Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you notes for two showers

luckya23luckya23 member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
edited May 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My family invited FI's mother and grandmother (and an aunt of his also came) to the shower they gave me two weeks ago, and next week FI's same grandmother is giving me a shower which FI's mother, the same aunt, my mother and my aunt will all attend again.  (Yes, I know you're not supposed to have overlap, but here we are.  Apparently the families think it's fine if you're close enough relatives.)

Is it OK to wait until after that one to make sure to include any additional gifts they may give in the note?

His family's gifts at this shower I would consider average, not small tokens. 

ETA: What about combining thank you notes if they will not be attending the wedding, but have already sent a gift?


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Re: Thank you notes for two showers

  • It takes like 90 seconds to write a thank you note.  Write them immediately.  Separate ones for each gift/occasion.  This isn't so much work that you should feel compelled to combine them.

    Besides, what if they don't get you any additional gifts?  Waiting to send them makes you look entitled (like you know they will/should be getting you another gift later anyway) and too lazy to be properly gracious for what you have received now.  Send one now (and send one later if you're lucky enough to receive another gift later).

    huskypuppy14luckya23JerseyBeachGal22
  • Send a TY note now.
    luckya23
  • edited May 2015
    What @LondonLisa said. All of it.
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    luckya23
  • OK thanks!

    I feel weird using the same cards twice, but I guess maybe I can just try to use different ones next time.

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    luckya23 said:

    OK thanks!

    I feel weird using the same cards twice, but I guess maybe I can just try to use different ones next time.


    No one will care if you use the same thank you card. I definitely overlapped thank you cards for my sisters and BM who I sent 3 thank yous (shower, bridesmaid Ty , and wedding). It's better to properly thank someone promptly. I also agree they might not get you another gift. You can be invited to multiple showers but you only need to get one gift. Many times the mothers and bridesmaids are invited to all showers but that doesn't mean they have to give a present for each one.
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    luckya23KeptInStitchesSP29novella1186
  • luckya23 said:

    OK thanks!

    I feel weird using the same cards twice, but I guess maybe I can just try to use different ones next time.


    No one will care if you use the same thank you card. I definitely overlapped thank you cards for my sisters and BM who I sent 3 thank yous (shower, bridesmaid Ty , and wedding). It's better to properly thank someone promptly. I also agree they might not get you another gift. You can be invited to multiple showers but you only need to get one gift. Many times the mothers and bridesmaids are invited to all showers but that doesn't mean they have to give a present for each one.


    I think either way I will have to thank FI's mother and grandmother for giving the shower, right? I know his grandmother is making us a quilt and I think the plan was to give it at her shower, but maybe she will wait for the wedding.

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes of course you must thank any hosts even if they don't give a gift.
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    luckya23KeptInStitchesnovella1186
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    I can't even tell you what the last thank you cards I received even looked like.  No one cares what they look like or that they are the same (heck, some people have personalized stationery and all their correspondence looks exactly the same).  People only care that their gift was received and that they are thanked promptly.

    If you're that self-conscious about it, grab a pack of any blank pretty notecards you like the next time you're at Target or similar.

    And yes, you always thank your hosts.  They spent time and money to throw you a party, regardless of whether they got you an additional gift on top of that.
    KeptInStitches[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    luckya23 said:

    OK thanks!

    I feel weird using the same cards twice, but I guess maybe I can just try to use different ones next time.

    It's the note that matters, not the card.  But yeah, you do need to send separate thank-you notes for different events, and you need to thank the hosts.  A hosting gift, like a bottle of wine or a gift card to a restaurant they like, would be appropriate.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Separate thank you cards for any gift given, regardless if it is shower one, two or the wedding. 
  • luckya23 said:

    OK thanks!

    I feel weird using the same cards twice, but I guess maybe I can just try to use different ones next time.

    I had a few overlapping guests between two showers (my mother, FI's mom and my aunt). I needed to buy more TY notes anyway, so I just made sure to write the notes for the second shower on different stationary. Plus, if I had used the same cards, I don't think any of them would have cared.
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