Wedding Etiquette Forum

WWTKD? Guest Break Up

TLDR: I may be over-thinking the etiquette of inviting everyone who gets a STD. A BM was invited with her BF. He was included by name on the STD, but they're breaking up before the wedding. Do I still have to invite him? 


Our wedding is in August. One of my bridesmaids (Mary) has dated a guy (John) on and off for a couple of years. Really, really long story, but the relevant part here is that Mary's moving away for two years for work, and they plan to break up when she leaves at the end of May. Neither of them want a long distance relationship. 

When I sent out STDs they were more on than off, but just based on their history and the fact that I knew that they had talked about potentially breaking up when she leaves, I asked her if she wanted the STD addressed to "Mary Smith and John Doe" or "Mary Smith and Guest." She asked me to address it to "Mary Smith and John Doe." 

They're still technically together I guess, but they've decided together they'll break up when she moves in a couple of weeks. And honestly, knowing their history, I wouldn't be super surprised if between now and the wedding, they got back together and decided to try long-distance.

She has recently told me that she no longer plans to bring him as her date to the wedding, but I'm still planning on giving her a +1. What do I do about him? I'm sure he's seen the STD and knows that he was personally included. We're not close, I've never spent time with John outside of a group setting where Mary was also there. He would never have been invited on his own if he had not been dating Mary. He wouldn't know anyone there except for Mary and a couple of our other friends that are in the bridal party. If he came on his own (not as Mary's date) I wouldn't even know where to seat him - he won't know anyone there that isn't in the BP or a BP date. But I've heard through mutual friends that apparently John has dropped a few random comments here and there implying that he thinks he's still coming to the wedding.

What would you do? I know I'm possibly way over-thinking this. It's just such a weird situation for everyone involved.

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Re: WWTKD? Guest Break Up

  • No. He was invited as half of a social unit that no longer exists. I'd give her the "and guest" since she's technically single and if she feels like bringing him, she's free to. But he doesn't get to come on his own.


    Ok good. This is what I was thinking. I have nothing against the guy, and they're breaking up on decent terms so I'm not worried about drama or awkwardness, but I'm just not really friends with him and neither are any of our guests really. I just thought it was very presumptuous of him to mention to mutual friends that he'll be at the wedding. I just didn't want to not invite him if it would be horribly rude.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you wouldn't normally extend John an invitation and only listed him on Mary's save-the-date as her then SO, then I don't think he needs to be invited as a guest in his own right.  Invite Mary's new SO (if she has one) or a guest for her.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agreed- his name was on her STD, as her SO, so no you are not required to invite him separately.

    Had you sent him his own individual STD, that would be different, but you invited him because he was her SO.


  • kns1988kns1988 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    We had a couple break up that we sent an STD to. The guy was a close friend of H's and we only knew his ex from being around them at social events and such. Guy got an invite with a +1, ex didn't get an invite, and there was no awkwardness. You'll be fine!
  • Honestly, I'm sure ~John~ wouldn't be too keen on going to a social event where the only person he knew well would be his ex, so EVEN if you had the strong desire to invite him, he probably wouldn't go anyway. 

    You don't have to invite him separately - you wouldn't have invited him in the first place if he wasn't dating your friend. 
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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