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Chit Chat
lovemesomemonster
member
Life can be hard
in Chit Chat
Could use some support from the community. I'm not a military fiance but it feels like it most of the time. My fiance leaves every year for 6 or 7 months at a time and we have done this since the first year which was 6.5yrs ago. I used to live next to an air force family and they took me in as one of the military wives, but since I have moved I feel like I don't have anyone. He is working his butt off to make sure we have a secure future and a beautiful house to live in, but some days I feel like I would take no future security and a shack just so I could be with him. I put on a brave face to all of my friends but sometimes it just sucks not being able to hold him for so long.
I want to thank you ladies for all of the distraction you have provided and giving me the strength to look forward to our wedding and future.
I hope everyone else is having a great day but if you need to vent please feel free to do so on this thread. Sometimes we need an outlet, and maybe the interwebs can help with that!
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Re: Life can be hard
That must be so tough! Is there an end in sight to this arrangement? I don't think I could handle it otherwise.
Sometimes it's lonely enough with FI working nights! Not so much on a nightly basis, but he works every Sunday and there are certain things and various things he will never be able to attend because of his crazy schedule.
My day was ROUGH. My older dog was in a ton of pain, I took her in and found out she seems to have Intervertebral Disc Disease (IVDD), which whoever heard of, but my last dog also had! She's in rough shape, but all they can really do is give meds and rest and see if it heals and she regains function in her legs.
Then I went to let the other dog out just now, and she broke the tether and ran off! I was chasing her through backyards - holy shit am I out of shape! She's black so I couldn't see a thing, luckily I could hear her collar and eventually caught up to her.
Is this day over yet???
ETA: My poor girl had to come home on a stretcher. :-(
When you marry someone, they come with baggage. My husband's job dictated that we live near Washington, DC for 33 years. I would have preferred another part of the country with less crime, pollution, and lower cost of living, but this was the terms I had to accept to marry my DH. Before he married me, he was engaged to another lady who was not willing to accept this. She broke it off, and I was the winner! Never regretted it for a minute!
Are YOU willing to accept a lifetime of long separations? This can get harder when you have children who miss their father. Think carefully about this, please. I currently live in a town out west with a high divorce rate - Daddy is in the N.D. oilfields making money, while Mom holds down the home and kids. It is very hard.
Of course, there are many couples who do make long separations work. We are fortunate to live in an age of cellular telephones and SKYPE. Just be certain that you are willing to do this for a long time. Don't expect him to change after marriage. Good luck!
It sucks, and it's tough to get through, but it is also worth it to us, because we make the time we do have together count, and enjoy every minute of it. It really helped that when we met, I had previously worked in the oilfield, and knew very well what schedules are like. (When we met, I had been out of the oilfield a while, and went back to it 2 years after we met.)
And, if you feel like having a chat, you can always drop me a PM
My FI is active duty and I'm a veteran. We've run the gamut when it comes to relationship styles-- long distance, living together, etc. Honestly? None of them is "easier" and all of them have unique struggles. The thing to remember is that you chose this when you chose him, and being with him is worth this particular struggle. I think if you change your mentality you will feel a lot better.
The first time my FI and I spent an amount of time apart the first two weeks were the hardest. I have some issues that make it hard for me to sleep and it's even harder without him. However, by the end of the second week I decided I was going to make the most of my time alone. I bought new food for the house that I didn't eat because he preferred heartier food. I changed my daily schedule to add in more exercises and more excursions with my dog. By the time he finally made his way home, I was more positive mentally and physically than when he left and I was able to help him better settle back into life.
Definitely take advantage of skype and facetime. FI and I would set aside date nights. And we would simply each cook something similar for supper, and watch a show together while facetiming. Sounds kinda silly, but it really makes you feel like you are doing something together, and its less emotionally hard then a phonecall talking about how much you miss each other.