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Why/when are parent thank you gifts necessary?

anrforanranrforanr member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Just curious - here's our situation.

My parents are contributing to the wedding, pretty much paying for everything. Obviously I will be getting them thank you gifts.
However, FI mom is not contributing to the wedding at all - so is it necessary to get her a gift? If so, why would it be necessary? I haven't brought the subject up with FI yet, but I'm guessing he's not going to be all about it. So, just looking for some clarification on if he needs to get her a gift and why.

Thanks Knotties!
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Re: Why/when are parent thank you gifts necessary?

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    anrforanr said:
    Just curious - here's our situation.

    My parents are contributing to the wedding, pretty much paying for everything. Obviously I will be getting them thank you gifts.
    However, FI mom is not contributing to the wedding at all - so is it necessary to get her a gift? If so, why would it be necessary? I haven't brought the subject up with FI yet, but I'm guessing he's not going to be all about it. So, just looking for some clarification on if he needs to get her a gift and why.

    Thanks Knotties!
    You get them a gift for raising you to be the kind of people someone else would want to marry, not because they paid for something.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    anrforanr said:
    Just curious - here's our situation.

    My parents are contributing to the wedding, pretty much paying for everything. Obviously I will be getting them thank you gifts.
    However, FI mom is not contributing to the wedding at all - so is it necessary to get her a gift? If so, why would it be necessary? I haven't brought the subject up with FI yet, but I'm guessing he's not going to be all about it. So, just looking for some clarification on if he needs to get her a gift and why.

    Thanks Knotties!
    Parent gifts have nothing to do with who is or is not paying for your wedding.  They're more of a general 'thanks for supporting us and raising us' kind of gift. 



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  • anrforanranrforanr member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    adk19Viczaesar.
    I did not know that - thanks for the clarification.
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
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    You're thanking them for raising you (into a hopefully awesome human being) who is celebrating a major milestone with them.  You are thanking them for their support (financial, emotional, and otherwise) not only for this occasion, but for all the times up to that point.  There are more ways to have contributed to your wedding day than just giving money.

    That said, gifts aren't required and they don't have to be extravagant if you do give them.  They can be as simple as a heartfelt letter for them to read on your wedding day.

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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Agree with PP's. And you don't have to give them extravagant gifts, just something heartfelt. FI and I are writing each of our parents letters thanking them for birthing us, feeding us, instilling the morals and values necessary for us to have become healthy and responsible adults, etc. We will also be giving each of them a framed photo from our engagement shoot before the wedding, and then making them photo books after the wedding.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    H and I didn't get gifts for our parents.  We did, give them lots of hugs and "I love yous."  And I thanked my parents many times over for our wedding (they paid) and thanked H's parents profusely for the wonderful RD (they paid).  To me, a personal thank you means more then a physical gift.

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    We didn't do parent gifts until after the wedding.   We gave WP gifts at the RD.

    However I'll echo PPs to say that giving a gift in no way should have to do with how much the person did for you in planning the wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs. Parent gifts should bear no relation to the amounts of their financial contributions or other participation in the wedding. They should be gestures of love and gratitude for raising you.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I had never heard of parent gifts before coming to this site. I might be getting our parents something small, if I find something fitting, but that is not a necessity to me. More importantly, I am and have been thanking them all for their support throughout the entire process, and I will be writing them all letters at the end. In our families, sincere and genuine thanks is more appreciated than physical gifts.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    abcdevonn said:
    I had never heard of parent gifts before coming to this site. I might be getting our parents something small, if I find something fitting, but that is not a necessity to me. More importantly, I am and have been thanking them all for their support throughout the entire process, and I will be writing them all letters at the end. In our families, sincere and genuine thanks is more appreciated than physical gifts.
    I hadn't heard of them either before this site.  I feel like sometimes the gift giving by the couple can get a bit overboard.

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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    We gave each of our parents a photo album with wedding photos after the wedding. I made them through Shutterfly. 
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer

    Parent gifts aren't really necessary and are just to show your appreciation for all they have done for you, wedding related or not.  For raising you both to be the people you are today.

    Both my parents & DH's parents are still married (40+ years).  So, at our wedding we displayed their wedding photos and a letter to them thanking them for being such great examples to us on how to have a successful marriage and for instilling in us the qualities that we think are necessary to make our marriage last too.  It was a total surprise to them and they loved it.  Then we made wedding photo albums for each set of parents after the wedding.  

    image 

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  • haleyk620haleyk620 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    SP29 said:
    We gave each of our parents a photo album with wedding photos after the wedding. I made them through Shutterfly. 
    This is what FI and I are planning on doing. We are also going to write letters to our parents to give to them the day of the wedding.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    We gave our parents gifts, but we just really like giving gifts. We didn't do anything crazy, just small things like we'd give for a birthday plus a Shutterfly album after the wedding.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • anrforanranrforanr member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    abcdevonn said:
    I had never heard of parent gifts before coming to this site. I might be getting our parents something small, if I find something fitting, but that is not a necessity to me. More importantly, I am and have been thanking them all for their support throughout the entire process, and I will be writing them all letters at the end. In our families, sincere and genuine thanks is more appreciated than physical gifts.
    I hadn't heard of them either before this site.  I feel like sometimes the gift giving by the couple can get a bit overboard.
    I hadn't heard of them before this site either, which is why it wasn't really clear to me what they were all about.
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  • anrforanranrforanr member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    haleyk620 said:
    SP29 said:
    We gave each of our parents a photo album with wedding photos after the wedding. I made them through Shutterfly. 
    This is what FI and I are planning on doing. We are also going to write letters to our parents to give to them the day of the wedding.
    I like this idea. The one gift we've ever given FI mom that she's used is a photo calendar we made her for Christmas. So I feel like some sort of photo gift would be something she would like.
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  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I gave my parents a card with a note at the RD. will also do a photo book once the pro pix are in. H didn't do anything for his dad/stepmom
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