Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to thank guest for EXTREMELY generous wedding gift?

FI and I are getting married next month and today in the mail I received a beautiful card and an extraordinarily generous monetary gift from my grandmother's friend (who is also attending the wedding).

I'm honestly floored and a little unsure what to do. My mom mentioned that it might be nice to call in addition to obviously sending a very thoughtful thank you note.

Is calling in this situation appropriate? What would you do?
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Re: How to thank guest for EXTREMELY generous wedding gift?

  • FI and I are getting married next month and today in the mail I received a beautiful card and an extraordinarily generous monetary gift from my grandmother's friend (who is also attending the wedding).


    I'm honestly floored and a little unsure what to do. My mom mentioned that it might be nice to call in addition to obviously sending a very thoughtful thank you note.

    Is calling in this situation appropriate? What would you do?
    I don't know much about the situation but if it were my grandma and her friend I would probably take them out to lunch if they were interested.
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    Yep. If they're looking for a bigger and better thank you, they're doing it wrong. No one should ever say "I gave them a shit-ton of money and they didn't even call me beyond their thank you note!" Thank you notes are appropriate for gifts, and should be as genuine and individualized as possible. That can be all.
    tcnoble
  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy Stars Hollow member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    Yep. If they're looking for a bigger and better thank you, they're doing it wrong. No one should ever say "I gave them a shit-ton of money and they didn't even call me beyond their thank you note!" Thank you notes are appropriate for gifts, and should be as genuine and individualized as possible. That can be all.

    Thanks y'all. This is sort of what I felt uneasy about, too. We have written very personal thank you notes to everyone who has sent a gift early to the house. I called my mom and grandmom who are usually pretty up to snuff on etiquette when we received this card, and they both recommended calling my grandmom's friend so I'm glad I asked on here first.

    I'm going to write a thank you note tonight and pop it in the mail tomorrow morning!
    image
    whovianstark
  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2015

    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    Yep. If they're looking for a bigger and better thank you, they're doing it wrong. No one should ever say "I gave them a shit-ton of money and they didn't even call me beyond their thank you note!" Thank you notes are appropriate for gifts, and should be as genuine and individualized as possible. That can be all.

    Thanks y'all. This is sort of what I felt uneasy about, too. We have written very personal thank you notes to everyone who has sent a gift early to the house. I called my mom and grandmom who are usually pretty up to snuff on etiquette when we received this card, and they both recommended calling my grandmom's friend so I'm glad I asked on here first.

    I'm going to write a thank you note tonight and pop it in the mail tomorrow morning!
    Sounds like a good plan. After reading the other points I agree with them, I think I am just missing my grandma ha ha.


    Edit boxes
  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy Stars Hollow member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    RezIpsa said:

    The idea that people who give bigger and better gifts get bigger and better thank yous rubs me the wrong way. I think if you are writing thank you notes to everyone, that is what you do for this person as well. You can make it clear how much you appreciate it, but unless you are writing and calling everyone I would stick to a written thank you.

    Yep. If they're looking for a bigger and better thank you, they're doing it wrong. No one should ever say "I gave them a shit-ton of money and they didn't even call me beyond their thank you note!" Thank you notes are appropriate for gifts, and should be as genuine and individualized as possible. That can be all.

    Thanks y'all. This is sort of what I felt uneasy about, too. We have written very personal thank you notes to everyone who has sent a gift early to the house. I called my mom and grandmom who are usually pretty up to snuff on etiquette when we received this card, and they both recommended calling my grandmom's friend so I'm glad I asked on here first.

    I'm going to write a thank you note tonight and pop it in the mail tomorrow morning!
    Sounds like a good plan. After reading the other points I agree with them, I think I am just missing my grandma ha ha.


    Edit boxes
    I know the feeling! Aren't grandmoms the very best ?! :) 
    image
    whovianstarkmomofbride530
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We received a very large monetary gift from someone who did not attend our wedding.  This person was a friend of a guest  (who ended up not being able to attend). Not even someone we would "expect" to get a gift from, let alone the size of the gift.  Not that we expected any gifts, I'm just saying if we were to get a gift, he would not have been that person.

     We just sent a heartfelt thank you note.   We did not give him any extra attention.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • kvrunskvruns member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'd thank her the same as others. This very generous gift might be a drop in the bucket for the giver and no big deal whereas a struggling friend scrapes together and can only afford a $20 gift but it was a big deal for that person.
    SP29
  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy Stars Hollow member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:

    We received a very large monetary gift from someone who did not attend our wedding.  This person was a friend of a guest  (who ended up not being able to attend). Not even someone we would "expect" to get a gift from, let alone the size of the gift.  Not that we expected any gifts, I'm just saying if we were to get a gift, he would not have been that person.


     We just sent a heartfelt thank you note.   We did not give him any extra attention.
    kvruns said:

    I'd thank her the same as others. This very generous gift might be a drop in the bucket for the giver and no big deal whereas a struggling friend scrapes together and can only afford a $20 gift but it was a big deal for that person.


    Thanks all, this is exactly what we will do! I was unsure about it when my mom and grandmom recommended a phone call, so I'm glad I checked on here first!
    image
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    We ran in to this.  For some backstory - the woman in the couple graduated with my parents, is one of their best friends, is my sister's godmother, we call her auntie, etc, etc.  We've known them and hung out with them all my life, and see them as often as possible. 

    The only reason I wrote a letter beyond a regular thank you note was because SHE had written a letter in the card about watching me grow up, etc. The letter was more in response to that, than to the cheque.  Otherwise it would have been the same size of thank you note that everyone else got (handwritten and heartfelt).

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    ohannabelleRezIpsa
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