Destination Weddings

Back from our wedding

edited June 2015 in Destination Weddings
Hi everyone! I hope your planning is going well. Good luck and good bye!

Re: Back from our wedding

  • You didn't have a wedding in the USVI.  You had a vow renewal.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    adk19
  • You got married in California, so feel free to entertain questions from people from out of town planning to attend a destination wedding in Cali! I hear there is some great surfing out there as well as some wonderful vineyards.

    By all means, carry on!
    mikenbergeradk19
  • edited June 2015
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited June 2015
    Wow! I'm really blown away by all the negativity. Yes, my husband and I have our marriage license in CA. However, our wedding with 50+ guests was performed in St. John. Call it what you will, I was merely offering to help anyone that may have questions about St. John. I apologize if my offer has offended you. It is quit common for couples to marry at the courthouse before a destination wedding.
     
    BOXES
     
    It might be common, but it doesn't make it any less rude or inconsiderate to your guests, especially because you hid it from them. As @lyndaUSVI mentioned in another post, it's super easy to get a marriage license in the USVIs. There was really no reason to not have it legally be done there.
    ETF spelling and box shit

     







    adk19
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Wow! I'm really blown away by all the negativity. Yes, my husband and I have our marriage license in CA. However, our wedding with 50+ guests was performed in St. John. Call it what you will, I was merely offering to help anyone that may have questions about St. John. I apologize if my offer has offended you. It is quit common for couples to marry at the courthouse before a destination wedding.
    Just because everybody else did it, doesn't make it right. If everybody else jumped off a cliff, would you?

    And NO. Your wedding was performed in California. Not in St. John.

    image
    adk19
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited June 2015
    You have to send in your application and fee (which is on the high side) to courthouse at least 8 days before your wedding.    Then you pick up your license at the courthouse.   

    Being in St John it can take a little extra travel time, but it's not horrible.  Many people just go by the courthouse on their way from the airport to the ferry (assuming they got in during the day).

    I was living in the USVI and got married in NJ.   NJ had a 3 BUSINESS day wait period.   Which meant we had to apply (in person) no later than Tuesday for a Saturday wedding.   We didn't get married in the USVI to make it easier on us.




    ETA - I should note that NJ was a destination wedding for us. It was OOT for 100% of our guests. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Wow! I'm really blown away by all the negativity. Yes, my husband and I have our marriage license in CA. However, our wedding with 50+ guests was performed in St. John. Call it what you will, I was merely offering to help anyone that may have questions about St. John. I apologize if my offer has offended you. It is quit common for couples to marry at the courthouse before a destination wedding.
    I don't think that calling something out for what it is is "negativity".  Labeling something you don't want to hear or don't agree with as "negative" or my other favorite, "toxic" is a complete cop-out.  What you did by not disclosing to your guests was deceitful.  As Jells pointed out, why did you keep this fact from your guests if it's so "common"?  Answer: it's b/c you knew it was wrong.  

    You asked people to spend THOUSANDS of dollars to come witness you get married, not throw a party and you took the choice away from them about whether to do so by lying about your actual marital status.  You can deny it all you want, but you were married in California.  Getting your marriage licence is not the same as having a civil ceremony where you get married.  

    If you lurk around here, you will see multiple posts from people (guests) who were duped in the same way and attended "destination weddings" only to find out later that the couple had legally married in the states previous to the "symbolic ceremony".  You'll find that these people were furious and in most cases ended the friendship.  

    Not to mention the fact that being so flippant about your civil ceremony and acting as though it meant nothing is a slap in the face to put it mildly to those who do not enjoy the same rights as you to get married.  

    I ask this all the time and have never gotten a straight answer: were you or were you not married when you left the courthouse in California?  It is a yes or no question, you have a 50% chance of getting it right.  
    adk19
  • edited June 2015
  • Negativity since I was simply offering up information for anyone who was thinking of having their wedding in Stj.


    But you didn't HAVE a wedding in St. John. A wedding is a ceremony that happens when two people got married. You were married in a courthouse a few weeks before.  

    image
    CMGragainadk19
  • Negativity since I was simply offering up information for anyone who was thinking of having their wedding in Stj.

    GAH stuck in the box.

    Ditto Redoryx.  You did not get married in St. John.  You had a symbolic ceremony/took a vacation/threw a party.  This is an etiquette forum where people promote and explain the rules of etiquette to help couples planning a wedding host their guests appropriately and in a way that makes them comfortable.  

    You will never, ever be given positive feedback for lying to guests about your marital status and tricking them into taking an expensive trip to watch you say your vows b/c they are meaningful to you.  

    You are welcome in this forum and you are welcome to share your experiences in St. John.  What is not welcome is promoting ideas that fly in the face of etiquette or encouraging others to make the same egregious mis-step that you did.  

    What's done is done and you can't undo it.  I hope you learned something here and with some self-reflection can figure out a way to make this right to the people you lied to.  
    adk19
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I've been to a church wedding in Austria.  The couple had their civil wedding back in the states for immigration reasons.  It was known by everyone.  It should be noted that in Austria you have to have separate civil and religious ceremonies anyway.


    I'm not a fan of people lying by omission in order for the family and friends witness something they are not.  I'm also not a fan of people trying to have their cake and eat it too.   I really side-eye people who are not willing to take the proper steps to get legally married in their dream spot out of laziness. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    adk19
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited June 2015
    You will never, ever be given positive feedback for lying to guests about your marital status and tricking them into taking an expensive trip to watch you say your vows b/c they are meaningful to you.  

    You are welcome in this forum and you are welcome to share your experiences in St. John.  What is not welcome is promoting ideas that fly in the face of etiquette or encouraging others to make the same egregious mis-step that you did.  

    What's done is done and you can't undo it.  I hope you learned something here and with some self-reflection can figure out a way to make this right to the people you lied to.  
    This!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    onefootinthebayou
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    Negativity since I was simply offering up information for anyone who was thinking of having their wedding in Stj.

    GAH stuck in the box.

    Ditto Redoryx.  You did not get married in St. John.  You had a symbolic ceremony/took a vacation/threw a party.  This is an etiquette forum where people promote and explain the rules of etiquette to help couples planning a wedding host their guests appropriately and in a way that makes them comfortable.  

    You will never, ever be given positive feedback for lying to guests about your marital status and tricking them into taking an expensive trip to watch you say your vows b/c they are meaningful to you.  

    You are welcome in this forum and you are welcome to share your experiences in St. John.  What is not welcome is promoting ideas that fly in the face of etiquette or encouraging others to make the same egregious mis-step that you did.  

    What's done is done and you can't undo it.  I hope you learned something here and with some self-reflection can figure out a way to make this right to the people you lied to.  


    Agree with the bolded. You are absolutely welcome to share your experience throwing planning your event in St. John. I wish more people would come back and share their experiences with planning a DW, because it's not easy. So, thank you for sharing the details of your planning experience.

    I also agree with the others about lying or withholding your marital status. While it's really no one's business if you are married or single, it becomes their business when you invite them to witness your marriage. People will do just about anything to witness this special event in a loved one's life. People give up personal vacations, pay at work, extra spending money for things that pop up, etc. to go to a wedding. Imagine if you had given up your honeymoon to travel for a wedding then you find out it wasn't really that person's wedding. I think you'd be upset and hurt.

    Don't think that the truth will never come out, because it does and often times years down the road.

     







    onefootinthebayoulyndausviadk19
  • Hi everyone! I hope your planning is going well. Good luck and good bye!
    Ha.  A sneaky DD.  What a shock from someone who doesn't seem to value the truth or have the courage to admit she was wrong and participate in the conversation in a meaningful way.  

    Knottie #s, you didn't have to GBCK, just admit what you did was wrong and learn from your mistakes!

    Either that or thanks for proving that we were all correct to assume the worst about your intentions.  
    adk19
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    There really was no point to the DD because the OP didn't have very much info in it at all. LauraRose aka knottie#s: DDing won't get rid of all of the responses.

     







    mikenberger
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