Feeling a little lost...

Re: Feeling a little lost...

• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2015

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

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• crackktheskyy member

  

  May 2015

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2015

  crackktheskyy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  Even if the place cards are being done by a professional, you can hand write a couple if you get their names the night before the wedding or whatever.  They won't match, but what can you do if you don't have the name?

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• crackktheskyy member

  

  May 2015

  adk19 said:

  crackktheskyy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  Even if the place cards are being done by a professional, you can hand write a couple if you get their names the night before the wedding or whatever.  They won't match, but what can you do if you don't have the name?

  Yeah, I suppose this would be better than not having names at all! I can ask for some extra cards from the vendor. 

  
  

  I'm more concerned about the RD and the guys not having tuxes, but I suppose if our WP members aren't able to tell us if they're bringing someone, we can't do much about that! I figured that with only thirty-something days before the wedding, they would know.

  
  

  Thanks

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  May 2015

  crackktheskyy said:

  adk19 said:

  crackktheskyy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  Even if the place cards are being done by a professional, you can hand write a couple if you get their names the night before the wedding or whatever.  They won't match, but what can you do if you don't have the name?

  Yeah, I suppose this would be better than not having names at all! I can ask for some extra cards from the vendor. 

  
  

  I'm more concerned about the RD and the guys not having tuxes, but I suppose if our WP members aren't able to tell us if they're bringing someone, we can't do much about that! I figured that with only thirty-something days before the wedding, they would know.

  
  

  Thanks

  I think you have to file these (at least the tux situation) away as "not my problem."  Either they have the tuxes or they don't.  If they don't, they'll have to figure out for themselves what to wear.  On the day of, you can either decide that you don't want to have them standing up with you because that was Their Only Job (to get their clothes), or you can let them stand up with you in the wrong clothes.  But not something to worry about at 30 days out.

  
  

  As far as the rehearsal dinner goes.  I think it would be okay to give them a Drop Dead Date as to the absolute latest they have to give you the names for the rehearsal dinner.  If you don't have a name, their date can't come to the rehearsal dinner.  Maybe you tell them your wedding numbers have a bit more leeway, so they can still bring a date to the wedding if you know by a later date, but the RD  is more strict.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  It sounds like you did everything right regarding the tuxes, but even then, some guys just aren't good about getting themselves fitted and making payments for them, just as some women aren't about bridesmaids' dresses. At this point there really isn't anything more you can do but hope they show up at your wedding on time, sober, in good spirits, appropriately dressed. If they don't, it means they've taken themselves out of the wedding party-which reflects on them, not on you.
  
  If you need a head count for your rehearsal dinner, you can give a final deadline and say that no additional guests for anyone can be accommodated after that deadline passes.

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• crackktheskyy member

  

  May 2015

  adk19 said:

  crackktheskyy said:

  adk19 said:

  crackktheskyy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  Even if the place cards are being done by a professional, you can hand write a couple if you get their names the night before the wedding or whatever.  They won't match, but what can you do if you don't have the name?

  Yeah, I suppose this would be better than not having names at all! I can ask for some extra cards from the vendor. 

  
  

  I'm more concerned about the RD and the guys not having tuxes, but I suppose if our WP members aren't able to tell us if they're bringing someone, we can't do much about that! I figured that with only thirty-something days before the wedding, they would know.

  
  

  Thanks

  I think you have to file these (at least the tux situation) away as "not my problem."  Either they have the tuxes or they don't.  If they don't, they'll have to figure out for themselves what to wear.  On the day of, you can either decide that you don't want to have them standing up with you because that was Their Only Job (to get their clothes), or you can let them stand up with you in the wrong clothes.  But not something to worry about at 30 days out.

  
  

  As far as the rehearsal dinner goes.  I think it would be okay to give them a Drop Dead Date as to the absolute latest they have to give you the names for the rehearsal dinner.  If you don't have a name, their date can't come to the rehearsal dinner.  Maybe you tell them your wedding numbers have a bit more leeway, so they can still bring a date to the wedding if you know by a later date, but the RD  is more strict.

  Jen4948 said:

  It sounds like you did everything right regarding the tuxes, but even then, some guys just aren't good about getting themselves fitted and making payments for them, just as some women aren't about bridesmaids' dresses. At this point there really isn't anything more you can do but hope they show up at your wedding on time, sober, in good spirits, appropriately dressed. If they don't, it means they've taken themselves out of the wedding party-which reflects on them, not on you.
  
  If you need a head count for your rehearsal dinner, you can give a final deadline and say that no additional guests for anyone can be accommodated after that deadline passes.

  
  

  Thanks everyone! This is good advice and I am just trying to make sure that we are being as gracious as possible. We obviously don't want anyone to get upset and we don't want to be rude to anyone.

  
  

  We will take this advice to just let it go with the tuxes and give a deadline for the RD!

  

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• novella1186 member

  

  May 2015 edited May 2015

  crackktheskyy said:

  crackktheskyy said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  For the tuxes, have your FI actually call the guys. It's easy to be non-responsive or vague with a text. If he calls them, it's easier to figure out what the deal is, whether its money, time, laziness, or something else. What is the absolute deadline for them to get sized? 

  
  

  For dates, give each person a deadline (the same as the RSVP date) to get you the name of their date. Check with the FILs about when they need hard numbers for the RD, but it would typically be later than your hard numbers for the wedding. If guests can't give you a name by then, say "I'm sorry, but I have to get final numbers to our caterer by tomorrow, if you haven't decided on a guest yet, we won't be able to accommodate him/her." If you start place cards and seating charts before your RSVP deadline, leave blanks for those that haven't responded yet. 

  Thanks for the feedback.This is going to sound crazy but one of the guys frequently does not have a phone! They ordinarily communicate via Facebook or FI sometimes tries to text him to see if he's picked up another phone. I think he switches from go phone to go phone? Who knows. He travels the world often, and so I think he leaves stuff at home. FI can definitely call the other two guys, though. 

  
  

  I'm pretty sure the end of next week or mid-following week is the latest the tux store can do. They said it's a fairly available tux but only up to a certain point.

  
  

  FIL's need numbers by the 26th of this month, which we've told everyone. Numbers for the wedding aren't due in until the 10th of June.

  
  

  Place cards are being done by a professional, so they have deadlines too! I'll find out more during my appointment next week.

  
  

  Thanks for all of your help!

  Even if the place cards are being done by a professional, you can hand write a couple if you get their names the night before the wedding or whatever.  They won't match, but what can you do if you don't have the name?

  Yeah, I suppose this would be better than not having names at all! I can ask for some extra cards from the vendor. 

  
  

  I'm more concerned about the RD and the guys not having tuxes, but I suppose if our WP members aren't able to tell us if they're bringing someone, we can't do much about that! I figured that with only thirty-something days before the wedding, they would know.

  
  

  Thanks

  -----------how do i keep losing boxes??-----------------------------------

  
  
  FWIW, we let our WP pick their own stuff within some parameters; the guys had to have a gray suit (any gray suit, rented or bought, whatever) and the girls had to have a floor-length dress is some shade of pink. Three of the GMs procrastinated and never got back to H on whether or not they found a suit, but he just let it go since it wasn't his job to babysit/nag them, ya know? 2 of my BMs didn't have a dress yet, and again, I just let it go. 

  
  

  I figured if the BMs showed up the wedding day and STILL didn't have a dress, I would just let them walk down the aisle in whatever the hell clothes they had. And if any GMs showed up without a gray suit, it would be up to H whether or not he cared more about having everyone match or having everyone up there with him in whatever the hell clothes they had. 

  
  

  I'm glad we didn't worry about it, because everyone showed up with the right attire. They all picked awesome things and they all looked great. Some people just prefer to do things more last minute, but they still get it done. So no worries! They'll have the attire or they won't. So they can stand up there with you in the wrong attire, or they can sit with the guests. 

  
  

  I agree with giving the deadline for the RD. Just be honest. They may not even realize how important it is for you to turn in the final numbers. They may think of it as "well it's just one person. If they decide to come/not come at the last minute, no big deal." Give the deadline and then let that one go too. 

  

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• Bubblegum5586 member

  

  May 2015

  Sounds like you are doing everything right. In H's family all the guys get together for an afternoon of golf and get fitted in the morning. It has become kind of tradition and a great way to ensure everyone is fitted.

  
  

  All you can to is give them the deadlines for everything. If they don't do their part of informing you then they don't get to bring a guest.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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