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Give me strength

I belong to a local Facebook group where brides can sell stuff they're done with or search for items for their wedding.  Recently there have been several etiquette questions about honeyfunds, cash registries, etc.  I understand the questions because before coming here there was a lot of wedding etiquette that I was unaware of, but I recognized that I didn't know and learned through lurking (and searching), because ignorance is not an excuse.  I usually respond with the typical stuff I've read here and a few people agree with me, but overall it makes no difference.  There are tons of people speaking up to say, "We did that- it was great!" "Nope, no one was offended." and the worst, "Do what you want, it's your day!"

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here, but anyone else feel like they've fought etiquette battles that can't be won?  Any magical advice to help people see the light?  At this point I'll probably just leave the group because I'm not getting anything but a headache from these people.

Re: Give me strength

  • Nope, mostly I just don't care what strangers do!

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  • The stuff I've run into IRL is stuff where I need to bite my tongue so I don't offend people I know well. Like Brad and crazypants bragging about how they have a super expensive cash bar. Trying to get through to them would be pointless. And I'm sure there will be plenty more rude things at their wedding. Especially considering how crazypants acted at my wedding. Yikes. 

    Or SIL trying to convince me that it's a great idea to only have an open bar during cocktail hour, and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. I couldn't even speak up to say I think that's super rude and tacky because it's what she did for her wedding. And overall, she's an awesome person and she's super sweet and thoughtful, and I really like her, so I didn't want to offend her. 

    Sometimes you just gotta let it go. 
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  • I realize it's not my circus, and I'm glad I'm not invited to any of these weddings.

    IRL I would bite my tongue (and I have).  I mostly feel like I've learned so much and it makes sense so I want to share that information with people and help them to understand too.  Oh well, I tried.
  • The stuff I've run into IRL is stuff where I need to bite my tongue so I don't offend people I know well. Like Brad and crazypants bragging about how they have a super expensive cash bar. Trying to get through to them would be pointless. And I'm sure there will be plenty more rude things at their wedding. Especially considering how crazypants acted at my wedding. Yikes. 

    Or SIL trying to convince me that it's a great idea to only have an open bar during cocktail hour, and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. I couldn't even speak up to say I think that's super rude and tacky because it's what she did for her wedding. And overall, she's an awesome person and she's super sweet and thoughtful, and I really like her, so I didn't want to offend her. 

    Sometimes you just gotta let it go. 
    Did you share this story with us??  Sounds intriguing!  
  • The stuff I've run into IRL is stuff where I need to bite my tongue so I don't offend people I know well. Like Brad and crazypants bragging about how they have a super expensive cash bar. Trying to get through to them would be pointless. And I'm sure there will be plenty more rude things at their wedding. Especially considering how crazypants acted at my wedding. Yikes. 

    Or SIL trying to convince me that it's a great idea to only have an open bar during cocktail hour, and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. I couldn't even speak up to say I think that's super rude and tacky because it's what she did for her wedding. And overall, she's an awesome person and she's super sweet and thoughtful, and I really like her, so I didn't want to offend her. 

    Sometimes you just gotta let it go. 
    Did you share this story with us??  Sounds intriguing!  
    Yes @novella1186, inquiring minds want to know...

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    The stuff I've run into IRL is stuff where I need to bite my tongue so I don't offend people I know well. Like Brad and crazypants bragging about how they have a super expensive cash bar. Trying to get through to them would be pointless. And I'm sure there will be plenty more rude things at their wedding. Especially considering how crazypants acted at my wedding. Yikes. 

    Or SIL trying to convince me that it's a great idea to only have an open bar during cocktail hour, and then switch to a cash bar for the rest of the night. I couldn't even speak up to say I think that's super rude and tacky because it's what she did for her wedding. And overall, she's an awesome person and she's super sweet and thoughtful, and I really like her, so I didn't want to offend her. 

    Sometimes you just gotta let it go. 
    Did you share this story with us??  Sounds intriguing!  
    Yes @novella1186, inquiring minds want to know...
    Lol I think I mentioned something in a post?

    When we met up to "rehearse" (we kind of just talked through a couple things and then handed out gifts) she sat in the corner and glared at me the entire time. When we started talking through the ceremony, she jumped up and started yelling and making demands about who needed to stand where and was saying the opposite of everything I said. For example:
    Me-- "So the BMs will stand on the left..."
    *interruption by crazypants in which she's extremely adamant and forceful, "NO! No, girls stand on the right. Ladies, you stand on the RIGHT." She basically was being a mega bridezilla about every detail. It was fucking weird.

    At the rehearsal dinner she told me the way I chose to serve food at the wedding (family style) was rude, gross, and trashy. (And mind you, this is the chick who's pushing her wedding guests to bring flasks to her wedding because her cash bar is gonna be "totes expensive.")

    And she apparently made some very bizarre, rude comments to a couple of my BMs and made them really uncomfortable.

    At the wedding she cornered H and demanded to know how much particular things cost. He knows it's not cool to talk about money so he kept trying to change the subject, and she again got extremely adamant and yelled in his face, "Seriously, just fucking tell me!" He finally told her one of the costs because he felt so uncomfortable, and she said, "Oh fuck that. That's so stupid." and stormed away.

    H's only other interaction with her during the reception was when she told him his wedding ring was on the wrong hand (it wasn't), and argued with him about it, even when he tried (twice) to walk away from her.

    My only interaction with her during the reception was when she rolled her eyes at me because I teared up during the speeches. I tried to chat with her and she gave me a shitty look and walked away without responding.

    The rest of the time, I kept seeing her angrily dragging Brad all over the place by his arm.

    Someone-- I think one of my cousins?-- told me they tried to strike up a conversation with her and they got the same thing; a shitty look, and then she complained to them about how she didn't like the wood floors or something weird.

    I think that's it. Nothing extreme, and it definitely didn't put a damper on our weekend, but the accumulation of all of it just struck me as very odd. Although for her it was pretty standard.
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  • And DH is still going to participate in that clusterfuck of a wedding, @novella1186?  Didn't you find a way out of it?

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    luckya23 said:
    And DH is still going to participate in that clusterfuck of a wedding, @novella1186?  Didn't you find a way out of it?
    For whatever reason, he feels obligated. At least I'll probably end up with some stories. And a couple of H's friends-- that I really like a lot-- are planning on going, so at the very least I'll get to hang out with them while H deals with the shitshow. 

    ETA her behavior doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I used to think she had something personal against me, even though I always made an effort to be nice to her. But the firs time we met, she told me she doesn't have any girl friends because she "hates girls." 

    Since then, Brad has told H a few different times that she actually doesn't have any friends at all, because she doesn't get along with anyone. So I guess it made me feel better to know that it's not me, it's her. So... whatever. 
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