Wedding Etiquette Forum

UPDATE: Yes, You Will Be Side-Eyed...

ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
edited May 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my mother received a bridal shower invite during the week for her cousin's future DIL and when I went to visit she showed it to me.  Here I was thinking she was just going to need my help purchasing something off of the registry online (my parents aren't savvy when it comes to online shopping).

Instead, she went on to say how they were registered at blueprintregistry and she couldn't believe the items on there.  They were registered for airfare tickets and items for their honeymoon.  The kicker (according to my mom) was that she was registered for her veil.

My mom called her cousin and asked what this was and her cousin went on a tirade apparently about how she didn't even agree with their registry.  

My dad then entered the conversation and said he had never been so appalled by something in his entire life.  They both agreed that they would be giving either a physical gift or money at the shower.

Now my parents are very laid back and easy going people who hardly complain about what others do, they just go with the flow, and if by chance they don't agree with someone else's ideas, they don't usually make a big fuss.  

For my parents to make a big fuss about this, says a lot.

Just remember, when you think your family won't say anything about these types of registries, they may not say it to your face, but they will complain about it.



ETA:  It's worse than I thought.  Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding:  dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations.
Anniversary



Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
landa10315lyndausvi[Deleted User]SP29speakeasy14sassercake12

Re: UPDATE: Yes, You Will Be Side-Eyed...

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    HF are bad enough, but I think so people think it's nice they can give a dinner or dolphin experience.  Little do they know it's just cash, but since they are never the wiser they actually think it's cool.    

    This is from experience.  I bought a helicopter ride for a couple, only to find out later it was a scam.  They had no intentions of doing the helicopter ride, just wanted the cash.   To add insult to injury we spent a little more for the helicopter ride then we would do otherwise because we felt the gift was so cool.  NEVER AGAIN will I do a HF,  NEVER.  

    When you start putting in airfare and hotel rooms.   People really start to go WTF?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Heffalumpindianaalum
  • I am always amazed at what people do!

    I am further amazed that people think others will not snark behind their backs.

    I wish I had a dime for every time on this site someone said "Well nobody has said anything to me." or "My friends/family/wedding party/guests do not mind."

    Oh honey, like someone is going to look you in the eye and tell you that what you are doing is rude. How would that conversation play out?

    SS Bride: "I am doing a honeymoon registry and a cash bar, things are just so expensive! People will understand."

    Guest/Friend: "Those are both really rude, asking for money and charging people when you invite them somewhere is not right. I did not charge you for the wine you drank when I invited you over for dinner last weekend."

    SS Bride: "That is different. How dare you question me! You just do not understand since you are *insert insult here*."

    Bride does what she wants despite the advice and probably does not invite the guest/friend.

    Yeah, that turned out well. And frankly I think even if 20% of their guest list told them this was rude they would do it anyway. People like this only care about themselves and I expect most of their friends will not be surprised at their rudeness.
  • I can't get over the fact she registered for her veil... 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    HF are bad enough, but I think so people think it's nice they can give a dinner or dolphin experience.  Little do they know it's just cash, but since they are never the wiser they actually think it's cool.    

    This is from experience.  I bought a helicopter ride for a couple, only to find out later it was a scam.  They had no intentions of doing the helicopter ride, just wanted the cash.   To add insult to injury we spent a little more for the helicopter ride then we would do otherwise because we felt the gift was so cool.  NEVER AGAIN will I do a HF,  NEVER.  

    When you start putting in airfare and hotel rooms.   People really start to go WTF?
    I hate HFs.  Period.  But I can see why some people are okay with "buying" a dinner or an excursion because it is just a fun add on for the couple.  But when the couple registers for lodging and travel is where my hatred of HFs erupts.  No I do not want to pay for your fucking vacation when I myself can't even afford to go on one!

    lyndausvi[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Blergh!!! I'm invited to two very good friends' weddings this summer, and one of them has a pretty pricey registry AND ON TOP OF IT also has a honeymoon fund. Like, "thanks for the 400 dollar mixer, and also can you buy us 300 dollars worth of couples massages?" UHM.

    My other friends put on theirs that they already have everything they need, so please just bring cash gifts. JUST BRING CASH GIFTS!! 

    Obviously I won't say a word to either couple, but I've talked a lot of shit about it to my fiance. Maybe it's because I'm eyes deep in wedding planning, but I cannot even deal with this fuckery.
    This is when an empty card or a ugly ass vase should be given.

    christinemireille[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    ETA:  It's worse than I thought.  Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding:  dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations.
    image

    lyndausviAuroraRose41speakeasy14mollybarker11
  • edited May 2015

    ETA:  It's worse than I thought.  Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding:  dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations.

    ______________________________________________________________

    image


    ETA--stuck in boxes!!!

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You know, I commented on the other board but want to add this. Sometimes DH and I give checks in cards and sometimes we order a registry gift. It varies. Well, my recently-married BFF had a big shower for upgradables but I also knew she was concerned about honeymoon costs. They're totally financially comfortable, but partly because they're naturally very frugal. Her husband wanted to book them a luxury honeymoon and she was uncomfortable with how much he was thinking of spending. So hell, I gave them a check in the card, and wrote "for your honeymoon!!" in the memo section of the check. How hard is that?  And yet, the money all goes into their bank account where you can't tell one person's $200 from another's anyway. 
    Cash is king.   

    ________________________________


    indianaalumSP29
  • ohmrs2014 said:
    So my mother received a bridal shower invite during the week for her cousin's future DIL and when I went to visit she showed it to me.  Here I was thinking she was just going to need my help purchasing something off of the registry online (my parents aren't savvy when it comes to online shopping).

    Instead, she went on to say how they were registered at blueprintregistry and she couldn't believe the items on there.  They were registered for airfare tickets and items for their honeymoon.  The kicker (according to my mom) was that she was registered for her veil.

    My mom called her cousin and asked what this was and her cousin went on a tirade apparently about how she didn't even agree with their registry.  

    My dad then entered the conversation and said he had never been so appalled by something in his entire life.  They both agreed that they would be giving either a physical gift or money at the shower.

    Now my parents are very laid back and easy going people who hardly complain about what others do, they just go with the flow, and if by chance they don't agree with someone else's ideas, they don't usually make a big fuss.  

    For my parents to make a big fuss about this, says a lot.

    Just remember, when you think your family won't say anything about these types of registries, they may not say it to your face, but they will complain about it.



    ETA:  It's worse than I thought.  Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding:  dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations.
    But what happens if no one buys any of that stuff? Do they just not have a cake or photographer or decorations? Will she just show up naked if no one buys her dress?

    I am wondering the same thing! This is absolute insanity.
  • Ugh. I just received an invite to a "lawn and garden" shower - no registry information or anything on the invite, and their website isn't much of anything yet - saw a comment on facebook later that she just wants gift cards. OPs "registry" is far grosser, though. 
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    ETA:  It's worse than I thought.  Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding:  dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations.

    ********stuck in the box*******

    I believe the wedding industry has officially hit rock bottom. I hope no one pays for the catering and everyone just leaves the reception after 20 minutes to go to McDonald's.
    image
  • bluebell42bluebell42 member
    Third Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    ETA: It's worse than I thought. Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding: dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations. --------------WHY WONT THIS BOX WORK------------------------- Well if it makes you feel better (or worse?) I have friends whose cash registry includes a section for the honeymoon, a section for their house, a section to help pay for the cost of the wedding, and a section to help them pay off their student loans. [edited to try to fix quoted part]
  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited May 2015
    ETA: It's worse than I thought. Aside from normal, expensive registry items, I took a peak myself and they are registered for furniture, excursions for their honeymoon, gym memberships, dance lessons, house down payment, upgrading their house, and basically asking for guests to pay for their wedding: dress, veil, photographer, cake, catering, and decorations. --------------WHY WONT THIS BOX WORK------------------------- Well if it makes you feel better (or worse?) I have friends whose cash registry includes a section for the honeymoon, a section for their house, a section to help pay for the cost of the wedding, and a section to help them pay off their student loans. [edited to try to fix quoted part]
    This makes me stabby.  You're getting married so you deserve to have the debt that you knowingly incurred to receive an education paid off by all of your loved ones?  How have/will the rest of us EVER be able to pay off our loans if we don't set up a registry so other people can do it for us?  Full disclosure, FI and I started with a combined ~60K in student debt when we started dating 6 years ago, and are down to about 35K now after making shit money the first few years... because we are adults and that's what adults do.  Work their asses off to pay for their own debts.


    "So how do you ask for a Tuition.io student loan gift in lieu of the usual? Simple. The little card that all couples include with the invitation that says where they’re registered can be replaced with one that says something."

    "Your guests will likely appreciate the simplicity of buying the gift online. They won’t have to haul their cookies to Target or Pottery Barn, print out your 14 page registry and then look to see what’s left. And if they forgot to get a gift or are procrastinators in general, they can even buy and send you a student loan assistance gift from their smart phone while sipping champagne at your reception."  .....LOL

    edited because spelling.


    SP29speakeasy14
  • BouxRadleyBouxRadley DFW member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The little card that all couples include with the invitation that says where they’re registered
    I'm gonna be Capt. Obvious here and point out that ETIQUETTE SAYS THAT SHOULDN'T EXIST. 
  • Oh dear lord people are registering for student loan payments now?!?! Oyyyyeeeeeeee. Lets all be grownups here. 
  • I guess people just do what they want anymore! 

    Jeez I tend to side-eye when the B&G are a couple of grown-ass people with an established household and somehow come up with a 15-page registry (I've seen this more times than I care to admit) let ALONE when someone specifies "cash gifts" or wants me to buy them a penguin encounter or whatever.

    People want to get you gifts for your wedding and yes it is fun to get them, but this is a BONUS not an entitlement. What is so hard about understanding that you don't get to dictate the terms of other's generosity?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    XrebeccaX said:
    I guess people just do what they want anymore! 

    Jeez I tend to side-eye when the B&G are a couple of grown-ass people with an established household and somehow come up with a 15-page registry (I've seen this more times than I care to admit) let ALONE when someone specifies "cash gifts" or wants me to buy them a penguin encounter or whatever.

    People want to get you gifts for your wedding and yes it is fun to get them, but this is a BONUS not an entitlement. What is so hard about understanding that you don't get to dictate the terms of other's generosity?
    I have an established home and H and I are both in our early 30's.  If we were getting married today I could easily make a 15 page registry.  Because there are numerous things I want to upgrade or get new.  Just because you have an established household doesn't mean that you still don't want or need things.

    ohmrs2014KeptInStitchessimcal18




  • XrebeccaX said:
    I guess people just do what they want anymore! 

    Jeez I tend to side-eye when the B&G are a couple of grown-ass people with an established household and somehow come up with a 15-page registry (I've seen this more times than I care to admit) let ALONE when someone specifies "cash gifts" or wants me to buy them a penguin encounter or whatever.

    People want to get you gifts for your wedding and yes it is fun to get them, but this is a BONUS not an entitlement. What is so hard about understanding that you don't get to dictate the terms of other's generosity?
    I have an established home and H and I are both in our early 30's.  If we were getting married today I could easily make a 15 page registry.  Because there are numerous things I want to upgrade or get new.  Just because you have an established household doesn't mean that you still don't want or need things.
    Of course it doesn't. I think my views/opinions/whatever on registries are not in line with most people's. Different strokes. :)
  • mrsdee15 said:
    syoun1nj said:
    Ugh. I just received an invite to a "lawn and garden" shower - no registry information or anything on the invite, and their website isn't much of anything yet - saw a comment on facebook later that she just wants gift cards. OPs "registry" is far grosser, though. 
    BOXBOXPREEMPTIVEBOX

    They'd be getting a garden gnome for sure.
    image

    ETF photo

    I would love that for a wedding gift.
  • edited June 2015
    XrebeccaX said:
    I guess people just do what they want anymore! 

    Jeez I tend to side-eye when the B&G are a couple of grown-ass people with an established household and somehow come up with a 15-page registry (I've seen this more times than I care to admit) let ALONE when someone specifies "cash gifts" or wants me to buy them a penguin encounter or whatever.

    People want to get you gifts for your wedding and yes it is fun to get them, but this is a BONUS not an entitlement. What is so hard about understanding that you don't get to dictate the terms of other's generosity?
    I have an established home and H and I are both in our early 30's.  If we were getting married today I could easily make a 15 page registry.  Because there are numerous things I want to upgrade or get new.  Just because you have an established household doesn't mean that you still don't want or need things.
    This is true for us too.  We are both in our 30's and have lived together for about three years.  When we moved in together, I bought whatever I could afford/find on sale and most my my dishes and glasses were cheap (aka-break easily) or mismatched.  It's not a matter of not being a self-sufficient adult, it's a matter of living within my means.    We both make a decent income, but we have student loans and everyday expenses. I just couldn't go out an spend hundreds of dollars on all matching housewares. So, that meant having to make due with buying housewares on sale at TJMaxx or Homegoods.  My registry was pretty long, but I was just so thrilled at the idea of having matching sets.  I registered for a 10-person everyday dish set, new everyday flatware, matching serving bowls/platters.   It's nice to know that all my new stuff matches and I don't have to be embarrassed when friends come over and they're drinking out of a Christmas themed wine glass (my plain ones from TJMaxx all broke) in the middle of June.  

    I do agree with looking at a registry as a bonus.  It doesn't matter if you're 25 or 35; gifts  are always an extra and should be accepted graciously.   Plus, don't forget registries have a completion discount.  A bunch of stuff on my registry wasn't purchased, but I'm going to go ahead and buy them to complete the sets. 
    DarthV8rfrenchiekin
  • Thanks to this thread I just deleted 100 things off my registry............just kidding...KINDA.

    But seriously. I think no matter what you put on your registry you're going to offend someone. I think if you really 'know' the person you'll look at their registry and maybe have a thought or two but if you don't know them its a lot easier to just judge away.

    One thing that I've kept in mind lately is that few places give you 10-20% off an item if no one has bought it for you after the event. So I actually put stuff on there JUST to get the coupon for it after the event (as normally places like Restoration Hardware or Pottery Barn don't typically give out coupons??---or do they?!)), TOTALLY not intending anyone to buy it. But after reading this I am just going to take all of those things off.

    We've registered at Target, Pottery Barn, and REI. I think that it gives everyone the chance to find a cool gift (if they feel so inclined to do so). I don't think when people make registries they are thinking about how everyone feels bc there are a lot of different people coming to the wedding with a lot of different financial situations so I feel like as long as you have a really good 'MIX' and 'range' of prices everyone should be happy.

    I recently read something about putting board games on there. (YAY!) We love to have people over for game night and I think that's a super fun one!

    I dunno, just my thoughts. Blah blah blah lol


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards