Dear Amy:
Almost two years ago, I fell hard for a man who at the time was my professor (he's seven years older than I). I managed to stuff down my feelings and carry on to have a mutually beneficial professional relationship with him.
A number of months after graduating, I had the opportunity to visit with him. After staying up late, talking and drinking, I found myself spilling what had been a long and well-kept secret. I explained that I understood his position in life, and that I knew he had a wonderful partner, and that I expected no action in return on his part. I thought confessing was the right thing to do.
I was shocked when he said that the feeling was mutual. What followed was a stunned conversation about how impossible and sad this situation was. We live in different cities, and he has a partner. I started stress-drinking and he advanced for a kiss, and I didn't have the presence of mind (or desire) to refuse.
A twist of fate has occurred, whereby I have since begun to have a friendship with his partner. She and I will move to the same city in the fall for a school program. She has even proposed that we share housing. My instinct would be to avoid closeness with her, but she's an amazing person and I can imagine becoming a close friend.
Now my moral compass is spinning. Do the kiss and other brief signs of affection constitute some sort of pre-friendship betrayal? Or can I move forward without guilt and become roommates with her because I've done what I can to behave with integrity? Do I owe her a conversation, or would that do more harm than good? — Your Admiring Reader