Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Help finding a catholic priest!

Hi Everyone,

My Fiance and I are having an outdoor ceremony at our venue.  Both of us are Catholic, and would really like to have a Catholic Priest do our ceremony.  The priest we were originally working with said he could no longer do the ceremony because the bishop did not approve of having it outside of a church.  Does anyone know of a priest that can do an outdoor ceremony? I would really appreciate any help! Our ceremony is Hiram, Ohio. Thanks :)

Re: Help finding a catholic priest!

  • Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.




    Unfortunately, the Church doesn't see it that way.  They see good Catholics as people who not only take their faith seriously and raise their children Catholic, but who abide by their rules in all other respects as well-like not marrying outside of a consecrated Catholic church, or by a priest who deviates from their rules in administering sacraments.

    It would perhaps be nice if the Church were not so rigid about their rules and rituals, but they are going to uphold their rules, and they aren't going to make exceptions for one person who claims to "take her faith very seriously and plans on raising her child Catholic."  They will make you walk the talk to prove your claims.

    STARMOON44[Deleted User]
  • Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.


    Where are you attending weekend mass now? You should find a parish community and have your wedding there. You may not feel like you have a connection with the community right now, but stay with it, become involved, and that will soon change.
    flantastic
  • If you want to have a Catholic ceremony, you have to do it the Catholic way.  No compromises.
    The Catholic ceremony is a sacrament that can only be performed on sacred ground - that means in a Catholic church.
    How did you not know this?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015

    Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.

    That's good - my questions were genuine questions because the planning strategy didn't make sense to me, not assuming you don't practice.

    But Jen is right - the Church expects that if you take your faith seriously, you would also hopefully take seriously the faith-based reasons behind the rule and want to get married in a church and with that community. Sticking with one parish community like GeeBee suggested is a good way to begin.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.


    Apparently not if you do not want to take the sacrament.  Which has to be done in a church.  


    IME, the only Catholics who have rare opportunity to have an outside wedding are those who have strong connections to the bishop or monsignors.  


    FWIW - I was raised Catholic, but no practicing.  I had a wedding outside knowing fully well it would not be recognized by the church.  I'm not practicing, so NBD to me. 

     If you are serious about your faith hen you will follow their rules.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If marrying in your faith was your priority, I would have thought going to your parish priest would be your FIRST step. It sounds as if selecting your venue was your priority. It also sounds as if you have already made a commitment to your reception venue.

    There is no way you will find a legitimate Catholic priest who will perform the SACRAMENT of marriage outdoors merely because you prefer, and prioritized, a pretty venue over the Sacrament of Marriage. You do have time to join a parish and arrange to have a ceremony in the church. However, be prepared to have limited times at which the ceremony will be performed. Be prepared for it NOT to jive with what I assume is your evening reception. Be prepared, then, to find a way to HOST your guests in what will inevitably be a gap between your ceremony and reception.
    OliveOilsMomSTARMOON44[Deleted User]
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    If you want to have your ceremony at your venue it won't be officiated by a Catholic priest in good standing. Your option is to get married in the Catholic church or talk to your new parish priest about recieviving dispensation for a convalidation after your secular marriage ceremony. This will make your marriage valid in the church and allow you to still receive the sacraments. GL :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.



    There is one other potential option.  You said you were "working with" a priest.  Is he from your former parish?  Is he a priest in good standing with the diocese?  Perhaps you could find a nearby parish that would allow him to celebrate your nuptials as a visiting priest, or allow him to concelebrate it with the parish priest.
    southernbelle0915
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:

    Well, first of all, my fiancé and I do in fact go to church. The reason I am not too keen on getting married at the church by us, is that my church that I had been going to for years, was closed recently. I am not that close with any other churches.

    I take my faith very seriously, and we plan on raising our children Catholic. I also feel like I don't need to get married in the church to prove that I am Catholic. I know I am Catholic regardless of a building.



    There is one other potential option.  You said you were "working with" a priest.  Is he from your former parish?  Is he a priest in good standing with the diocese?  Perhaps you could find a nearby parish that would allow him to celebrate your nuptials as a visiting priest, or allow him to concelebrate it with the parish priest.
    True. If you get married at a particular church, it doesn't mean your priest has to be pastor of that particular parish. If there's a priest you know, that can still make it more meaningful even if you're not attached to the parish particularly (yet). We had a priest we knew from college marry us, in the parish where I grew up, and did our marriage prep with a priest where we currently live.
  • Previous posters have great replies. I'm sorry about your church closing - that's a hard transition to make. Our church switched buildings and the new location is very small, so my FH and I are also having our wedding at a church that's not actually our parish. However, our pastor will still be the celebrant. I would encourage you to become involved in your new parish and have your wedding there, and then have your reception wherever you want.

     

    It's not about proving to anyone that you're Catholic by getting married in a church - it's about recognizing the communal aspect of the faith and the significance that the Church plays in marriage. Vows are made before the actual presence of our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament instead of an arbitrary location.

    MobKazMairePoppyCMGragainOliveOilsMom
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    H's parish had closed a few years before we were married. If it were still open, we would have had our wedding there.  When his parish closed, we decided together to find a new parish.  So we church shopped, I know that's not always looked positively upon, but we looked for parishes where we already had a connection.  Where priests from our pasts were in the different churches around us within a 30 minutes drive.  The first church up was where my former high school religion teacher was the pastor.  We attended mass and both loved it so much, we didn't even "try out" any other parishes.

    We officially joined the parish that week.  When we became engaged, H wanted to have the priest from his closed parish be our celebrant.  So we worked with him for our pre cana.  This other priest also made the official behind the scenes stuff happen so that we could have the wedding in our current parish with this other priest.  As it turned out, the other priest was sick and unable to perform our ceremony.  So we were able to have my former religion teacher perform our wedding, since he was the pastor at our parish. 

    H & I have been attending our parish now for 4+ years.  We love it.  We recently moved further away from it and still attend there because we love it.  We plan to have our children baptized there someday.  We plan to stay at this parish as long as we can.  H has even become involved with the KOC and one of the lay ministries.

    OP - All of what I said was to help encourage you to find a new permanent parish for you and FI.  Attend mass together to make the new parish yours.  Lots of Catholics have had their parishes either close to heavily changed, so you are not alone in having that happen to you.

    CMGragain
  • Hi Everyone,

    My Fiance and I are having an outdoor ceremony at our venue.  Both of us are Catholic, and would really like to have a Catholic Priest do our ceremony.  The priest we were originally working with said he could no longer do the ceremony because the bishop did not approve of having it outside of a church.  Does anyone know of a priest that can do an outdoor ceremony? I would really appreciate any help! Our ceremony is Hiram, Ohio. Thanks :)

    It is extremely, nay almost impossible to have an outdoor Catholic ceremony. PPs have touched on the reasons in above threads. I have only been to ONE outdoor Catholic ceremony and it took almost TWO YEARS to get dispensation from the Bishop to do it. An altar had to be brought to the outdoor site and they could not have a full mass. The only way that they could do it was that the Bride and her family was in very good standing with the Bishop and the parish that the Bishop is out of in our area. 

     Why don't you have a Church ceremony and an outdoor reception?
  • Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the prest well.

  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the prest well.

    It's not so much judging you, it's just explaining that there is a certain way to do things and you shouldn't get to benefit from the end result if you aren't willing to follow the rules. 

    It's like membership to an exclusive club and there is some kind of initiation process. The others have gone through the initiation, followed the steps, followed the rules, and because of that are in good standing with the club. So it's reasonable that they are going to frown upon someone coming in saying they want to be a member with all the rights and privileges but aren't willing to go through the same process to get there.
    image
  • geebee908geebee908 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    edited May 2015

    Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the priest well.

    SITB

    This sounds like a good solution for your situation. Losing your parish home is difficult and you have the added complication of being in transition with your housing situation. I hope it all works out well for you. I'm sure your wedding will be lovely in whatever church you decide. Good luck!


    flantastic
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the prest well.


    Oh I am judging. I am not even Catholic and can still figure out that exceptions are rarely made with the regards to sacraments.

    If you have been to Sunday School you would know this.  

    BabyFruit Ticker
    lyndausviredoryxSTARMOON44[Deleted User]
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015
    redoryx said:

    Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the prest well.

    It's not so much judging you, it's just explaining that there is a certain way to do things and you shouldn't get to benefit from the end result if you aren't willing to follow the rules. 

    It's like membership to an exclusive club and there is some kind of initiation process. The others have gone through the initiation, followed the steps, followed the rules, and because of that are in good standing with the club. So it's reasonable that they are going to frown upon someone coming in saying they want to be a member with all the rights and privileges but aren't willing to go through the same process to get there.


    There are just certain things that have to be done, and really good reasons why those things have to be done. If people have a genuine reason where their situation is difficult, I (as a preparer of folks for sacraments) am going to bend over backwards to help them get everything done. I will adjust my hours to fit whatever crazy work schedule they have to work with them and help them through it. For instance, we just had a dad whose daughter wanted to receive First Communion, but his ex wasn't willing to help and he didn't have custody on the dates we had our "official" preparation. We made it work. I came up with a special route for them to do everything that needed to be done. But the fact remains that however it goes, you (and they) still have to do it if you want the sacrament.

    Like I said, I was married in the church where I grew up, not the newer community I recently joined. I'm definitely not judging if you want to choose a parish based on having a particular connection there. But you'll have to do whatever that parish asks of you.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm not a devout Catholic, but I did spend 10 years in CCD.  I had all the sacraments up to and including confirmation.   Then I left the church.  I seriously judge people who claim to take their faith seriously then get surprised the Catholic church has rules on getting married.

     We were taught about sacraments many, many times in CCD.  Marriage being a sacrament is hardly a surprise.   When all your other sacraments includes classes and a church service of some sort, it's hardly a stretch that the marriage sacrament would have the same.  At the very least you ASK what it takes to enter into the sacrament of marriage.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    OliveOilsMomLiatris2010CMGragain
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2015

    Thanks for the genuine concern and help. For some such devote Catholics, they are judging quite a bit. It is hard for us to find a new parish right now. We are both currently living separately, I wanted to be married before we live together.  That makes it hard to find a new church together. Also, we are building a house in an area far away from our reception/ceremony location. I don't want to start going to a church all of a sudden and then a few months later, it would become irrelevant because we have to move.

    I may just end up getting married at my parents church, since they know the prest well.

    STUCK IN A BOX******** And H & I were also not living together when we found our church that we attend now.  Why don't you start attending churches where your house is being built?  As I said up above, H & I attend a church that is not close to our home.  It used to be a 15 minute drive, but is now closer to 25 minutes.  We have simply adjusted our routine prior to leaving for Church so that we arrive at Church 10 minutes before Mass starts.
  • You don't need to be members of a certain parish to get married there. I understand wanting to be, but I'm guessing that time is closing in and it probably won't happen in time for the wedding anyway. 

    My H and I considered getting married in a Catholic church of which we were not members. I'm not even Catholic (he is) and there was still a way to make it happen. It would have been time consuming and expensive, but we could have done it if we really wanted to. With both of you being Catholic, this shouldn't be a problem.

    If you take your faith seriously and you wait to raise your kids Catholic, be godparents, etc. then you'll find a way to make this work. But don't count on convalidation if the story is that it was just easier to get married outside at your venue.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Just to add on, contact a parish at least 9 months prior to your wedding. premarital council is mandatory before a priest will agree to marry you in a Catholic church.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you want to have your ceremony at your venue it won't be officiated by a Catholic priest in good standing. Your option is to get married in the Catholic church or talk to your new parish priest about recieviving dispensation for a convalidation after your secular marriage ceremony. This will make your marriage valid in the church and allow you to still receive the sacraments. GL :)
    Please be aware though that it is very unlikely that you would get a convalidation just because you wanted to get married outside. They're not going to believe you take your faith seriously with the attitude you're displaying here.
    Unlikely or not, it's the only option if you want to be married outside the church and remain in good standing. My priest was willing to give me one, it can vary widely by parish. I'm not saying OP will be granted one, but asking for one is always an option. 
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you want to have your ceremony at your venue it won't be officiated by a Catholic priest in good standing. Your option is to get married in the Catholic church or talk to your new parish priest about recieviving dispensation for a convalidation after your secular marriage ceremony. This will make your marriage valid in the church and allow you to still receive the sacraments. GL :)
    Please be aware though that it is very unlikely that you would get a convalidation just because you wanted to get married outside. They're not going to believe you take your faith seriously with the attitude you're displaying here.
    Unlikely or not, it's the only option if you want to be married outside the church and remain in good standing. My priest was willing to give me one, it can vary widely by parish. I'm not saying OP will be granted one, but asking for one is always an option. 
    My dad really wanted us to have a church wedding.  He did some research and the church gave us the option to give us one.  We did not take them up on the offer as we were not practicing, but it was indeed was an option.  That parish was pretty liberal.

     I grew up in a pretty conservative parish, I would be surprised if they would allow them. CCD was almost too liberal for him.  The pastor really looked down on us CCD kids.   He basically thought  if you didn't go to Catholic school you were not a real Catholic.   He was so scary I would not have even bothered to ask.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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