Dear Prudie,
I’m 73, and I was recently informed by my pulmonologist that I have idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. The prognosis is three to five years. I don’t know how far along I am. My current symptoms are shortness of breath, but not to the extent that it is noticeable by others. My wife is 68, in good health and we have a wonderful marriage. At times I experience severe stress associated with the diagnosis, but I want to delay telling my wife as long as my symptoms are not noticeable, or until I need her support. I’m told there’s really no treatment, and the prognosis is that of a gradual decline that becomes rapid toward the end. My dilemma is when to tell her. Doing so now would just cause her to experience the stress I have and would not really help me. But we have never kept secrets from each other during our almost 20-year marriage. Her first marriage ended in her husband’s death. Delaying telling her the stark reality of my prognosis is the right thing to do for her, isn’t it?