015

Blergbot said:
It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!

I wish I could already know but she's on the other side of the country and doesn't really use social media.

Blergbot · May 2015

I just mean if, during your regular communication, she brings up feeling particularly bad, then you might check in on her a little more for a few days.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

Blergbot said:
It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!

Yeah this sounds good to me. It honestly gets a little annoying having everyone ask how you're doing ALL THE TIME. Like, should I be feeling differently than "meh?" Plus people don't really like when that's your answer, or "TBH my tits really hurt, I've peed 67 times today, and I'm having anxiety attacks over the thought of an episiotomy." My sister likes hearing things like which size fruit the baby is this week though, so that's a fun update to share with her.

dolewhipper · May 2015

lolo883 said:

Blergbot said:
It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!
Yeah this sounds good to me. It honestly gets a little annoying having everyone ask how you're doing ALL THE TIME. Like, should I be feeling differently than "meh?" Plus people don't really like when that's your answer, or "TBH my tits really hurt, I've peed 67 times today, and I'm having anxiety attacks over the thought of an episiotomy." My sister likes hearing things like which size fruit the baby is this week though, so that's a fun update to share with her.

See, I really wouldn't mind your TBH answer. I want her to be able to know she can vent to me if she would like. Maybe it's because our mom can't support her right now as my mom suffered from a serious stroke which left her mute and unable to do and understand many things. My sister and my mom had a bond like no other; my sister would go to my mom for everything. I want her to know that I am here 100% for her for anything.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

dolewhipper said:

lolo883 said:

Blergbot said:
It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!
Yeah this sounds good to me. It honestly gets a little annoying having everyone ask how you're doing ALL THE TIME. Like, should I be feeling differently than "meh?" Plus people don't really like when that's your answer, or "TBH my tits really hurt, I've peed 67 times today, and I'm having anxiety attacks over the thought of an episiotomy." My sister likes hearing things like which size fruit the baby is this week though, so that's a fun update to share with her.
See, I really wouldn't mind your TBH answer. I want her to be able to know she can vent to me if she would like. Maybe it's because our mom can't support her right now as my mom suffered from a serious stroke which left her mute and unable to do and understand many things. My sister and my mom had a bond like no other; my sister would go to my mom for everything. I want her to know that I am here 100% for her for anything.

Tell her that.

You could look up what things she might be going through that week, and say "I heard sometimes moms get really dizzy right now, how've you been?" Way better than the people who've been asking me for like 6 weeks if I can feel the baby move yet. No. Not yet. Stop asking.

dolewhipper · May 2015

lolo883 said:

dolewhipper said:

lolo883 said:

Blergbot said:

Tell her that. You could look up what things she might be going through that week, and say "I heard sometimes moms get really dizzy right now, how've you been?" Way better than the people who've been asking me for like 6 weeks if I can feel the baby move yet. No. Not yet. Stop asking.

Great idea, thank you!

jenna8984 · May 2015

Congrats to you and your sister's family! My brother's wife is due any day now with niece/ nephew #3- it's very fun!

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

lolo883 said: Blergbot said:It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.
Get her some fancy ginger beer!

Yeah this sounds good to me. It honestly gets a little annoying having everyone ask how you're doing ALL THE TIME. Like, should I be feeling differently than "meh?" Plus people don't really like when that's your answer, or "TBH my tits really hurt, I've peed 67 times today, and I'm having anxiety attacks over the thought of an episiotomy." My sister likes hearing things like which size fruit the baby is this week though, so that's a fun update to share with her.

To be honest, I wish pregnant women would be honest so I know what to expect if/when it's my turn! I've seen women say, "I feel totally fine. It's all good, yeah, great pregnancy," and I wonder really? Because if it's my turn and I feel like shit all the time, I'm going to freak out that something's wrong with me because all my friends said they felt good. (And then you get the pregnant women who are all, "Nobody warned me it would be like this!"...)

To the OP's question I'd just maintain your normal level of communication of 1-2 text convos a week about regular stuff.

FiancB · May 2015

I think the best thing to do, especially when baby comes, is to do things/get things for HER. Everything is all about baby now and I'm sure that gets old. When she does have it and you go visit her, go give her a hug and talk to her first, don't run right up to baby and ignore her. Get her something nice for her baby shower.

Other than that, really depends on you guys and your relationship. Obviously you know her better than we do.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

How exciting!

One of those massive pregnancy pillows was an essential item when I was pregnant (and I totally still use it)! I also loved my spandex belly band thing I could wear with unzipped pants (saved me from having to buy maternity pants/skirts... I also lived in maxi dresses that summer).

@FiancB has some good advice. When my son was born, I had a friend get me a basket of stuff that came in handy for the newborn phase and late night feedings - books, water bottle, tea, hand lotion and lanolin (if nursing, lifesaver), some snacks,a journal, bubble bath, some nursing friendly PJ's, and I think a few other little things.

sarahufl · May 2015

Not pregnant, but being an aunt is pretty much the greatest- just wanted to say congrats

Heffalump · May 2015

If she doesn't already have some, send her some Bella Bands. Those are awesome when you're outgrowing your regular clothes a little bit but not quite ready for full-on maternity clothes. They're good to have on hand because you never know when you'll wake up one morning and your pants won't quite button.

dolewhipper · May 2015

Spoke to her last night; she's still serving full time and I don't know how she does it! She has definitely told me about the nausea and bloating, but is one of those interesting people who refuses to take medicine/try remidies when they don't feel well, unless they absolutely have to. She won't even try ginger tea for her upset stomach, she thinks it's all in her head or being caused by her dizziness

I was all about to send her some ginger beer too. Oh well. Her loss and suffering on that area.

The belly band is a great idea @heffalump & AlisonM23 ! I will send her that instead. & thank you sara & jenna! I'm a step aunt right not but it's not really the same as my step siblings live far and had their kids after we became steps.

Blergbot · May 2015

thisismynickname said:
lolo883 said:

Blergbot said:
It's natural to text/call a little bit more right after the big news, but just make sure you're also asking about non baby related things, too. Then, after a week or two, maybe go back to normal unless you know she's feeling particularly pukey.

Get her some fancy ginger beer!
Yeah this sounds good to me. It honestly gets a little annoying having everyone ask how you're doing ALL THE TIME. Like, should I be feeling differently than "meh?" Plus people don't really like when that's your answer, or "TBH my tits really hurt, I've peed 67 times today, and I'm having anxiety attacks over the thought of an episiotomy." My sister likes hearing things like which size fruit the baby is this week though, so that's a fun update to share with her.

To be honest, I wish pregnant women would be honest so I know what to expect if/when it's my turn! I've seen women say, "I feel totally fine. It's all good, yeah, great pregnancy," and I wonder really? Because if it's my turn and I feel like shit all the time, I'm going to freak out that something's wrong with me because all my friends said they felt good. (And then you get the pregnant women who are all, "Nobody warned me it would be like this!"...)

To the OP's question I'd just maintain your normal level of communication of 1-2 text convos a week about regular stuff.

I'll be honest with you! From about six or seven weeks pregnant to I think around 15 weeks pregnant I had a low level of nausea all the time, but never threw up. I just felt kinda crummy all the time. Then, the night before my wedding, I started throwing up. It never became an everyday thing for me, more like once or twice a week, but it also lasted through the remainder of my pregnancy.

The worst part, though, happened in my third trimester. Right after I had about three weeks where I felt great. Then my pelvis started to ache. I thought it was normal, until it got so bad that I could barely get out of bed. I had something called symphisis pubis dysfunction, where the joint in your pelvis gets out of whack. I had to have physical therapy and wear a support belt. It cleared up as soon as I started going into labor.

I did love my cute bump, though. I kind of miss it.

ETA: Oh yeah...gestational diabetes sucked, too. But I was at risk for that due to some meds I take that make me insulin resistant.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

@thisismynickname I wasn't withholding or sugar coating anything though, there was just a stretch of time where I didn't feel ANYTHING noteworthy. I kinda felt like I was pregnanting wrong. I'd (later) tell my sisters and close friends that it felt like a low level hangover for about 2 months though, without the fun of drinking. Sometimes it's nothing though.

I'll make sure I come back and tell you about my mucus plug later though.

labro · May 2015

lolo883 said:
@thisismynickname I wasn't withholding or sugar coating anything though, there was just a stretch of time where I didn't feel ANYTHING noteworthy. I kinda felt like I was pregnanting wrong. I'd (later) tell my sisters and close friends that it felt like a low level hangover for about 2 months though, without the fun of drinking. Sometimes it's nothing though.

I'll make sure I come back and tell you about my mucus plug later though.

I definitely need to ask my sister about this one. She's about a week ahead of you!

My sister and I definitely have some of the conversations Lolo described. She pretty much gives me all the dirty details when I ask. But that's just our relationship. We talk (text, gchat) a few times a week and see each other once a week when we watch Game of Thrones. I ask how she's feeling, which has been excellent ever since her 2nd trimester started, and she'll tell me about what the baby is developing or if she can feel it moving, stuff like that.

Also, plus 1 to the person who suggested the Bella Band! My sister LOVES hers. She's still wearing all of her regular clothes for the most part, the Bella Band has saved her from having to make any actual maternity store trips so far.

This is our relationship...but I'm probably going to give her these onesies at her shower, along with an actual useful gift.

The raptor one comes from us joking that the baby looked kind of like a raptor in her first ultra-sound. Whatever it was at the time, it definitely wasn't very baby shaped!

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

I'm afraid to ask what a mucus plug is. But see, this is the stuff I'll find out anyway (assuming so).

Three of my closest friends are mothers. I'm debating when to tell them DH and I are planning this but when I do, I'll say, "Lay it on me. The good, bad, and ugly."

I'm betting that the "how are you feeling???" is the next phase of, "How's the wedding planning?" People do mean well and wish you the best but I can understand it being annoying.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?

sarahufl · May 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?

Maybe they won't ask again

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?

Come over here and cry in the corner with me. I have Lansinoh and Nutella. Please do not use them for the same purpose.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

sarahufl said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?
Maybe they won't ask again

haha yea. I tried with my mom, but it went undetected. Then I told her directly that I thought the question was annoying because EVERYBODY asks it. She was like "Well....what am I supposed to talk to you about?" Um, whatever we talked about for 29 years before I got knocked up?

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

sarahufl said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?
Maybe they won't ask again
haha yea. I tried with my mom, but it went undetected. Then I told her directly that I thought the question was annoying because EVERYBODY asks it. She was like "Well....what am I supposed to talk to you about?" Um, whatever we talked about for 29 years before I got knocked up?

Seriously. Only time in my life anyone had asked "So how are you FEELING? You feeling OK?" before getting KU was when I looked like absolute shit. It's not a normal thing to ask, so stop. How are you, how's it going, how's work, see any good movies lately? YOU CAN STILL ASK NORMAL QUESTIONS.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

lolo883 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?
Come over here and cry in the corner with me. I have Lansinoh and Nutella. Please do not use them for the same purpose.

yaaaasss. I am so down to devour some nutella with you. We can find all kinds of things to slather it on. Right now, I'm fantasizing about putting it on: nilla wafers, bananas, toast, graham crackers, apples, orange slices....We could have nutella fondue.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

lolo883 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Congrats!!!!

The most annoying thing I've found is that the new "hey, how are you?" is now "heyyyy, are you feeling ok? how are you feelinggggg?:):):):)"

IF ONE MORE PERSON ASKS ME HOW I'M FEELING I'M GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. And they don't want it. My boobs are sore, my skin feels stretched and itchy, I can't poop, I want a drink and can't have one, I'm tired as hell because I can't sleep, I feel fat, my clothes don't fit.....shall I go on?
Come over here and cry in the corner with me. I have Lansinoh and Nutella. Please do not use them for the same purpose.
yaaaasss. I am so down to devour some nutella with you. We can find all kinds of things to slather it on. Right now, I'm fantasizing about putting it on: nilla wafers, bananas, toast, graham crackers, apples, orange slices....We could have nutella fondue.

My breakfast the past 2 days has been a toasted English muffin with Nutella AND peanut butter. All melty in the nooks and crannies.

dolewhipper · May 2015

So my sister got her Bella band in the mail yesterday and LOVES it! She's excited she doesn't have to go out already and start getting new clothes; she can wait a little bit. Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

Since she lives far from me I'd like to send her little things (like the bella band) here and there, so if anyone else has other ideas please let me know.

southernbelle0915 I wish when I asked my sister/friends how they're doing while they're pregnant, they would really lay it out. I feel like I can be more of an effective friend for them and get them what they need (if I'm able) if they didn't hold back.

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

You wanting to be a good friend doesn't change the fact that they may have already been asked "how are you feeeeling?!" by nosy busybodies a thousand times today though, and might be feeling either tired of it, or ashamed/embarrassed of the answer. I know you mean well but it's not about you. And maybe they're not holding anything back - for some women, some days/weeks, pregnancy really is a breeze. Just let them tell you what they want to tell you.

southernbelle0915 · May 2015

lolo883 said:
You wanting to be a good friend doesn't change the fact that they may have already been asked "how are you feeeeling?!" by nosy busybodies a thousand times today though, and might be feeling either tired of it, or ashamed/embarrassed of the answer. I know you mean well but it's not about you. And maybe they're not holding anything back - for some women, some days/weeks, pregnancy really is a breeze. Just let them tell you what they want to tell you.

This. Or maybe they're trying to do what I tried to do with my mom (see above). She did not take the hint. I felt comfortable addressing it with her directly, but your friends may not.

Or they might be super excited to tell you they can't poop and that they're sad their clothes don't fit anymore. I don't know them and there are people like that, so I could be way off here.

FutureMrsN3312 · May 2015

For me, I didn't feel pregnant for the first almost 20 weeks. I was tired and bloated but didn't have any morning sickness. I didn't look pregnant. More like I was carrying around some extra weight from the holidays.

When coworkers or others that I'm not close with would ask how I'm feeling I'd give them the "oh just great". My mom and close friends I could honestly discuss not being able to shit, complain about my clothes not fitting etc. They've been there and can relate and not judge.

It annoyed me in the beginning when people would constantly ask how I was feeling but I tried to keep in mind that they are just genuinely curious and want the best. Some days that was harder then others.

The bella bands didn't help me for long but everyone is different. I've heard a lot of people swear by the snuggle. SIL said she was getting me one for xmas but got me a regular body pillow and that's been more trouble then its worth. I think I slept with it once.

AW: I'm gonna be an AUNT! + question

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