I haven't posted in here before but have been reading a lot and can't seem to find any post with 'specifically' what I'm going through? I also noted from reading that ya'll are pretty straight forward so I hope that I can relay that I'm just seeking a little advice / I don't really know what to do /maybe I just need to get this off my chest?
My awesome best friend aka my FI and I have been together now coming up on 3 years. Since the day we both met each other it was love at first sight. He is my absolute best friend in the entire world and I am his. It sounds cliché but its true. We got lucky.
When we both met we both were not a super fan of 'weddings'. We always kind of joked that we would just throw a backyard bbq for our wedding. We just had a negative image in both of our minds that that weddings aren't about 'love' anymore they are just a spectacle and filled with drama.
Last December he proposed to me and it was the most awesome thing EVER.
We decided to take a month to just enjoy the moment but then it quickly became the interrogation of "SO WHEN IS THE WEDDING??" Suddenly all the fun of being engaged went away and everything seemed to come with some sort of obligation to everyone else.
It was no longer just a special thing between my fiancé and I, it was about everyone and their opinions, feelings and wants. Somehow our 'backyard bbq non-traditional party/thing' morphed itself into this super traditional blah wedding Since we've been engaged lierally nothing has gone the way that we've wanted it to.
The whole point of not having a 'traditional wedding' was we didn't want to deal with any drama. We just wanted to have a great big party. Since planning EVERYTHING has been drama and 'oh you're doing that' or 'oh you're not inviting that person' or 'oh well I just assumed 'xyz' here.... That its just not even fun anymore for my fiancé and I.
I should mention that we own our own home and are paying for the entire wedding. We have not received money from anyone for the 'wedding' nor do I expect to. We agreed that we aren't doing a traditional wedding party bc we don't want people to be put out, we literally just want everyone to come and have a great time at our party.
However, everyone (mainly his sister) has been scoffing at everything we do at every turn that we are feeling constantly obligated to make changes to our plans from pressure from his family. They are all very traditional and every time I make any comments about how we want to do a bbq or I don't want a 'white dress' they are like 'well then its not a wedding' or 'why don't we all just go to the park then' or something or other to the effect of 'then I'm not going to take your wedding seriously'....comment.
There has been so much drama lately that my fiancé and I have really seriously thought about just calling it all off and eloping. It somehow has become about EVERYONE ELSE and not at all about us. That it just makes my fiancé and I sad.
This is just exactly what we didn't want.
We can't help but feel that the majority of the stress is mainly from his sister. My FSIL and I have NEVER gotten along. Since the day I met her she has made a point to tell her brother every little thing that I do and make it well known to everyone how she feels about me.
My fiancé and I both feel that a lot of the 'changes' we've made to our wedding is to accommodate HER feelings. Which in a 'non drama world' I don't mind making accommodations for people if they ask for it and are thankful and appreciate it.
However she just makes a big enough drama deal out of things that its just easier to be like 'fine whatever you want' to pacify her so that you can get on with your life. She takes all the joy out of everything bc everything must be her way or else. She has always been this way and my fiancés family has just learned its easier to pacify her. I hate this to no end and now that it is our wedding things still some how get turned around to being all about her. My fiancé and I have tried to state how we feel but it just gets brushed off by his family.
I'm not sure if this is all just normal family bs that every bride goes through and if we just keep going it will all be worth it? Or should we just bail and say screw this and elope?
I feel like if she didn't cause all this drama or if things were more like originally what we wanted then we would enjoy this more but now we are 4 months out from the wedding and its just not even fun anymore. I have resorted to not telling his family anything about the wedding bc its just easier to not have to deal with their comments or scoffs.
I also don't want to forgo the whole thing just because of one person(s) is making life miserable for us but I also want for this be about my fiancé and I. I know that I really should focus on all the great people that love us and want us to have what we want for a wedding but it seems so hard to not stress and focus on that when one person is making everything so awful.
I would really have no problem with eloping (and I know that he wouldn't either) however I do want my family to be there and would be sad if they couldn't be, and it wouldn't be fair to have only my family be present.
I guess I'm just rambling but I feel really stressed out and not sure if any brides went through something similar to this and what did you do?
My fiancé and I are just really bummed out and I just wish we could put everything on pause however the date is kind of set.
-Kinda at a loss
