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Broken Family

Knottie1430092158Knottie1430092158 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Blood Family. This is a big issue I've been really struggling with and I need some help.  

Long story short, I was raised by my mother's parents since I was a baby. They have both now passed. When my grandmother left us, that was the final crack that shattered the family. My biological mother, aunts and uncle fighting, my grandparents stuff being sold or donated without asking any of the grandchildren. The sad part is that our mothers pit us (cousins) against each other. I personally have stayed away from the drama. 

My issue is do I invite or not invite these people to my wedding? I try to think about if these people will be in my life thirty years from now. My fiance and I can only afford a small wedding. We can't afford a destination wedding. Any suggestions? Thank you for taking the time to read. 
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Re: Broken Family

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Good news is you are not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding. Not even your parents. So certainly not aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...

    Have you considered eloping? If you're tight on cash and trying to avoid family drama, that might be a great solution for you.
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    Knottie1430092158Knottie1430092158 member
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    Thank you for replying. Oh yes, we thought about eloping but we both want our parents to at least witness this occasion especially my fiance's parents who live over seas at the moment. 
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    If you don't like someone and they aren't really in your life, I wouldn't invite them.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Knottie1430092158 said:

    Thank you for replying. Oh yes, we thought about eloping but we both want our parents to at least witness this occasion especially my fiance's parents who live over seas at the moment. 

    Then if I were in your shoes, I'd just invite immediate family and a few close friends.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Knottie1430092158 said:
    Blood Family. This is a big issue I've been really struggling with and I need some help.  

    Long story short, I was raised by my mother's parents since I was a baby. They have both now passed. When my grandmother left us, that was the final crack that shattered the family. My biological mother, aunts and uncle fighting, my grandparents stuff being sold or donated without asking any of the grandchildren. The sad part is that our mothers pit us (cousins) against each other. I personally have stayed away from the drama. 

    My issue is do I invite or not invite these people to my wedding? I try to think about if these people will be in my life thirty years from now. My fiance and I can only afford a small wedding. We can't afford a destination wedding. Any suggestions? Thank you for taking the time to read. 
    Sharing an ancestor does not make a family.  These people may be your relatives, but they are not your FAMILY.  Invite the people you want there, not the people you don't.  You can invite your cousins if you want and not invite your aunts and uncles.
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    futuremrshpfuturemrshp member
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    Wow.  Sounds A LOT like my situation, only on the dad side. 
    You are not obligated to invited anyone.  While I had a lot of the same drama, it all ended up being so much fun--- and that was because I invited only the people I was close with wihtin my family.  And the cousins that I thought were going to be pitted against me actually were not.  I just had not communicated with them--- they thought that I didn't want them in my life or at the wedding.  When I ventured out to talk to them, you could hear the huge sighs of relief.  There was one cousin who's mom (my aunt) had even tried to sue me and I thought my cousin would not come because I didn't invite her mother.  She (my cousin) came to the wedding with bells on. 
     
    Although I invited my mother, she was insulted that she could be considered the cat's meow and run the whole show when she never raised me.  So she did not come and threatened my siblings not to come (they depend on her for childcare and things like that).  So, no one on my mother's side came.  I did not invite my father because he e-mailed a slew of racial rants about my DH.  I called to confront him and he hung up on me, never to hear from him again.  So clearly he wasn't invited and a few other aunts and uncles who agreed/caused trouble (due to my grandparents passing away and me having been raised by them) were not invited as well. 

    As my late grandfather always told me--- whoever needs to be there, will be there.  In this case, you get to choose.  So keep that in mind and your day will be what it should be.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    What @adk19 said. 

    You are not required, nor should you feel obligated, to invite anyone to your wedding. Invite those whom support you and your relationship with your FI.

    We had a sort of rule. If we hadn't talked to someone in a year, we didn't invite them. A few exceptions were made, but it helped put relationships into perspective (versus the rule itself). I personally feel weddings should be more of an intimate event (even if it is a larger one)- people who are in your life and supportive of you in your life. Just because you *know* someone doesn't mean they need to be invited to your wedding. 
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    scoettoscoetto member
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    Agreed. You're not obligated to invite anyone. FI has a difficult relationship with his family therefore we're keeping things small. So small, in fact, that we're only inviting our required 2 witnesses, our friend who will officiate, his wife and maybe 2 other friends of FI's. After that things get complicated. And we have enough complications in our lives to worry about that on our wedding day. Do what feels right, not what feels required. Good luck.
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    maryemoomaryemoo member
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    You are not obligated to invite anyone, blood or not, no matter whose side they are on. 
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