We're going through a weird money situation as well (didn't want to thread-hijack).
FI and I are
planning a wedding we're capable of paying for ourselves. FIs parents
have very generously offered to pay for the RD and a large portion of
the reception, which was not necessary, but we're appreciative.
My mom
(BSC) had offered us a sizable amount, which I declined due to the imminent threat of crazy strings (kind of like silly string, if silly
string was emotionally weighted and mind-fuckingly manipulative).
Even
though we didn't go into this process expecting any help, and we can
completely afford to pay for our own wedding, I think FI is feeling a
little resentful. He hasn't said it in so many words, but it seems like
he thinks it's unfair that my family may be credited with hosting, when
we've straight-out refused their money. I think he'd also prefer our
bank accounts to shrink less. It's one thing to say in theory that we'll spend a certain amount on the wedding, but in reality it's painful to cut large checks out of hard-earned savings. We've had a few 'managing expectations'
conversations, and he says that he gets it - that the money wouldn't be
free. But, without having had extensive experiences with someone like my mom, I don't think he fully appreciates how much we would regret it down the road.
Beyond maintaining the stream of 'money is never free', does anyone have any suggestions for this one?
Edited for spelling. Eminent and imminent are very different words.