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"Additional" Invitees

Knottie0805461 Knottie0805461 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So in my readings and research about addressing the invites, I read that you only include those you want invited on the invitations. We are having a smaller wedding, I put a cap at 130 (which is small for us considering the size of our families). This meant that second cousins were not included, mostly because neither of us has any much if any interaction with them. In receiving some RSVP's, many of the second cousins are being included in by their parents. Obviously I would want them there if we could accommodate it, but I am not sure what to say to their families about not being invited / the fact that they were not invited to begin with? I don't want to be rude or come off like I don't want them there, but we are on a budget. Any suggestions on a good way to handle this?

Thank you!
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Re: "Additional" Invitees

  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Keep it short, don't keep apologizing like you did something wrong.

    "There must have been some confusion, the invitation was intended for _____________"


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was only for you and SO. That's why the kids weren't listed on the envelope."
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  • sheknows6sheknows6 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm having the same problem- I am getting lots of RSVP's back from people who just decided it is ok to invite people not listed on the invite. 

    I think wedding etiquette is lost on a lot of people; either that or people just don't care and think they're special.

    I've opted for "I'd love to be able to invite everyone, but unfortunately we can't. We only intended to invite the people listed on the invitation, I hope you understand."

    It's always awkward to tell someone "no" but it's either that or you increase your budget and rent a bigger space.



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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Like the PPs said, just call and let them know. "Hey Aunt Sally! I just got your RSVP card! Sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was just for you and Uncle Joe. Can't wait to see you there!" Try not to directly say that someone is "not invited" and just clarify who is invited. It's best to handle it asap in case people start booking travel or turn down other plans in order to attend.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree with the above. "Sorry for the confusion Aunt Sally, but the invitation was only for you and Uncle John. We hope you can still attend".

    Remember though, you've done nothing wrong by not inviting these cousins, so you don't need to apologize for your choices. Also, don't give reasons for your choices, as that gives some people the room to find a "solution" to the proposed "problem" (even though it wasn't a problem in the first place). For example, if you say that you've got a limited budget then some people may say, "well can they come if you get enough declines?" or "well we can pay for their dinner!". Or, guests may try to make you feel bad about why so and so is invited but not their kids, or how your other cousin invited EVERYBODY and it was SO much fun!!! 

    You are hosting a reception for your wedding. You have chosen to invite X,Y,Z guests, and that is that. You don't need to explain yourself, except to explain that they have made a mistake in interpretting the invitation. 
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  • Knottie0805461 Knottie0805461 member
    First Comment
    Thanks everyone! I'll be making the call tonight :) Such great advice! We shall see how it goes !!
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  • spglspspglsp member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    SP29 said:
    Agree with the above. "Sorry for the confusion Aunt Sally, but the invitation was only for you and Uncle John. We hope you can still attend".

    Remember though, you've done nothing wrong by not inviting these cousins, so you don't need to apologize for your choices. Also, don't give reasons for your choices, as that gives some people the room to find a "solution" to the proposed "problem" (even though it wasn't a problem in the first place). For example, if you say that you've got a limited budget then some people may say, "well can they come if you get enough declines?" or "well we can pay for their dinner!". Or, guests may try to make you feel bad about why so and so is invited but not their kids, or how your other cousin invited EVERYBODY and it was SO much fun!!! 

    You are hosting a reception for your wedding. You have chosen to invite X,Y,Z guests, and that is that. You don't need to explain yourself, except to explain that they have made a mistake in interpretting the invitation. 
    I'm seconding this. I made the mistake of saying it was a budget issue to a family member and was hounded for days about what could be changed to make inviting this extra person financially possible. Save yourself that struggle
    Just Married!

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