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Morning after breakfast

pennydlpennydl member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Not sure if this post should go here in Etiquette or Food, so if moderators feel it should be under the food discussion, please feel free to move it.
We are having our wedding at a hotel. For guests staying there, they have a breakfast buffet, which is included in their room charge. We would like to invite our OOT guests, local family and the WP to join us the morning after. The hotel has told us, it's fine to invite non-hotel guests to breakfast, however, there's a charge. Which I expected and am ok with. The issue, after seeing how many potential guests we would invite for this, I don't think we can afford to pay for everyone. Is it ok to only invite a handful of people? Or is it ok to let guests know this is where FI and I will be having breakfast the day after, at such and such time, this is the price per person, feel free to join us if you are able.

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Re: Morning after breakfast

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    pennydl said:
    Not sure if this post should go here in Etiquette or Food, so if moderators feel it should be under the food discussion, please feel free to move it.
    We are having our wedding at a hotel. For guests staying there, they have a breakfast buffet, which is included in their room charge. We would like to invite our OOT guests, local family and the WP to join us the morning after. The hotel has told us, it's fine to invite non-hotel guests to breakfast, however, there's a charge. Which I expected and am ok with. The issue, after seeing how many potential guests we would invite for this, I don't think we can afford to pay for everyone. Is it ok to only invite a handful of people? Or is it ok to let guests know this is where FI and I will be having breakfast the day after, at such and such time, this is the price per person, feel free to join us if you are able.

    "We'll be having breakfast at our hotel at 9am.  If you're not a guest of the hotel, the buffet costs $10.  If you're awake and interested, I hope you'll consider joining us.  If not, have a safe trip home, we're glad you could join us for the wedding!"
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    pennydl said:
    Not sure if this post should go here in Etiquette or Food, so if moderators feel it should be under the food discussion, please feel free to move it.
    We are having our wedding at a hotel. For guests staying there, they have a breakfast buffet, which is included in their room charge. We would like to invite our OOT guests, local family and the WP to join us the morning after. The hotel has told us, it's fine to invite non-hotel guests to breakfast, however, there's a charge. Which I expected and am ok with. The issue, after seeing how many potential guests we would invite for this, I don't think we can afford to pay for everyone. Is it ok to only invite a handful of people? Or is it ok to let guests know this is where FI and I will be having breakfast the day after, at such and such time, this is the price per person, feel free to join us if you are able.

    I'd just go with the bolded. You're under no obligation to host anyone for breakfast. It can be word of mouth; doesn't need to go on a website or anything. In my experience, unless people ARE staying at the same hotel as the happy couple, people often don't go for yet another wedding event. 
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    adk19; just spread by word of mouth that they're welcome to join you for breakfast around x time at x location, and the cost is y. That will convey that it's informal and not hosted by you, so you are not covering the cost. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    novella1186 said:
    adk19; just spread by word of mouth that they're welcome to join you for breakfast around x time at x location, and the cost is y. That will convey that it's informal and not hosted by you, so you are not covering the cost. 
    Another vote for @adk19's suggestion.
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  • pennydlpennydl member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Wow, thank you all for the quick responses, I appreciate it. The only thing is, which I probably should have mentioned in my original post, the hotel would like to know how many extra people would be there. I was thinking of including an extra RSVP card along with the RSVP's for the wedding. We've already ordered and received our invites, so the breakfast RSVP would be something I would create myself. Would that piece be tacky?
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  • beachyone15beachyone15 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    pennydl said:
    Wow, thank you all for the quick responses, I appreciate it. The only thing is, which I probably should have mentioned in my original post, the hotel would like to know how many extra people would be there. I was thinking of including an extra RSVP card along with the RSVP's for the wedding. We've already ordered and received our invites, so the breakfast RSVP would be something I would create myself. Would that piece be tacky?
    Doing that would make it look like you are hosting. Do they need an exact number, or can it be a ballpark (around 20-30)?


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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You can't make people RSVP to something you aren't hosting.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    beachyone15 said:
    pennydl said:
    Wow, thank you all for the quick responses, I appreciate it. The only thing is, which I probably should have mentioned in my original post, the hotel would like to know how many extra people would be there. I was thinking of including an extra RSVP card along with the RSVP's for the wedding. We've already ordered and received our invites, so the breakfast RSVP would be something I would create myself. Would that piece be tacky?
    Doing that would make it look like you are hosting. Do they need an exact number, or can it be a ballpark (around 20-30)?
    This. If I were a guest and an RSVP card was included for breakfast, I would expected that breakfast to be hosted -- and paid for -- by you. 

    How far in advance does the hotel need a count? Is it possible to call your guests to give them a heads up about the breakfast (with the wording mentioned above) to see if they'd be interested? And then give the hotel a ballpark, as beachyone suggested? 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    pennydl said:
    Wow, thank you all for the quick responses, I appreciate it. The only thing is, which I probably should have mentioned in my original post, the hotel would like to know how many extra people would be there. I was thinking of including an extra RSVP card along with the RSVP's for the wedding. We've already ordered and received our invites, so the breakfast RSVP would be something I would create myself. Would that piece be tacky?
    In this case, don't invite extras.  I wouldn't know six weeks ahead of time (when I was responding to the wedding invitation) whether or not I'd be hungover or super sleepy or just not feel like treking back to whatever hotel to get a crappy hotel breakfast.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    STARMOON44 said:
    You can't make people RSVP to something you aren't hosting.
    This. If you aren't hosting, the invite should be word of mouth and casual. And you can't ask for an RSVP. 

    I would just gauge general interest and tell the hotel a ballpark figure. 

    We went to a big coffee shop and just told some people where we'd be. It worked well because we didn't need to tell the coffee shop how many people would be there or whatever. It was a lot easier logistically. I wouldn't have done a meal thing because it means people have to be there at a certain time, you need a # for a big enough table, etc...
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Let me ask you this. Is this your only hotel and are the only people staying there out of towners? If that's the case, I would presume that everyone not staying is local, and therefore people you can see pretty much whenever you want. To be honest, if you were my friend and I lived nearish to you, I wouldn't stay at the hotel and I wouldn't trek there and pay for my breakfast just because it's the morning after your wedding. 

    So, honestly, I think you just enjoy breakfast with people who booked that hotel and don't worry about seeing other people. No need to invite anyone to pay for their breakfast. You'll see them at your actual reception. You'll see them when you're back from your honeymoon. It's all good. 
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  • pennydlpennydl member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Thank you all again for the advice. When FI and I had talked to the Catering Manager about this, I did get the impression that they did want a final headcount. I will inform my mom and FMIL about all this so they can spread the word, and we will just give the hotel a rough estimate of how many people will be there. To thisismynickname, we haven't sent out our invites yet, so other than my parents, and my FI and I, I'm not sure if any local guests will be staying at our venue hotel. But it is not the only hotel where we have a block of rooms set up. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Once you attach anything (like an RSVP) to your wedding invitation, it becomes part of the event, where you would need to extend the invitation to all your guests. It also implies you are hosting.

    Is this hotel breakfast something that anyone could walk into off the street? If so, I'd spread it by word of mouth.

    If not, or a reservation is required, I would leave it be and have breakfast with whoever happens to be staying there. Otherwise, you take on the role of hosting (and paying). 
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