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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie84835214
member
Help Please!
We are having an adults only ceremony and reception. Our adult requirements are ages 18 and over. Our save the date and wedding website indicated our requirement. Someone in my family suggested for a teenager to attend without checking with me first. I was just caught off guard when they mentioned that she was attending. I had a quick discussion with my family member that we are having an adults only ceremony and reception and that the only children allowed are those who are part of the wedding party (ring bearer, flower girls, jr. hostess, and jr. ushers). She then suggested for the teenager to be added to my wedding party as a jr. hostess. I told her that I would discuss with my fiance because I don't think it's fair for me to make an exception for this one but can't make an exception for others. How should I proceed with this situation.... Please help with providing your thoughts and suggestions.
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Re: Help Please!
What exactly is a jr. hostess (or a hostess) and a jr. usher?
Kids don't like being called "jr." anything. It feels condescending to them, not inclusive or special (in a good way).
And nothing about age requirements belonged on your save-the-date or website.
That said, you can tell this relative, "I'm sorry, but only you and your SO are included in the invitation. We cannot accommodate Teen Child."
Nor does their names being on the invitation take any of this responsibility away from the couple, especially if the couple are themselves also hosts and/or their parents names are listed only as a courtesy (which we generally don't advise anyway).
And finally, the couple are presumably adults who can solve their own problems without running to their parents to clear them up.
Doesn't anyone lurk or use the search function!
OK, 1st of all you are NOT having an adult's only event. You are clearly having multiple children in your WP and in attendance of your wedding. That's ok, but it often creates drama, as you are now experiencing.
My suggestion is to either have a truly adult event, with no children in the wedding party, or to invite children. That really helps to minimize the drama and butthurt. So for instance, children in the wedding party only, or children in the WP and immediate family, but no cousins' kids or co workers' kids.
Arbitrary age cut offs are just that, arbitrary, and run the risk of splitting up families, despite what the technical etiquette "rule" is, so don't do that. For instance, your brother has kids that are 20, 18, 16, and 5. People on this board will tell you it's perfectly correct etiquette to invite your brother and his wife, the 20 year old and the 18 year old since they are adults and get a separate invitation, and not invite the 16 year old or the 5 year old. I think that's totally absurd and is THE definition of splitting up a family.
You do not have to include this teen in your WP, nor do you have to invite her, but if she is immediate family or if she has other siblings that are already invited, then I'd invite her too. This would not be a hill I'd die on, all over what amounts to an etiquette technicality.
I consider neices and nephews immediate family, since they are the children of my siblings. Aunts, uncles, cousins and children of cousins are extended family.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
We paid for and hosted our own wedding, but we listed both parents' names on the invitations in the traditional manner out of respect for them and because we wanted to. But they had nothing to do with handling the invitations.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."