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Mom just wants to party

Knottie17311410Knottie17311410 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My fiance and I have chosen to have an intimate family only wedding with 50 guests. This decision was made mainly because if we opened up the guest list to friends and extended family (over 150 people), we would be over our budget and ww dont wamt to go into debt for a wedding (we are paying for everything ourselves).

My mom isn't happy with our decision because we've also chosen to have a traditional ceremony and a reception with just dinner and cutting of the cake, but no DJ just background music on an ipod. Oh, and no first dance.

So my mom wants to throw either an engagement party or a coed shower for us and invite family AND friends who won't be invited to the wedding. I think this could be breaking some etiquette rules. Thoughts?

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Re: Mom just wants to party

  • OfftheMap27OfftheMap27 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    If your mom wants a party, she should pay for it at the actual wedding. It's not appropriate, under any circumstance to invite people to an engagement party, or shower if they are not attending the wedding.


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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie17311410 said:
    My fiance and I have chosen to have an intimate family only wedding with 50 guests. This decision was made mainly because if we opened up the guest list to friends and extended family (over 150 people), we would be over our budget and ww dont wamt to go into debt for a wedding (we are paying for everything ourselves). My mom isn't happy with our decision because we've also chosen to have a traditional ceremony and a reception with just dinner and cutting of the cake, but no DJ just background music on an ipod. Oh, and no first dance. So my mom wants to throw either an engagement party or a coed shower for us and invite family AND friends who won't be invited to the wedding. I think this could be breaking some etiquette rules. Thoughts?
    Yes, that is completely against etiquette.  Only people invited to the wedding itself can be invited to wedding-related events like showers and engagement parties.



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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Tell Mom that if she invites ANYONE who is not on your guest list to a wedding related party, that you will not be there...and stick to it!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You're right, no one should be invited to a wedding-related event who isn't invited to the wedding. Make that clear to your mom.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited June 2015
    Anyone invited to the shower/engagement party must be invited to the wedding. 
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  • lachattefatalelachattefatale member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Tell your mom to just throw a party for no reason if she wants a party so badly. Parties are awesome, but they don't have to be wedding-related. Or any event related.

    And I agree with everyone else; your mom's plans at this point are pretty rude. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, that is correct. Only people who are going to be invited to the wedding should be invited to any engagement parties or showers.

    Please don't feel bad that the wedding you are having is not enough for her. What you are doing with your wedding is perfectly etiquette approved and a party doesn't make a wedding. 2 people getting married does.

    Agree with PP, your mom can throw a party at any time, and invite whoever she wants. It doesn't have to be wedding related. 
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