I've lost the enthusiasm

Re: I've lost the enthusiasm

• CMGragain member

  

  June 2015 edited June 2015

  spglsp said:

  I'm less than two weeks out from my wedding and I don't have it in me anymore. The past nine months have brought out the absolute worst in so many people around me and I'm just so tired. I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now, I just want to marry the love of my life and maybe never talk to half of these people again. Does anyone have any advice on how to be excited about our wedding again? Or at least how to not dread it anymore?

  You sound so much like me approaching my wedding day.
  Hang in there.  It will be worth it.  My 39th anniversary is in two weeks, and I will take out my professional photo album, and remember how young and thin I was, and how my DH had hair.  My wedding day was totally stressful, but I survived it, and we are happily married.  Have a glass of wine and think about your honeymoon.  (We didn't have one - just a mini-moon in Kansas City.)
  There are a lot of brides with friends and family that make weddings difficult.  You have lots of company.  There is no such thing as the perfect wedding.  There is no such thing as the perfect family.
  
  1.  You will look beautiful in your dress.
  2.  You will marry the love of your life.
  3.  You won't have to live with any of these people.
  4.  The building will not catch fire and burn down.
  5.  Keep smiling, and everybody will think you are wonderful.  ("Grit your teeth and think of England!" - Queen Victoria )
  
  Best wishes!
  
  

  

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• lnixon8 member

  

  June 2015

  Is there anything you can cut out from your to do list? 

  
  

  I'm five days away and the more things I skip the better I feel. Designing a program doesn't seem like a huge ordeal but when your mind is running 100 miles a minute, choosing to not have them just feels awesome. Are there DIY things you can buy? Few, if any, people are going to remember "special details" so if you can't completely cut things out see if you can simplify them.

  
  

  Plus, I think it's okay not to be lifelong friends with every person at your wedding. Maybe you were friends in college, or childhood besties... just because the relationship doesn't transition into something that's FOREVER doesn't mean you can't cherish good memories or memories of a certain stage in your life. *This sounds preachy but we're going through it with FI's high school friends so I know how you feel

  
  
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  June 2015

  Hire a coordinator to help you ASAP!!!!  Someone you can hand the stuff off to and just walk down the aisle...

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  June 2015

  CMG has good advice to refocus. You ARE getting married, and you DON'T have to live with these people!

  
  

  Can you take a mini vacation? Take a few days off work, skip town, maybe hit some museums or other tourist attractions; if not, maybe find a new TV show to binge-watch or get some good library books. 

  
  

  You don't have to answer your phone. You don't have to answer your doorbell. "No" is not a four letter word, so if you don't want to deal with some people, just don't. 

  ________________________________

  
  

  
  

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• spglsp member

  

  June 2015

  lnixon8 said:

  Is there anything you can cut out from your to do list? 

  
  

  I'm five days away and the more things I skip the better I feel. Designing a program doesn't seem like a huge ordeal but when your mind is running 100 miles a minute, choosing to not have them just feels awesome. Are there DIY things you can buy? Few, if any, people are going to remember "special details" so if you can't completely cut things out see if you can simplify them.

  
  

  Plus, I think it's okay not to be lifelong friends with every person at your wedding. Maybe you were friends in college, or childhood besties... just because the relationship doesn't transition into something that's FOREVER doesn't mean you can't cherish good memories or memories of a certain stage in your life. *This sounds preachy but we're going through it with FI's high school friends so I know how you feel

  I'm fortunate in that everything is just about done. I have seating charts to finalize and honeymoon kinks to work out but nothing too drastic. It's really the day itself, all the fighting between family and friends, balancing the demands and feeling like I'm letting someone down with every decision. Sometimes I get so worn out by the expectations and the responsibilities, like there are so many people who have claimed shares of our wedding and I'm stretched so thin.

  Thank you, ladies. You're right about the taking a break, focusing on the positive, and of course, the wine. I'm going to breathe and recharge

  Just Married!

  
  

  
  

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• madamerwin member

  

  June 2015

  lnixon8 said:

  Is there anything you can cut out from your to do list? 

  
  

  I'm five days away and the more things I skip the better I feel. Designing a program doesn't seem like a huge ordeal but when your mind is running 100 miles a minute, choosing to not have them just feels awesome. Are there DIY things you can buy? Few, if any, people are going to remember "special details" so if you can't completely cut things out see if you can simplify them.

  This is excellent advice. I almost had a level 5 meltdown yesterday because I found out that my mom and stepmom wanted to get their hair done, but they never told me, and the hair dresser won't have time (yes, I know, not meltdown-worthy, but I am super stressed about tiny details). 

  
  

  Is there anything you can cut out? Do you have friends or family who have been asking if/how they can help?  I am terrible at delegating, but after yesterday's freak out, my sister just told me she would take care of coordinating hair appointment times, she would take the lead in any decor setup, etc. So I took it at face-value and let her take on what she wanted to help with. I feel 100% better today vs. yesterday.

  
  

  If you're like me and don't like delegating (i.e. I would rather do everything myself), but people are offering to help, take them up on it! Now, I am NOT advocating recruiting helpers or asking people to help get things done, but if you have anyone actively volunteering, let them help you.

  
  

  And FMIL, who  has been staying with us for the last couple of nights, keeps telling me that she and my sister will take care of anything I am too stressed to deal with, and that I need to let go of the minutiae. She has also been reminding me to chill, and that this is supposed to be fun. Then she hands me a drink. I got lucky in the MIL department, clearly.

  

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• Wegl13 member

  

  June 2015

  CMGragain said:

  spglsp said:

  I'm less than two weeks out from my wedding and I don't have it in me anymore. The past nine months have brought out the absolute worst in so many people around me and I'm just so tired. I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now, I just want to marry the love of my life and maybe never talk to half of these people again. Does anyone have any advice on how to be excited about our wedding again? Or at least how to not dread it anymore?

  You sound so much like me approaching my wedding day.
  Hang in there.  It will be worth it.  My 39th anniversary is in two weeks, and I will take out my professional photo album, and remember how young and thin I was, and how my DH had hair.  My wedding day was totally stressful, but I survived it, and we are happily married.  Have a glass of wine and think about your honeymoon.  (We didn't have one - just a mini-moon in Kansas City.)
  There are a lot of brides with friends and family that make weddings difficult.  You have lots of company.  There is no such thing as the perfect wedding.  There is no such thing as the perfect family.
  
  1.  You will look beautiful in your dress.
  2.  You will marry the love of your life.
  3.  You won't have to live with any of these people.
  4.  The building will not catch fire and burn down.
  5.  Keep smiling, and everybody will think you are wonderful.  ("Grit your teeth and think of England!" - Queen Victoria )
  
  Best wishes!
  
  

  
  Ooh, Errrm... @CMGragain .... So my middle school church (I went to catholic school) actually burned down in the middle of someone's rehearsal (it got struck by lightning). Yeeeeeeah. Don't speak evil over the poor girl!
  Anyways but seriously, she's right! And bonus, if the building does catch fire and burn down, you can run off and elope and not have to deal with all those people!

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• HappyinLove56 member

  

  June 2015

  My wedding is in 9 days and I have had similar feelings from time to time.  Planning a wedding takes a lot and sometimes it is stressful!  At my final dress fitting, I told one of my bridesmaids that I wouldn't recommend planning a wedding to anyone- just elope.  Don't feel like that most of the time but it's a bit overwhelming.  Breathe and lean on your fiancé for support.  My future hubby looked at me yesterday and said he was so glad we were going to be married.  SO much more important than a seating chart.  :-)

  
  

  One more piece of advice- just let some of it go.  I let my mom do some of the odd things she wanted to do.  Just ain't a hill i'm willing to die on.  Not worth it.  If it isn't worth it, let it go. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  June 2015

  Yup, totally felt the same way. There was a ton of problems leading up to my wedding, and it was stressful and sucked. What helped me is exactly what everyone else has said; refocus, take a break, ask for help, and for me it helped to take some time to yourself or with your FI. Just a dinner where we turned off our phones and didn't talk about any of the drama was really helpful.
  
  And I went and got my nails done and had a glass of wine by myself at the salon.
  
  Good luck. Even though there was drama leading up to the wedding, the day was great, and most importantly we were married, and that's amazing.
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  You're marrying the person of your dreams. That's plenty to still be excited about, even if it's been hell getting to that point. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  July 2015

  jgrace8611 said:

  You're marrying the person of your dreams. That's plenty to still be excited about, even if it's been hell getting to that point. 

  "Person of your dreams" cracks me up!!!  Wolverine is the person of my dreams.  Occasionally Legolas the Elf is the person of my dreams, sometimes my dreams include Aragorn and Boromir, too.  But the man I am marrying is not the person of my dreams.  My Dream Man weighs less, has more hair, cleans more often, wears less plaid, is independently wealthy, takes me to travel a new country every month or two, and has a huge parcel of land in the mountains including a stream, lake, chickens, and goats.  The man I am marrying is, however, the right man for me, I love him like crazy, can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, and we really do complement each other in all the most important ways.  But he is not the "person of my dreams."

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• blushingbride8888 member

  

  July 2015

  I can only imagine how I'll be when I get to your point since I'm already tired and cranky and over it. Anything you don't ABSOLUTELY need? Cross it off your list. I feel giddy when I decide I don't care enough to do something and cross it off my list and make it easier on myself. Shut your phone off for a while and bean dip those who won't stop with the wedding detail talk if it's stressing you out. Goodluck and congrats! You get to marry your Fi and in spite of all the stress that's so exciting and fantastic.

  

  
  

  

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