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NWR- Just found out my little sister is Preggo

Dottie05Dottie05 member
Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Chit Chat

We just found out that my sister (she just turned 21) is pregnant. I was the first to know because she was freaking out and called me to come over. She ended up taking 5 tests (all positive) and one of them told her she was 1-2 weeks so very very early.

Support wise - She and baby will be FINE. Her and the dad are off and on but nothing scary or really to worry about. He immediately started discussing all of the things he will be changing or doing for the baby.

However she is scared to death about miscarrying. She is the first of my siblings to have a baby and knows that friends of ours miscarried their first child and so did my mother and that while sad, it is a very common thing. She also knows that she found out super early and that makes her even more scared. She has a Dr. appt. on Monday so hopefully that will alleviate some of her fears.

My point is, does anyone have any advice on anything I can do to help her? I feel pretty helpless and dumb on the subject because I just don't have any personal experience. I thought about getting her something small and sweet but I am just so unsure!

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Re: NWR- Just found out my little sister is Preggo

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    It's hard to tell from your post.... is this a wanted pregnancy? If so, then I think you just be excited along with her. If not, then she might need a lot of emotional support and non-judgmental "safe zone". 
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  • Dottie05Dottie05 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Dottie05 said:
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
    Gotcha. She's so early that right now, just be excited for her. You could offer to go to appointments with her, but it sounds like that might be a good way for the baby's father to be involved. 

    I'm pregnant. I literally needed nothing but information in my first trimester. 

    Why is she so worried about miscarrying? Because someone she knows miscarried? I mean, miscarriage is a risk with any pregnancy, but it doesn't sound like she has a legit medical reason to be concerned. You can support her here by helping her find a doctor and helping her come up with a list of questions (this one included) to ask that doctor.
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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think just be supportive no matter what. My sister had a "chemical" pregnancy, meaning she found out she was pregnant with an early test and then had her period a few days (maybe it was a week) later than normal. She and her H were trying to get pregnant and when that happened she was pretty broken up over it and when she got pregnant again a couple months later she was extremely stressed throughout the first trimester over the risk of miscarriage. So I kind of get where your sister is coming from. Just be there for her, talk to her, listen to her. She's young and hopefully healthy and the risks are minimal (although miscarriage can happen to anyone).

    I definitely agree with PP's about coming up with a list of questions. Maybe after her appt set a date to go to a bookstore and check out some books on pregnancy and parenting. I know my sister loves to just research everything and having a book really settled her nerves. 



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  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Congrats to your sister!

    Miscarriages are really scary to so many women, so what she's going through is totally normal. Unfortunately they are common - affecting about 20 percent of pregnancies, and even "low-risk" women are often affected. I say this not to scare you or your sister any more, but I do think that we, as a society, don't talk about miscarriage often enough or openly enough, and many women who experience it feel too scared or ashamed to discuss it with someone they love. Your sister has opened the door to you by expressing her concerns and I think the best way to support her is to simply say "Chances are that everything will be fine, but I'm here for you no matter what happens".
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  • randomsloverandomslove member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    My sister is also pregnant and worried about miscarrying. She's 24 and this is her second child (her son is six), but she had a miscarriage last year and every woman in my family has had an early-term miscarriage (early enough it would typically fall under the "chemical/nonviable pregnancy" category of miscarriage with a few exceptions-- my sister was told that the fetus stopped forming at six weeks and she had to go in for pills at eight weeks to make her body give up the fetus, which I think made it harder on her). Early-term miscarriages are typically a sign that the fetus is just not going to form correctly and a child would not survive birth. They happen to women all the time, but we aren't usually aware because our body miscarries them before we would usually think of testing.

    It sounds cold explaining it this way, but it's true. While there is absolutely no reason for your sister to think she will miscarry, if (and this is still a pretty big "if") she happens to miscarry, the biggest thing you can do is tell her that it's normal and doesn't mean she can't have children in the future. That is, of course, after she's done mourning the loss.

    After my own chemical miscarriage (which I only knew about because I was two days late and my ex had broken up with me, so I panicked and took a test, went in for the blood test, and three days later got my period-- thank God I had also decided I wouldn't tell him until after I had an ultrasound), I looked into the reasons women miscarry. Other than nonviable fetuses, women in their early 20s can also neglect their health more than women who are older-- less sleep, worse food, more alcohol, etc.-- though those are very small numbers.

    Tell her to keep calm and just look after her health and reduce risky behavior. There is literally nothing else she can do.

    ETA: Also, congrats on having a little niece or nephew soon. I see you said she's the first sibling to have a kid. Children can be pretty awesome blessings.





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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Dottie05 said:
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
    Gotcha. She's so early that right now, just be excited for her. You could offer to go to appointments with her, but it sounds like that might be a good way for the baby's father to be involved. 

    I'm pregnant. I literally needed nothing but information in my first trimester. 

    Why is she so worried about miscarrying? Because someone she knows miscarried? I mean, miscarriage is a risk with any pregnancy, but it doesn't sound like she has a legit medical reason to be concerned. You can support her here by helping her find a doctor and helping her come up with a list of questions (this one included) to ask that doctor.
    The legit reason to be concerned is because it happens all the time. I had no risk factors or "legit" reasons to be concerned until I had one myself. And not just a miscarriage, an Ectopic Pregnancy resulting in emergency surgery. No risk factors, no family history.

    I think this line of thinking is why people are so hush-hush about pregnancy loss. Don't make it seem like she is overreacting by thinking she may lose the pregnancy. I will never, ever be able to be pregnant again without being terrified.
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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Your title has me craving carbs right.

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    My SIL had the same fears. I told her that I would be here for her no matter what happened.  I don't know what my SIL needed, so I just there for support.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    sarahufl said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Dottie05 said:
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
    Gotcha. She's so early that right now, just be excited for her. You could offer to go to appointments with her, but it sounds like that might be a good way for the baby's father to be involved. 

    I'm pregnant. I literally needed nothing but information in my first trimester. 

    Why is she so worried about miscarrying? Because someone she knows miscarried? I mean, miscarriage is a risk with any pregnancy, but it doesn't sound like she has a legit medical reason to be concerned. You can support her here by helping her find a doctor and helping her come up with a list of questions (this one included) to ask that doctor.
    The legit reason to be concerned is because it happens all the time. I had no risk factors or "legit" reasons to be concerned until I had one myself. And not just a miscarriage, an Ectopic Pregnancy resulting in emergency surgery. No risk factors, no family history.

    I think this line of thinking is why people are so hush-hush about pregnancy loss. Don't make it seem like she is overreacting by thinking she may lose the pregnancy. I will never, ever be able to be pregnant again without being terrified.
    OP's question was "my sister is worried about having a miscarriage, how can I support her?" So what's your advice? To tell her "well you should be worried because miscarriages happen all the time"? To tell her about the bad experiences people have? Even though the risk miscarriage is lower than carrying to term?

    Of course some pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the vast majority don't. So someone should spend the first weeks/months/duration of their pregnancy having major anxiety and stressing out about miscarrying?
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:
    sarahufl said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Dottie05 said:
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
    Gotcha. She's so early that right now, just be excited for her. You could offer to go to appointments with her, but it sounds like that might be a good way for the baby's father to be involved. 

    I'm pregnant. I literally needed nothing but information in my first trimester. 

    Why is she so worried about miscarrying? Because someone she knows miscarried? I mean, miscarriage is a risk with any pregnancy, but it doesn't sound like she has a legit medical reason to be concerned. You can support her here by helping her find a doctor and helping her come up with a list of questions (this one included) to ask that doctor.
    The legit reason to be concerned is because it happens all the time. I had no risk factors or "legit" reasons to be concerned until I had one myself. And not just a miscarriage, an Ectopic Pregnancy resulting in emergency surgery. No risk factors, no family history.

    I think this line of thinking is why people are so hush-hush about pregnancy loss. Don't make it seem like she is overreacting by thinking she may lose the pregnancy. I will never, ever be able to be pregnant again without being terrified.
    OP's question was "my sister is worried about having a miscarriage, how can I support her?" So what's your advice? To tell her "well you should be worried because miscarriages happen all the time"? To tell her about the bad experiences people have? Even though the risk miscarriage is lower than carrying to term?

    Of course some pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the vast majority don't. So someone should spend the first weeks/months/duration of their pregnancy having major anxiety and stressing out about miscarrying?
    Of course you shouldn't tell her to be worried. But your comment basically was that since she has no "legit" reason that she should not worry.

    I never said they SHOULD worry, just that a lot of people do and saying they shouldn't sort of diminishes her feelings about it. IMO, it is better to just say that you hope nothing bad happens and that you are there to support someone rather than wondering about what reasons they may have to worry.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    sarahufl said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    sarahufl said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Dottie05 said:
    It was unexpected and not planned for sure. She went from "This isn't real life and not happening" to "I'm so scared something will happen to my baby" in about a two hour timespan after the initial shock. So baby is definitely wanted.
    Gotcha. She's so early that right now, just be excited for her. You could offer to go to appointments with her, but it sounds like that might be a good way for the baby's father to be involved. 

    I'm pregnant. I literally needed nothing but information in my first trimester. 

    Why is she so worried about miscarrying? Because someone she knows miscarried? I mean, miscarriage is a risk with any pregnancy, but it doesn't sound like she has a legit medical reason to be concerned. You can support her here by helping her find a doctor and helping her come up with a list of questions (this one included) to ask that doctor.
    The legit reason to be concerned is because it happens all the time. I had no risk factors or "legit" reasons to be concerned until I had one myself. And not just a miscarriage, an Ectopic Pregnancy resulting in emergency surgery. No risk factors, no family history.

    I think this line of thinking is why people are so hush-hush about pregnancy loss. Don't make it seem like she is overreacting by thinking she may lose the pregnancy. I will never, ever be able to be pregnant again without being terrified.
    OP's question was "my sister is worried about having a miscarriage, how can I support her?" So what's your advice? To tell her "well you should be worried because miscarriages happen all the time"? To tell her about the bad experiences people have? Even though the risk miscarriage is lower than carrying to term?

    Of course some pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the vast majority don't. So someone should spend the first weeks/months/duration of their pregnancy having major anxiety and stressing out about miscarrying?
    Of course you shouldn't tell her to be worried. But your comment basically was that since she has no "legit" reason that she should not worry.

    I never said they SHOULD worry, just that a lot of people do and saying they shouldn't sort of diminishes her feelings about it. IMO, it is better to just say that you hope nothing bad happens and that you are there to support someone rather than wondering about what reasons they may have to worry.
    I didn't say she shouldn't worry or diminish her feelings about it. 

    What I said was that it doesn't sound from OP's post like she has a medical reason to worry (OP said she's a healthy 21 year old and her reason for worrying is because a friend miscarried), but that OP can help her sister out with her concerns by helping her find a doctor and helping her make a list of questions - this being one of them. 
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  • Dottie05Dottie05 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Thanks everyone for the advice!
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