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Bachelorette Party & FMIL - help!

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Moms and Maids
Hey guys...

My MOH and bridesmaids are asking whether or not to include my FMIL in bachelorette plans. My mom and step mom are invited, as well as some family friends who I am close with. They are planning a dinner of some sort where my younger siblings (who aren't of drinking age) are included, so they also want to know if they should invite my fiances sister (who is 13)... I'm kind of hesitant, and I'm not really excited about the idea of them being there... Does that make me a bad person?

**background info.. We aren't close, she still hasn't said if she will be coming to our destination wedding. My fiancé and her are not close and do not get along well.**
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Re: Bachelorette Party & FMIL - help!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    While it isn't strictly required that you invite either your FMIL or FSIL to your bachelorette party or this other dinner, I would even if you aren't close.  They can then accept or refuse the invitations as they see fit.  If they accept, then just be gracious to them while they're there.  
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You don't have to. And I highly doubt she has even considered that she might be invited to you bach - moms and kids usually aren't. It might be nice to extend the invite, though.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    My only worry is that she will think that she should be included in the after party... which i am again, including my family in.

    We felt obligated to invite her to my fiances birthday in November, and the band called all the birthday people up on the stage.  There were only two people, my fiancé and another girl.  The band them to then have a birthday dance together (its a country bar, so it was just two stepping), so they laughed and started playing and they started dancing (i had no problem with any of this)... then my FMIL ran up on the stage and PULLED him off mid-dance.  The poor girl was left on the stage all alone.. Luckily, one of our friends ran up and took his place... My fiancé was mortified, and afterwards apologized to the band and the other girl.  His mother yelled at him for 20 minutes after and said how disrespectful it was to her... not to me.. to her.. 

    So, not that i am trying or want to be rude, but how do I include them just for the dinner and not include them in the after part? I want to have fun with my friends and family and not have to worry about any awkward situations like my fiances birthday.  She won't be invited to his bachelor party (obviously) so he doesn't have to worry... 

    TIA

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    PuntaCanaCJ2016 said:

    My only worry is that she will think that she should be included in the after party... which i am again, including my family in.


    We felt obligated to invite her to my fiances birthday in November, and the band called all the birthday people up on the stage.  There were only two people, my fiancé and another girl.  The band them to then have a birthday dance together (its a country bar, so it was just two stepping), so they laughed and started playing and they started dancing (i had no problem with any of this)... then my FMIL ran up on the stage and PULLED him off mid-dance.  The poor girl was left on the stage all alone.. Luckily, one of our friends ran up and took his place... My fiancé was mortified, and afterwards apologized to the band and the other girl.  His mother yelled at him for 20 minutes after and said how disrespectful it was to her... not to me.. to her.. 

    So, not that i am trying or want to be rude, but how do I include them just for the dinner and not include them in the after part? I want to have fun with my friends and family and not have to worry about any awkward situations like my fiances birthday.  She won't be invited to his bachelor party (obviously) so he doesn't have to worry... 

    TIA

    Holy shit. That story is bizarre! She sounds like a grade A crazypants. After hearing that, no I would not invite her. Nope.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    PuntaCanaCJ2016 said:
    Hey guys... My MOH and bridesmaids are asking whether or not to include my FMIL in bachelorette plans. My mom and step mom are invited, as well as some family friends who I am close with. They are planning a dinner of some sort where my younger siblings (who aren't of drinking age) are included, so they also want to know if they should invite my fiances sister (who is 13)... I'm kind of hesitant, and I'm not really excited about the idea of them being there... Does that make me a bad person? **background info.. We aren't close, she still hasn't said if she will be coming to our destination wedding. My fiancé and her are not close and do not get along well.**

    PuntaCanaCJ2016 said:
    My only worry is that she will think that she should be included in the after party... which i am again, including my family in.

    We felt obligated to invite her to my fiances birthday in November, and the band called all the birthday people up on the stage.  There were only two people, my fiancé and another girl.  The band them to then have a birthday dance together (its a country bar, so it was just two stepping), so they laughed and started playing and they started dancing (i had no problem with any of this)... then my FMIL ran up on the stage and PULLED him off mid-dance.  The poor girl was left on the stage all alone.. Luckily, one of our friends ran up and took his place... My fiancé was mortified, and afterwards apologized to the band and the other girl.  His mother yelled at him for 20 minutes after and said how disrespectful it was to her... not to me.. to her.. 

    So, not that i am trying or want to be rude, but how do I include them just for the dinner and not include them in the after part? I want to have fun with my friends and family and not have to worry about any awkward situations like my fiances birthday.  She won't be invited to his bachelor party (obviously) so he doesn't have to worry... 

    TIA

    After your first post, I would have said to extend the invitation and let her decline.  But after the second post, no way!  She is crazy pants!  It would also be very hard to have her come to dinner, but then not invite her to the after party, if everyone else is coming.

    My mom, MIL, and 9 year old niece came to the dinner portion of my b-party.  But they all went home afterwards, while the rest of the group went out to the bar.  But since your mom, step-mom and other family friends are continuing on to the after party, it would be rude to not include FMIL, as it would be a tiered event then.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    PuntaCanaCJ2016 said:
    My only worry is that she will think that she should be included in the after party... which i am again, including my family in.

    We felt obligated to invite her to my fiances birthday in November, and the band called all the birthday people up on the stage.  There were only two people, my fiancé and another girl.  The band them to then have a birthday dance together (its a country bar, so it was just two stepping), so they laughed and started playing and they started dancing (i had no problem with any of this)... then my FMIL ran up on the stage and PULLED him off mid-dance.  The poor girl was left on the stage all alone.. Luckily, one of our friends ran up and took his place... My fiancé was mortified, and afterwards apologized to the band and the other girl.  His mother yelled at him for 20 minutes after and said how disrespectful it was to her... not to me.. to her.. 

    So, not that i am trying or want to be rude, but how do I include them just for the dinner and not include them in the after part? I want to have fun with my friends and family and not have to worry about any awkward situations like my fiances birthday.  She won't be invited to his bachelor party (obviously) so he doesn't have to worry... 

    TIA

    Wow, that's crazy.  I don't blame you for not wanting to invite her to the after party, but in that case, I wouldn't invite her or your FSIL to the dinner either.  Too awkward.
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  • Alyson1728Alyson1728 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I agree with some of the others on this topic. Plus I think a bachelorette party is for you and your friends/family. It's a time to unwind and have some fun you don't want to have to worry about what she thinks the whole time. I know I personally have to walk on eggshells around my own FMIL and that's just something I don't want to have to deal with on a day that's supposed to be about having fun.
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  • spglspspglsp member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If you were asking about inviting her to the wedding I would've said, "of course, she's family," but your bachelorette party is not your wedding. Your bachelorette party is more about unwinding and having a good time, you don't need to invite every female guest and you certainly don't need to invite your FMIL (particularly your FMIL because she sounds like a crazy person and the polar opposite of "a good time")
    Just Married!

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    What a loon. No, I would not invite her.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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