Transportation Etiquette

Re: Transportation Etiquette

• japlanet member

  

  May 2015

  I would say that if you are transporting them TO the wedding (ex bridal party limo) then you should take reasonable steps to ensure that they have a ride back. If you are meeting at the venue, they can drive their own cars/carpool/otherwise make arrangements like competent adults.

  
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  May 2015

  japlanet said:

  I would say that if you are transporting them TO the wedding (ex bridal party limo) then you should take reasonable steps to ensure that they have a ride back. If you are meeting at the venue, they can drive their own cars/carpool/otherwise make arrangements like competent adults.

  this.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  We are providing transportation to the church ,and have offered to make arrangements to have people drop off their cars at the church earlier in the day.  After the church, the bridal party was going to drive themselves to the reception, so that everyone has their own car at the end of the night.   
  

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• MandyMost member

  

  May 2015

  Knottie29408529 said:

  We are providing transportation to the church ,and have offered to make arrangements to have people drop off their cars at the church earlier in the day.  After the church, the bridal party was going to drive themselves to the reception, so that everyone has their own car at the end of the night.   
  

  Do you all typically drive everywhere, and have to drive yourselves home? I know in my circle we all live in cities, and it's a big deal to think about having to drive yourself home at the end of the night. But in other circles it's par for the course.
  

  
  

  Etiquette-wise I think you're covered, but since these are your best friends in the entire world I would try to help make their lives easier, since they're going to be there to celebrate you. Your issue isn't just getting home at the end of the night, it's to get everyone from the hotel to the church, from the church to the reception, and from the reception to the hotel. If they're not driving, they'll need rides to all the places, not just at the end of the night!

  
  

  I think it's fine if there are other guests that can give your bridal party a ride home, including your parents, as long as they're all going to the same destination (i.e. the hotel). But how about taxis? Can you do some research for the bridal party? Call some taxi companies, find out if they service the area, and get cost estimates and wait-time estimates, etc? 
  

  
  

  How big is your bridal party, by the way? If it's a big bridal party, you're probably better off figuring out a way to transport everyone together, or there's always going to be lots of stragglers...it'll be like hearding cats. 

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2015

  Well, ordinarily it's their job to provide their own transportation and act like adults.  You're right that this should not be your parents' responsibility (nor should it be yours).

  It does seem like they're trying to passive-aggressively nudge you into providing transportation for them by saying that they "can't have fun" if they have to not drink in order to avoid DUI.  That said, if everyone's going to the same place, like a hotel, afterward, it would make sense to have a shuttle for them.  It would also make sense to have cabs for anyone not staying at the hotel.

  But I do think you need to address the "can't have fun" issue with your wedding party and tell them to grow the hell up.  They're being rude and immature by insisting they can't have fun at your wedding unless they can drink and unless someone else gives them transportation instead of being responsible for themselves.

  
  

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• bizzy592 member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  Another factor that comes into play is whether this is a local wedding,
  or if most of the guests will be traveling and staying at a hotel. If the former, they'll have local knowledge. Other friends who can be relied upon to drive, or pick them up if need be. Knowledge of which car services are safe, and which are sketchy. If the latter, my vote is in favor of providing a shuttle.
  
  Is the wedding in an area where taxis are readily available? Are most of your guests staying in the hotel 20 minutes away? Or further?
  
  If you're in a city, and we're talking about Downtown to Upper East Side, you don't need to worry about them. So many options between taxi, subway, uber.. But if all of your guests will be in the country, and their only options are to abstain or drive drunk, I think you need to provide a shuttle. And not just for your bridal party, but open to other guests.
  
  Edited for terrible grammar, as always.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  We are not staying at a hotel and neither are any of  our guests. The closest hotel is about 20 minutes away and does not provide transportation.  Everyone is pretty local, and most of the guests have kids and are getting sitters.  They need to go home after the reception. We are actually from OOT (I moved 5 years ago), but we aren't staying in a hotel.  We're staying at a family member's home.  

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• SP29 member

  

  May 2015

  I think the WP needs to figure out their own transportation home, like adults.

  
  

  Of course it would be considerate if there are options (such as someone driving them home), but it's not your responsibility.

  
  

  
  

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• eilis1228 member

  

  May 2015

  They can't call an uber or a cab themselves? Or arrange a DD among themselves?

  
  
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  May 2015

  I think my answer depends in part by the rest of the day's schedule. Are they coming to your house to get ready with you? How are they getting to the ceremony--- with you? In their own cars? How about getting to the reception? Are they going with you or in their own cars?

  
  

  While they should be taking responsibility for getting themselves home safely, if you're already taking responsibility of getting them around earlier in the day, I think you should help them get to the hotel at least. Or at least wherever they last left their car, know what I mean? 

  
  

  I've done this three ways-- I've been shuttled around, and I've found friends willing to be designated drivers and take me somewhere, and I've driven myself.  Don't cave to pressure, but also don't just leave them hanging. They're your nearest and dearest after all; it's not like you're transporting every guest at the wedding. 

  
  

  The "wanting to drink and have fun" thing is a whole nother ball of wax though. 

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• fyrchk member

  

  May 2015

  I was once in a wedding where the bride required that we ride with her to the wedding in the limo. We were then on our own as far as transportation went. I wasn't given a +1 as I was single nor did I really know anyone in the wedding party or at the wedding. When I addressed it with the bride she told me to ask the groomsman I had been paired up with (who I didn't know AT ALL) and wouldn't feel comfortable riding with. I ended up driving my car to the church and calling a taxi to take me to her house. It was VERY inconvenient. However, it sounds like you've thought out the after ceremony rides (having their cars dropped off) or everyone knows everyone else so this is a matter of them wanting you to take responsibility for their inability to not arrange a sober-ride. AND YOUR PARENTS SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS!

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• the2016bride2be member

  

  May 2015

  No to the hotel , but tell them were local ones are.
  Yes, transportation to the venue
  

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• groomguy87 member

  

  May 2015

  Only if you are directly providing transportation to the venue for the entire party (such as a limo).  In my case, I ended up driving a couple members of the wedding party to the venue (I got ready with them and we were all staying in the same hotel so it made sense) but they had no problems calling a cab to bring them back.  The rest of the WP made arrangements for themselves since some stayed in a hotel and some drove back that night.

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• frenchiekin member

  

  May 2015

  I would agree that yes, your BP consists of grown adults who should not need someone else to figure out how to safely get them home/to a hotel, and that your parents should not be saddled with this at the end of the night.

  
  

  However, if you are providing transportation to the church and/or reception, you really should be providing it at the end of the night as well.  I was in a wedding a few years ago and all of the bridesmaids were required to take the limo from the bride's house to the church and then to the reception, but there was no transportation to the hotel at the end of the night (B&G were staying at the small inn on the reception site, everyone else was in a hotel about 15 mins away).  FI and I had to do a lot of car-jockeying earlier that day so that we would have a way to get back to the hotel via a DD, but not be stuck there the next morning without a car.  Cabs were not an option in the area.

  
  

  If you're going to provide any transportation, provide it round trip unless public transportation/cabs are easily accessible.  It gets super complicated otherwise.  If you can't afford it at all, it's not the end of the world.  You aren't required to provide it.

  
  

  
  

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• lovemesomemonster member

  

  May 2015

  I agree with PPs, they are adults and if they can't figure out how to not drive drunk or have fun without drinking that's not really your deal. BUT if there is transportation to the venue that gets a little more tricky because they will be stranded without cars. 

  
  

  My bridal party is staying at the lodge and a lot of family is as well, but my dad (who will be 69yrs young at the wedding) has offered if for some reason the best of DD intentions get thrown out the window to drive people to other hotels at the end of the night. I really hope it doesn't come down to this but he doesn't drink (hasn't in almost 40yrs) and doesn't want anyone not being safe. I really hope it doesn't come down to him having to do this and it will not be offered so nobody will rely on it, it will just be a safe back up plan in case. I think your parent's offer was very nice and maybe a good idea to keep in your back pocket for an extreme circumstance but I wouldn't broadcast that they are offering in case people take advantage of it.

  
  

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