Addressing Inviations

Re: Addressing Inviations

• AddieCake member

  

  May 2015

  She should be invited by name, yes. You should have clarified his status before addressing invitations.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• christinemireille member

  

  May 2015

  I'm sure someone with more etiquette will chime in, so take this as you will. My fiance's cousin is getting married next weekend, and when they sent the invitations, it was addressed to Mr. John Smith and Guest. Although it wasn't intentional, I was really hurt. I couldn't believe that they couldn't make a quick phone call to their parents or my fiance's parents and ask what my name was. He and I have been together for almost two years, but because of the long distance nature of our relationship (work...ugh), I haven't met most of his family and won't until the wedding. However, they still knew I existed. I'm not usually offended, but for some reason it really bugged me. Especially since I had bothered my future in-laws for days straight to make sure I got everyone and their SO's names for the invites. (fwiw, the only people who got "and guest," were the people who aren't in relationships but we wanted to extend that courtesy to them) 

  
  

  Although I don't know that you broke any major etiquette rules (again, I'm certain someone will clarify that), you probably did/will hurt someone's feelings, especially if that person is engaged to your future family member. If you knew about her, you probably should have made a phone call or sent an email (if the overseas cost would have been too much) to find out what her name is. How I felt, and how she may feel, is that I was totally interchangeable with a friend or a dog or a baby or whoever else my fiance could have brought as his +1.

  
  

  Again though, not sure about etiquette.

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• banana468 member

  

  May 2015

  You should put her on the invitation.   Now that you're asking impartial people we'll give it to you straight: You were wrong.

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• Didoll member

  

  May 2015

  Honestly, I see the point on both sides. I personally wouldn't get offended, but then again there were a couple of family weddings (on his side) on which I wasn't properly invited to (one was a last minute text message saying you could come, and this was after about two years of dating although we weren't engaged yet. And the other I never even saw the invitation my fiance just told me the week of that we had a wedding to go to so I am assuming I was a plus one at that wedding), and in neither instance was I overly offended, despite the fact that I knew one of the couples quite well enough that they knew exactly who I was.

  
  

  I was thinking about re-writing it anyway (to keep the peace) but I just wanted to see what someone who was impartial thought about it. Like I said, I didn't see how it was a big deal, but I guess I was wrong. 

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• frenchiekin member

  

  May 2015

  If you haven't mailed it yet, 100% re-write it.  It's a minute or two of your time to easily prevent any kind of hard feelings or offense.  My FI's cousin and his FI addressed their STD to my FI only.  We've been together almost 6 years and we live in the same town as them - they've known me for all of those 6 years.  I'm sure it was their clueless etiquette mistake, but I was NOT pleased.

  
  

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2015

  Your FMIL is right.  Every guest, including SOs, plus ones, and children, should be addressed by name, not as "And Guest."

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• redoryx member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  Let me understand: on the invitation you only put his name but on the RSVP put 2 seats were reserved for him or whatever? Well, first off, that's not actually how you address invitations. You should have, at the very least, indicated on the envelope that he was provided a guest. 

  
  

  The issue is that she's not a plus one. She's a significant other and should have been invited by name. 

  
  

  So yes, you're wrong. 

  

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• SP29 member

  

  May 2015

  Yes, this woman should be invited by name, as she is a SO, not a "plus one".

  
  

  While all guests should have their SO invited by name, if you *were* to put "and guest", that means he can invite anyone he wants, so he could show up with his mom or sister. 

  
  

  Personally, I feel that writing "and guest" to someone in a relationship shows a lack of care. Maybe that's not how you intended it, but if this woman is going to become a member of the family, it's not really welcoming is it? "Oh, you're some random woman my cousin is dating? Ok cool, I guess you can come too". It comes off that way, even if you don't mean it. 

  
  

  You'll need her name anyway, if you are having any place or escort cards.

  
  

  My dad was dating his GF for several months at the time he was invited to a wedding with her as an "and guest". Even at the reception, his place card said "Guest". He made a joke about it with the other guests at the table, which apparently they didn't find funny (he introduced himself as "guest"), but honestly, I think he made a very good point about how absent mindedly he was invited. 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2015

  You're wrong; your FMIL is right. It is offensive to exclude her on the envelope or to address her as "and guest."  

  
  

  Rewrite the envelope. 

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  May 2015

  redoryx said:

  Let me understand: on the invitation you only put his name but on the RSVP put 2 seats were reserved for him or whatever? Well, first off, that's not actually how you address invitations. You should have, at the very least, indicated on the envelope that he was provided a guest. 

  
  

  The issue is that she's not a plus one. She's a significant other and should have been invited by name. 

  
  

  So yes, you're wrong. 

  If someone is not in a relationship, it is perfectly acceptable to address the envelope to them alone and put a note in the invitation that they are allowed a guest. Which is essentially what she did. 

  
  

  PP are correct, you should rewrite the envelope if you haven't already sent it. Honestly, this isn't entirely your fault, because it's your FI family, not yours. Your MIL shouldn't be having a cow, because she didn't give you the correct information to begin with. Now that you know the correct thing to do, you should try to fix it. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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