Which vendors to include in reception numbers

bizzy592 · May 2015

I was trying to explain to my brother why I wouldn't use a friends band for my wedding. These friends wouldn't be invited otherwise - but if I booked their band, I'd also have to include their wives/girlfriends as guests, and have seats for them all at dinner. 7 piece band would then equal an additional 14 guests.

My venue does have a nice room where all vendors will be able to spend breaks, have dinner, etc, so I wasn't planning to include any of them in my numbers for the main reception. But should I? Besides my officiant and his wife, are there other vendors who should be treated as guests?

monkeysip · May 2015

I think this just depends on the vendors.

We asked our DJ, photographer, and videographer, and they all said they'd rather just eat at the separate tables and have a quick meal, not the regular plated dinner. So they sat at little side tables outside the main reception room and ate burgers. I would have sat them at a regular table with a plated dinner if they wanted. So I didn't end up including them. But yours may prefer differently. I'd just ask, but I don't think etiquette *requires* them to sit in the regular reception room.

Also, would the band WANT to bring their wives/girlfriends? If this is a professional gig for them (would you be paying them?), do they really want their loved ones? If you're hiring them as actual vendors, I'd say not. If they'd be playing as a favor because you're friends, then I guess treat them as regular guests.

Schrammalot2989 · May 2015

We're telling our vendors to grab a plate and hit the buffet! But then again, we have to pay for 25 people whether we invite that many... so we're getting on their good side.

whovianstark · May 2015

My venue offers vendor meals at a lower price so that is what I am doing.

frenchiekin · May 2015

monkeysip said:
I think this just depends on the vendors.

We asked our DJ, photographer, and videographer, and they all said they'd rather just eat at the separate tables and have a quick meal, not the regular plated dinner. So they sat at little side tables outside the main reception room and ate burgers. I would have sat them at a regular table with a plated dinner if they wanted. So I didn't end up including them. But yours may prefer differently. I'd just ask, but I don't think etiquette *requires* them to sit in the regular reception room.

Also, would the band WANT to bring their wives/girlfriends? If this is a professional gig for them (would you be paying them?), do they really want their loved ones? If you're hiring them as actual vendors, I'd say not. If they'd be playing as a favor because you're friends, then I guess treat them as regular guests.

Re: the bolded, I was wondering the same. Are you inviting the spouses/SOs of other vendors (photographer, DJ, etc)? If this would be a professional gig for them and you are paying them, I don't see a reason why you would need to invite their SOs. They're not guests in that case, they're vendors. My FI is an awesome amateur photographer and was asked to shoot a friend's small wedding later this month. I was not invited and had no expectation to be - he's a vendor who is working their wedding.

If they are offering to play your wedding at no charge/as a gift to you and your FI, then I think extending the invitation to the SOs would be a nice gesture if not somewhat expected. Knotties, correct me if I'm wrong!

For the other half of your question, I think it would depend on your vendor's needs or preference. We are seating our photographer/photog assistant at guests tables and feeding them what we are feeding our guests. Our photog knows some of our friends and requested a meal equivalent to guest meals in his contract, so this worked for us. Our DJ will be fed our vegan meal option (at his request) but will eat in the DJ booth (also his request/kind of necessary). I think it's fine to ask your vendors what they prefer. Many people do simple vendor meals and they eat in a different area.

huskypuppy14 · May 2015

My venue offered vendor meals at a discounted price. We had stations, so they were welcome to eat the same as the other guests. Ask you venue what they do for vendors.

It's courteous and I think expected to pay for the meals of the vendors staying throughout your reception that are not affiliated with the venue/caterer itself. So the photographer should be fed, but you don't have to feed the servers and bartenders. That doesn't mean they have to sit with the other guests though. Our DJ ate at his booth, and the photographer sat a high table near the bar to eat.

You have no obligation to invite the band members SO, because they should be paid vendors.

SP29 · May 2015

Also depends on your venue.

At our venue there was no separate place for vendors to sit/eat, but the venue had a vendor meal option (basically the meal minus the cost of the bar).

Our venue also required that we let them know how many vendors would be in attendance.

We had 2 photographers and a DJ. We sat the 2 photographers at a table with guests. They continued to take photos between courses. Our DJ originally had a seat at a guest table but he chose to eat at his DJ table so he could continue with music. Your officiant/spouse would be included in your guest list, as at the time of the reception they are no longer a vendor.

I am also confused about the band. Yes, you would be required to pay for meals for all band members (many vendors have this in their contract too), but if you are paying this band as a vendor then you are NOT required to invited their SOs too. They are vendors, not guests.

jacques27 · May 2015

1. If you're hiring the band (i.e. drawing up a contract and paying them), then I don't know why you would have to invite their SO's. They are vendors then, not friends. If you hire a random band who are strangers to you from off the street, would you be inviting their SO's?

2. Any vendor not part of the bartending/catering staff who is working the entire reception needs to be fed. Not necessarily treated like guests (as in extending an invitation to them like you would any other guests because they are going to actually be working during the reception - which is why it's different for the officiant who is a guest and not working the reception), but you do need to be paying for their dinner. So...yes to paying for meals for the photographer (and assistant if they have one), DJ or band, and wedding planner/day of coordinator. No to the bakery dropping off the cake, florists setting up the centerpieces and then leaving, or any other vendors dropping off items and leaving. Your vendors working the reception likely have it spelled out in their contract what is required in terms of providing a meal, but if they aren't specific, then ask their preference.

zitiqueen · May 2015

bizzy592 said:
I was trying to explain to my brother why I wouldn't use a friends band for my wedding. These friends wouldn't be invited otherwise - but if I booked their band, I'd also have to include their wives/girlfriends as guests, and have seats for them all at dinner. 7 piece band would then equal an additional 14 guests.

My venue does have a nice room where all vendors will be able to spend breaks, have dinner, etc, so I wasn't planning to include any of them in my numbers for the main reception. But should I? Besides my officiant and his wife, are there other vendors who should be treated as guests?

Jen4948 · May 2015

If the band was hired on a strictly professional basis, I don't see why you would have needed to invite their partners as well.

As to which vendors to include, include any whose contracts provide that they need meals. And even if they don't stipulate it specifically, I'd provide meals to anyone working the whole event, like your photographers, your musicians, your event coordinators, and if you have one, your MC.

photokitty · May 2015

The only vendor whose SO is traditionally invited, should they have one, is the officiant. And that's only if you have an existing relationship and want to invite them to the reception.

I would not put the photog or the videog in the back, unless they request it. It's best to have them in the main room so they can monitor things and get back to work. I would make sure they got their food at the same time as you as so can start working as soon as you finish eating.

The dj typically eats at their table. A band typically eats backstage.

bizzy592 · May 2015

Thanks all! I'd definitely plan to feed all vendors, just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't have to seat them at the reception tables. There's a very nice space for them to use.

My thought about the band is that they're all friends from high school/childhood, and I'm friends with all of their wives & girlfriends. To keep the numbers down, we'd decided not to invite that friend circle, but if I asked them to play, I'm sure they would give me the 'friend rate'. I don't think I'd feel comfortable NOT treating them as guests, who happened to play (and be paid) after dinner.

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