My BF is getting out of jail and I might want to bail on him.

mrsconn23 · May 2015

Dear Prudence,
My loving, kind boyfriend of five years has spent the last 10 months in prison. He was off to a great start in his profession when a friend snitched and he got in trouble for possession with intent to distribute an illegal drug (that is legal one state over). He is now getting out of jail in his early 30s with more than $180,000 in student loan debt, a felony conviction, and is losing his professional license. We have stayed together during this ordeal, and luckily my family and friends are very supportive. I love him dearly and can’t wait for him to be home, but as his release date gets closer I am starting to have a return of some of the anxiety symptoms I began having after his arrest. I work full time in a field I am very passionate about and could eventually be employed by the government. I am worried about how his record will affect me in the long term. I also sometimes feel that I am being a real idiot for staying with him due to his poor decisions. However, I am crazy about him, and we have so much fun together all the time. Any advice?

—He’s in the Big House

baconsmom · May 2015

Statists gonna state. Leave him and get a boyfriend who hasn't been fucked by the government you're so eager to work for.

MesmrEwe · May 2015

Yea "it's not you, it's me!"... and don't look back!

Knottie80295771 · May 2015

Fun is nice, but do you want fun at the cost of your future? Do you want kids? A lifestyle that's stable? Does he want to pull himself together and is willing to make those hard changes? No one here can answer those questions for you, but I would really recommend having an open discussion with him about it. Not the kind where you're pacified by, "oh baby it will get better.. I promise it will be different", but the genuine and sincere conversation where you two decide together if you can make it work or not.

sophhabobopha · May 2015

People over 19 who use the term snitch

CMGragain · May 2015

Forget about getting any government security clearance (necessary for many career jobs, both for the government and for private contractors who support the government)! If you even date a convicted felon, your chances are zero.
Are you willing to give up your future? Think very carefully. I know several qualified engineers who are working low paying retail jobs because they screwed up their security clearance.
It is up to you to decide, but once committed to this man, there is no going back on security clearance. Both my husband and my son work in the defense department area.

PS. My DH says that unless you break all ties with him, your chances of security clearance are very poor. I am sorry. We lived in Washington, DC for 33 years.

AuntFlo · May 2015

Mrs.conn - I have lived in Ohio for 38 years and Indiana for 1, and my DH also says that you won't be able to get security clearance.
That being said, if you really love him, you should stick by his side. I mean, there are only 4 men in the world, so what are the chances that the other 3 are any better? I also think you should make plans to get knocked up as soon as he gets home. You don't want to be alone when he gets locked up again.

spglsp · May 2015

AuntFlo said:
Mrs.conn - I have lived in Ohio for 38 years and Indiana for 1, and my DH also says that you won't be able to get security clearance.
That being said, if you really love him, you should stick by his side. I mean, there are only 4 men in the world, so what are the chances that the other 3 are any better? I also think you should make plans to get knocked up as soon as he gets home. You don't want to be alone when he gets locked up again.

I'm embarrassed to say this took me a second. Either way, the point stands. Fun is fun but your future is important and the words "snitched" and "legal one state over" don't paint a picture of someone who is going to be a positive, stable force in your life. If you're a serious, driven person, you're going to want someone who can compliment that side of you and this guy doesn't sound like the type. Good luck

blueeyedkat · May 2015

I read your letter to Dear Prudence, and I'm sure you've read her response. (yeah, I know...stop laughing) So, if this was an actual post onto TK, this is what I'd say:

To be honest, how much fun can you possibly have with a guy who's been in PRISON for almost a year?! This isn't the case of a 21 year old messing up, this man was at least 30 when he willingly decided to commit a felony. His life is his mess. He willingly messed up his life and now has the (very real) potential of sabotaging your future. Does he even care? Did he care then? Are you willing to live your life in poverty with a "fun" man-child who committed felony? After he gets out, what does he plan to do? After 10 months, he better have a plan, none of the "we'll figure it out" blah blah blah crap. Most likely he'll want to rely on your income and you working all the time to support him. Are you willing to do that? And if you are, what will he do at home (because let's be real, he won't find a job) while you're away? Drink? Drugs? Women? Will he do housework? Will he make you dinner every night? Will he do laundry? You'll be too busy working low wage jobs (multiple probably). Does he have bad taxes too? If he does, or if he gets garnished, your joint tax refunds will be taken by the government so you won't get anything for a really really long time.

Also, in addition to the $180k he owes for his student loans, he now will probably owe the state for the time he spent in prison. Lots of states and counties require inmates to pay back the state for their time in prison, per day spent there. Somehow I doubt your druggie bf will be paying that off (let's face it, he probably does drugs too if he was going to sell them).

On that note, have you ever seen Striptease with Demi Moore? You should.

hmonkey · May 2015

hmonkey · May 2015

hmonkey · May 2015

hmonkey · May 2015

VarunaTT · May 2015

Wait, wait, wait.

Do we actually have someone who understands this is a Dear Prudy letter AND thinks Ms.Conn is the writer of said letter?

mrsconn23 · May 2015

It's like Christmas AND my birthday AND I have an extra, unexpected vacation day...ALL IN ONE!

blueeyedkat · May 2015

@VarunaTT, Now I just need to read about putting gifs into the comments and find as many appropriate Drag Race gifs as I can for these forums. Mainly ones where I feel like an idiot. Thanks. Appreciate it.

AuntFlo · May 2015

mrs.conn23 said:
It's like Christmas AND my birthday AND I have an extra, unexpected vacation day...ALL IN ONE!

SERIOUSLY!!! Best Day Ever!

VarunaTT · May 2015

@blueeyedkat, it's actually easy. You just have to copy the url of the gif, come back to the Knot, and then hit the little picture key in the message text box and paste it in there. That's one thing the Knut IT monkeys did very well.

blueeyedkat · May 2015

Cool, thanks. But yeah, my bad for not noticing the "Dear Prudence". I read it (without noticing the Dear Prudence), and was thinking this was way too familiar. So yeah, meh, Monday to blame.

mrsconn23 · May 2015

blueeyedkat said:
Cool, thanks. But yeah, my bad for not noticing the "Dear Prudence". I read it (without noticing the Dear Prudence), and was thinking this was way too familiar. So yeah, meh, Monday to blame.

Ha. I was once banned because of a C+P'd Dear Prudie letter.

blueeyedkat · May 2015

This is how I feel right now:

VarunaTT · May 2015

It's okay Blue...

VarunaTT · May 2015

Also, this is my absolute favorite Detox gif of all time:

blueeyedkat · May 2015

Wow that Detox gif is AMAZING! lol.

baconsmom · May 2015

Aside from everyone not understanding about Prudie, THE DUDE SOLD SOME POT.

Why was he in prison for over a year for POT?! It's legal one state over, which probably means he's in Kansas or Nebraska or Utah. Saying that he's no good, he's terrible, he "decided to commit a felony" - well, yeah, considering most people commit 3 felonies a day. The answer may be for this woman not to date him anymore, but painting him as some sort of hardened criminal FOR MARIJUANA is fucking ridiculous. The answer really is legalization everywhere, isn't it, so that people stop going to prison for nonviolent drug offences. Jesus.

Heffalump · May 2015

baconsmom said:
Aside from everyone not understanding about Prudie, THE DUDE SOLD SOME POT.

Why was he in prison for over a year for POT?! It's legal one state over, which probably means he's in Kansas or Nebraska or Utah. Saying that he's no good, he's terrible, he "decided to commit a felony" - well, yeah, considering most people commit 3 felonies a day. The answer may be for this woman not to date him anymore, but painting him as some sort of hardened criminal FOR MARIJUANA is fucking ridiculous. The answer really is legalization everywhere, isn't it, so that people stop going to prison for nonviolent drug offences. Jesus.

http://rs1301.pbsrc.com/albums/ag115/kgantzer/Heart-beat.gif~c200

mrsconn23 · May 2015

I love everything this thread has turned into.

And y'all have convinced me. Fuck the government. LOVE IS FOREVER! We'll stay together when he's out of the clink.

My BF is getting out of jail and I might want to bail on him.

Re: My BF is getting out of jail and I might want to bail on him.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards