Wedding 911

At what point (if any) is it OK to nudge my BM?

I am having 3 BMs including my MOH. One of my BMs is a very dear friend from college. She is a 2nd-year associate at a law firm and EXTREMELY busy, so I actually even asked her with the caveat of 'I would love to have you but I will not be hurt if this is too much,' and she was very excited to be asked and perfectly fine with it.  

The problem is that this BM has not yet picked up her dress for alterations. She's acknowledged it and keeps saying she will "do it soon" (she's mentioned it to me proactively; I only checked in with her once to make sure it came into the right store, because my MOH had problems with that). Our wedding is July 25, so it's starting to get a little bit close. Is there a point at which I should be nudging her a little more actively? I don't want to be a bridezilla or inconsiderate, but I also don't want her to not have a dress, or to let this go until the last minute if it's something I should be dealing with as the one planning this whole thing. 

She is very, very busy at work, and admittedly the store is not terribly convenient to her (or me), but we needed a chain store because all 3 BMs were in different states, and that is the closest AA to where she or I live (the closest David's is literally across the street from AA). AAs at least in our state have terrible, terrible availability for fittings (2 weekdays a week only). I definitely recognize this and I've offered to drive down with her or to pick up her dress when I go for my own fittings. She said she'd considered picking it up and going somewhere closer to home for fittings and I made a point of telling her I was cool with that and thought that made sense. Is there anything else I can do? 

Re: At what point (if any) is it OK to nudge my BM?

  • I am having 3 BMs including my MOH. One of my BMs is a very dear friend from college. She is a 2nd-year associate at a law firm and EXTREMELY busy, so I actually even asked her with the caveat of 'I would love to have you but I will not be hurt if this is too much,' and she was very excited to be asked and perfectly fine with it.  

    The problem is that this BM has not yet picked up her dress for alterations. She's acknowledged it and keeps saying she will "do it soon" (she's mentioned it to me proactively; I only checked in with her once to make sure it came into the right store, because my MOH had problems with that). Our wedding is July 25, so it's starting to get a little bit close. Is there a point at which I should be nudging her a little more actively? I don't want to be a bridezilla or inconsiderate, but I also don't want her to not have a dress, or to let this go until the last minute if it's something I should be dealing with as the one planning this whole thing. 

    She is very, very busy at work, and admittedly the store is not terribly convenient to her (or me), but we needed a chain store because all 3 BMs were in different states, and that is the closest AA to where she or I live (the closest David's is literally across the street from AA). AAs at least in our state have terrible, terrible availability for fittings (2 weekdays a week only). I definitely recognize this and I've offered to drive down with her or to pick up her dress when I go for my own fittings. She said she'd considered picking it up and going somewhere closer to home for fittings and I made a point of telling her I was cool with that and thought that made sense. Is there anything else I can do? 
    Your wedding is over a month away.  Your friend has plenty of time to pick up her dress and get it altered if it needs it.  Your friend knows your wedding date and knows she needs to pick up her dress so there is really no need to nudge her to do anything.  Trust your friend to get it done. She has plenty of time.

  • Thanks -- I had no idea how long it would take to handle alterations for a BM dress, so I thought maybe there wasn't enough time left. 

    I'll admit I'm a little worried that the store will have sent her dress back by the time she goes to get it, because they kind of made a comment to that effect when we bought everything, but I guess there isn't much I can do about that. Is it worth checking in with the store when I go back for my final fitting in 2 weeks? 
  • Thanks -- I had no idea how long it would take to handle alterations for a BM dress, so I thought maybe there wasn't enough time left. 

    I'll admit I'm a little worried that the store will have sent her dress back by the time she goes to get it, because they kind of made a comment to that effect when we bought everything, but I guess there isn't much I can do about that. Is it worth checking in with the store when I go back for my final fitting in 2 weeks? 
    What do you mean by this?  I am assuming that your BM has paid for or at least put a deposit down on the dress so the salon shouldn't be sending it back or anywhere else for that matter. And really the store should be contacting your BM, not you, about her dress.

  • The store shouldn't be sending back her dress without contacting HER, not you (or are you proactively sticking your nose in here and checking up on what other adults are doing?) and she doesn't need 6+ weeks for alterations. The last wedding I was in, alterations took 3 weeks. And that's because I was gone for a week out of those three and was unable to come back for refitting. 

    If your bridesmaid doesn't know that her dress is in, let her know. And that's it. Game over, end of story. Don't check up on her. You'll have enough things to concern yourself with in the following weeks, no need to borrow things to do.

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  • primafaba15primafaba15 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2015
    Sorry, I should have clarified! I have NOT said anything to the store. I was wondering if that is something I ought to do since I will be there. It sounds like that would be seriously out of line, so, thanks for clarifying, and I definitely will not. 

    When we bought the dresses, we were told that the store does not store dresses at all and that we would have a limited window of time to pick up our dresses after it arrived or they would be assumed to be abandoned (and I think sent back). I had to sign something to that effect for my dress.

    When my dress came in, the clerk made a (totally unsolicited) comment that my BM had not picked up her dress yet. That is the only reason I knew. I have otherwise stayed the heck out of it and as I said have not even said anything to the BM unless she brought it up first. 

    I just wanted to make sure I am not somehow negligent and missing something I should be doing to make life easier for my BM and/or setting myself up for a ton of "What's wrong with you, it was your responsibility to check in on this, now you screwed everything up" from family etc. later.  But it sounds like, again, that is way off base and seriously inappropriate. I appreciate everyone helping me realize that before I screwed this up. I will go take a chill pill now. 

    Edit for length and to add: I recognize that the store should be contacting BM if they will send it back. They've been difficult to work with and I've somewhat regretting buying their dress, so to be honest, I don't entirely trust that they would warn her before sending it off. 
  • Sorry, I should have clarified! I have NOT said anything to the store yet. I was wondering if I should check to make sure it is still there. It sounds like that would be seriously out of line, so, thanks for clarifying, and I definitely will not. 

    When we bought the dresses, we were told that the store does not store dresses at all unless they are currently in alterations and that we would have a limited window of time to pick up our dresses after it arrived or they would be assumed to be abandoned (and I think they said sent back, but I don't remember the details). I have a piece of paper somewhere that more or less says that exact thing for my dress. In fact, when my gown came in 3 months earlier than they said it would, I had to scramble to make time to pick it up within a week of arrival.  

    When my dress came in, the clerk made a (totally unsolicited) comment that my BM had not picked up her dress yet. I have otherwise stayed the heck out of it and as I said have not even said anything to the BM unless she brought it up first. I just wanted to make sure I am not somehow negligent and missing something I should be doing to make life easier for my BM and/or setting myself up for a ton of "What's wrong with you, it was your responsibility to check in on this, now you screwed everything up" from family etc. later. 

     But it sounds like, again, that is way off base and seriously inappropriate. I appreciate everyone helping me realize that before I screwed this up. I will go take a chill pill now. 
    Hopefully this is a margarita. A margarita sounds amazing right now.

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  • I didn't even go in for my wedding dress alterations until closer to one month before the wedding. Relax.

    Unless she bought a burlap sack or a dress that isn't her size, it's not the end of the world if she doesn't go in for them at all.
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  • She should be fine with alterations, I got back from out of the country less than 1 week before the last wedding I was in and took my BM dress in to get altered. The alteration place put a rush on it and I picked it up two days after I took it in so I would have it for the wedding. And if the store is sending dresses back without contacting the people who purchased them then I have no idea how they are still in business.Your friend is an adult, I'm sure if she gets a phone call from the store saying "you need to pick it up by this date or we are sending it back" she will go get it.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks everyone. Sounds like I am definitely overreacting and had maybe overestimated the timeline necessary for BMs dress alterations.  This probably sounded like a pretty stupid question, but it's helpful to hear that I don't need to stress about this and that it's okay to just let BM take care of it on her own. 
  • It's not a stupid question but just know that pretty much anything can be accomplished on short notice with determination and money, if necessary.  

    I didn't bring shoes to my first fitting so I had my 2nd fitting one week before my wedding.  I had lost weight and required additional alterations that were finished 3 days before my wedding.  I had a custom made gown that took months to make.  The alterations (which included completely removing the lace from the bottom to do the hem) took only days.  If a seamstress can to that to a wedding gown, a BM dress can be altered quite easily if you get the right seamstress/tailor.  
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