Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Moms and Maids
Moms and Maids
New Discussion
Options

Mother in laws

themillers2015themillers2015 member
in Moms and Maids
I got question to ask, its kind of personal so no negative thoughts. My fiance's mom and I have never gotten along. But we are getting married on August 22nd of this year, and we are expecting our first child together in November. I really want to reach out to her because I want to be close to her and have her be close to her grandchild. Since my mom lives in California and my dad has passed away, and my only brother wants nothing to do with me. I want to be close to his mom.
So my question is what could I do to reach out to his mom on our special day, or even before our day. Any thoughts on what I can do for her?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Mother in laws

  • Options
    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'd ask your FI to ask his mother this question. But you might not like her answer. Be prepared for that.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It never hurts to make the effort to connect with someone.  My MIL was extremely difficult.  After I gave her the first grandchild, her attitude changed a lot.  She adored my daughter.
    Be patient and tred carefully.  Time changes a lot of things.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    Good advic so far.

    I encourage you to keep in mind that just because you want to be close doesn't mean she does.  Is your FI the first of her children to get married, the only son, the only child, the youngest?  Sometimes those things make mothers bat shit crazy if they didn't have  healthy relationship with their son to start with.

    How long have you been together?  Has your FI ever weighed in why his mom might not be crazy about you?  Some things can be fixed and some cannot.  I have a bat shit crazy sister that can't be fixed.  There is a reason we live several hundred miles apart.  Keep your expectations reasonable.

    I agree that you should make sure you are taking the wedding out of this and making it about the long term relationship.  Good luck!

    Report Reply
  • Options
    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You say you don't really have family, therefore you want this relationship with someone with whim you don't get along very well. I don't know that that's a very organic start to a relationship. Take things slowly and keep in mind that it may not be meant to be...

    I agree with @lnixon8. Don't make anything about the wedding. Otherwise whatever bond you have will revolve around that and you risk losing it when the wedding is over.

    Pretend you aren't getting married and want to get close. How would you do that? You'd probably call her to do things every now and then. And you'd probably send her texts/pictures like you might send your friends. Start there and dont over do it or it'll come off as insincere. See if she's receptive. Don't expect immediate results if y'all haven't gotten alone in the past.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    themillers2015 said:
    I got question to ask, its kind of personal so no negative thoughts. My fiance's mom and I have never gotten along. But we are getting married on August 22nd of this year, and we are expecting our first child together in November. I really want to reach out to her because I want to be close to her and have her be close to her grandchild. Since my mom lives in California and my dad has passed away, and my only brother wants nothing to do with me. I want to be close to his mom.
    So my question is what could I do to reach out to his mom on our special day, or even before our day. Any thoughts on what I can do for her?
    Why don't you get along? Why do you want to forge a relationship with her? If it's to make up for not having family, I'd say leave it alone. 

    I agree with PPs who suggest using your FI as a middleman as well as not making everything about the wedding if she agrees to get together with you.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards