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Snarky Brides

Snark on someone's rude commetns

FI and I went out tonight to meet an old high school buddy of his for dinner, and he had some other friends there, too. I kind of hit it off with this one girl and we chatted a lot.  But then she kind of pissed me off.  FI is a chef. She was saying that her husband used to be a chef (I think in reality he just worked as a cook at a restaurant at one point, and she was conflating "restaurant employee" with chef... that's not the same as being a chef, but that's a whole different Oprah). 

She was like, "my husband used to be a chef but I convinced him to go to law school. I couldn't deal with marrying a chef, they all turn out to be alcoholics and drug addicts. I just couldn't deal with a husband who has two heavy beers each night before coming home!! That whole industry is just ripe with drug and alcohol abuse, I would never marry a chef."

I'm sorry, but that is just rude!  I'm not denying that there is substance abuse in the culinary industry (because there is), but that is such a rude thing to say.  It's like, "I'd never marry someone like your FI, he's bound to end up a loser.  I made my FI go to law school in order to be good enough for me." And she had no awareness about how this statement could come off as rude. And I, being polite and hating conflict, just nodded along.  

My FI usually works day shifts at his restaurant these days (he's easing into the more family oriented schedule). He gets up at like 4:30 am every day to be there, so casual drinking is kind of out of the question. But if he does work a night shift, he might have a beer or two with his crew after work. That's reasonable when your work day ends at 11 pm! This does not make him a loser or an addict, and it doesn't make him intolerable to be around when he gets home. I think for people in their early 20's this might turn into all-night partying, but not for the boss (chef), and not at our age. Plus, I work in the legal field and lawyers are some of the biggest boozers around!  I don't judge, they are under a lot of stress, too. But they do their drinking in suits at fancier bars, so I guess that makes it ok. 

Good for you for forcing your then-fiance to change careers for you. I would never do that. And I would never suggest to an engaged person, two months before their wedding, that their fiance is some kind of bad seed.  F*$^ that girl. Part of me wanted to be like "Yeah, well I've heard that lawyers have a high rate of infidelity -- I mean, I'd never marry a lawyer because he'd probably end up banging some paralegal!"  But I would never do that.  Because I have a freaking filter. 
onefootinthebayouthespeshulestsnowflakeQOTC2016[Deleted User]cupcait927Jen4948littlepepspeakeasy14kaitlynmichelleBubblegum5586KLM7386futuremrssalehchrissy0905Amanderson1290

Re: Snark on someone's rude commetns

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, that was pretty rude. Fuck her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • The last line of your post was brilliant. She was so out of line. I'm honestly surprised though that she was so clueless as to not know how offensive she was.

    I hope you don't ever have to hang out with her again. I admire your restraint in not saying something catty back. That would have been hard for me.

    What a person does for a living has zero bearing on their character (unless they're a thief or a lieutenant in ISIS or something!) Her comments showed her ignorance or possible insecurity by feeling a need to cut your FI down. She must have been aware she was doing that in some way...
  • I worked in the restaurant business for years and yep, there are people like your friend's wife is describing, there are also people like your husband. Now I've worked with lawyers too, and let me tell you, there are lots of drinkers and druggies among that profession too, probably statistically the same amount as in the restaurant biz. You may want to tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it if you have to see her again.
  • justsiejustsie member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Super interesting, I went and looked up the stats on what careers have the highest rates of substance use and "restaurant workers" did rank highest- no idea how valid the study was but I found a few sources that listed them top 5. Now, does that excuse ANY of the above conversation? NOPE. I mean, whats the rate of divorce now? Yet here she is taking that risk. She can shove it. 
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  • Are you sure her comments were truly that innocent?
    onefootinthebayou
  • kmmssg said:

    Are you sure her comments were truly that innocent?

    That was my question. Struck me as an intentional dig but it seemed like OP had just met her so unless she was immediately resentful of them at first meeting, the pointed rudeness is puzzling.
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
  • kmmssg said:

    Are you sure her comments were truly that innocent?

    That was my question. Struck me as an intentional dig but it seemed like OP had just met her so unless she was immediately resentful of them at first meeting, the pointed rudeness is puzzling.
    She could just be that clueless. I've made comments like these before (about a different topic) and then felt like a total ass when I realized how rude that must have sounded to the person I was talking to. Some people (like myself unfortunately) don't always think before we speak (I'm working on it). 
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    If that chick thinks lawyers don't have a high rate of alcoholism and drug addiction, she's insane and delusional.  She needs to attend a bar association dinner and see what it takes to even get through the mob of lawyers to be able to reach the bar & get a drink, and then count the number/percentage of lawyers and judges stumbling back to their cars.

    I know, I saw them almost every month for nearly 20 years.  And more than once I offered rides home.

    Most state bars and bar associations actually have their own addiction assistance programs!
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • afox007afox007 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer


    She was like, "my husband used to be a chef but I convinced him to go to law school. I couldn't deal with marrying a chef, they all turn out to be alcoholics and drug addicts. I just couldn't deal with a husband who has two heavy beers each night before coming home!! That whole industry is just ripe with drug and alcohol abuse, I would never marry a chef."



    ****SITB*****

    Well I won't be around for awhile ladies I need to check me and FI into rehab stat! It's only 5 and I am on my second beer. I think he has had 3! Poor FSS has to live with addicts. 
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  • WTF!  I'm marrying a Chef and that woman is plain nuts!!
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    What she said was rude but you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes, God Forbid you marry someone who actually knows how to fucking cook!  How useless that would be.  Let's just ignore the extreme stupidity of her drugs/alcohol correlations because when something is just that mind bottling asinine I literally.just.can't.

    I would have said, "What was it that Shakespeare said?  'The first thing we do, let's kill all the chefs?'  Oh wait no!  It was, 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

    And then I would have walked away.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    huskypuppy14
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    I would have said, "What was it that Shakespeare said?  'The first thing we do, let's kill all the chefs?'  Oh wait no!  It was, 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

    And then I would have walked away.

    Except that was actually a huge compliment to lawyers.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LD1970 said:

    I would have said, "What was it that Shakespeare said?  'The first thing we do, let's kill all the chefs?'  Oh wait no!  It was, 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

    And then I would have walked away.

    Except that was actually a huge compliment to lawyers.

    Why is that? I am dense.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I know people like this who are passively aggressively trying to make digs. The best "revenge" is just to say cheerfully "well I'm glad it worked out. Have you tried the steak here? I hear the bernaise is fantastic."

    Ignoring it or non-reacting is usually the best way to show them how stupid they are being. They are trying to get a rise out of you.
    hellohkb
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah no one who practices law becomes a drug addict or alcoholic.

    I'm gonna tell Wifey (who did go to law school and work as a lawyer) that one. She needs a good laugh.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I know, right!? TWO BEERS, time to change careers and go to rehab. But they are "heavy beers," I guess.  My FI does like those IPA's, better call the cops!
    KLM7386
  • I think this has something to do with lawyers and other "top tier" professionals (and I say this having many of those in the family/friend circle). If they're a lawyer/doctor, etc, it's a huge part of their identity, because they went to school for it and all, but they see other people's careers as merely "jobs," like they're interchangeable and you can just give them up. Like, "quit being a chef and go sell insurance or something." As if it's that easy. 

    News flash, it's not only "professionals" who are attached to their line of work. It's not just a job. My FI walked away from an engineering program to go to culinary school and go into his line of work, because it's what he loved. I would NEVER tell him to change it. We have discussed the possibilty of, later in life, becoming a culinary school instructor or a restaurant consultant or something (for the regular hours and such) but that's it. 

    She is probably the same type of a-hole who's super critical at restaurants and orders crazy things and sends food back - but yet doesn't respect the culinary profession. Well, sucks to be her. I'll be eating gourmet meals into old age and she'll be ordering takeout while her husband is working (and possibly banging paralegals).
    [Deleted User]
  • Thanks for your support. I haven't been back on the knot all week, but I do appreciate it. Now that I've had time to reflect, I STILL feel like this was a rude thing to say. And she didn't just say it once, she repeated this a bunch, including to my FI. I'm sure he felt cut down and also like "why are we having this conversation when we're all at a bar having drinks together?" For the record, we took and Uber home, and Mr and Mrs Attorney drove. After several drinks. As if fancy people are immune from drunk driving. Ugh, this is basically elitist behavior, fuck that girl. 
  • Snaps816Snaps816 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    edited May 2015
    I guess her husband is actually that little dog in your gif. I guess "two heavy beers" would send him into a psychotic rage and then a coma. 
  • I guess her husband is actually that little dog in your gif. I guess "two heavy beers" would send him into a psychotic rage and then a coma. 

    FYI, if you want to respond to a specific comment, hit the "Quote" button. I had to be told that as well since "Reply" would be the reflex. :)
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    LD1970 said:

    I would have said, "What was it that Shakespeare said?  'The first thing we do, let's kill all the chefs?'  Oh wait no!  It was, 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

    And then I would have walked away.

    Except that was actually a huge compliment to lawyers.
    I doubt that chick would have known that.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    LD1970 said:

    I would have said, "What was it that Shakespeare said?  'The first thing we do, let's kill all the chefs?'  Oh wait no!  It was, 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!"

    And then I would have walked away.

    Except that was actually a huge compliment to lawyers.
    I doubt that chick would have known that.
    Agreed, but I could never bring myself to misuse it - as a former lawyer & a Shakespeare fan. :)
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Wow how stereotypical and uncalled for and RUDE!

    My uncle went from cook to chef and he'd be the first to admit that in his partying phase he did drink after work but that was only when he worked at night. This also happened at the normal restaurants and not high-end ones.

    You know what? Fuck her. Chef hours are typically better than lawyer hours so you win out in the end because you get a great meal ;) and man obv
  • After I got engaged I had several people say "are you going to be okay basically being a single mom when you have kids?" FI is a physician, not dead. Some people just don't have tact.

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