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How much should we pay for?

ThxSugarThxSugar member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
This might be a question for the Destination Wedding board, please move if it is in the wrong spot.

My fiance and I are still playing around with ideas, so all of this is hypothetical. I just want to know what proper etiquette would be before I plan something stupid.

We know we want to get married in the mountains, probably near Asheville. We know we have at least 65 family members coming from out of town. We have contacted many venues that are full service, some with lodging some without. There are hundreds of cabin rental companies, some that do group rentals, have catering companies, do corporate retreats/ wedding regularly. I was thinking that if we could get a group of cabins near eachother we could have the wedding at one of these rentals, on the lawn or deck. But I would think it would be at one of the larger locations, some have like 6 bedrooms, so it would probably be one of the places shared by family. We would rent a smaller place, just for the two of us. If we were able to get group rates or a block of cabins (not quite sure how they do groups yet) who should pay for that particular cabin?

Should we pay for the whole weekend? Just that one day? Would some people be offended that we payed for some people housing and not theirs? I think we should pay for at least one night, like an inconvenience discount, but dont want people to be upset.

I am sure I am not explaining this very well. Please let me know if you have questions or if I can clarify something. Here is what I was looking at. http://www.carolinamornings.com/large-group-rentals.asp

Tl;dr: Should guests pay for their lodging if wedding takes place on their vacation rental property?
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Re: How much should we pay for?

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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    Knottie1430505628 said:
    This might be a question for the Destination Wedding board, please move if it is in the wrong spot. My fiance and I are still playing around with ideas, so all of this is hypothetical. I just want to know what proper etiquette would be before I plan something stupid. We know we want to get married in the mountains, probably near Asheville. We know we have at least 65 family members coming from out of town. We have contacted many venues that are full service, some with lodging some without. There are hundreds of cabin rental companies, some that do group rentals, have catering companies, do corporate retreats/ wedding regularly. I was thinking that if we could get a group of cabins near eachother we could have the wedding at one of these rentals, on the lawn or deck. But I would think it would be at one of the larger locations, some have like 6 bedrooms, so it would probably be one of the places shared by family. We would rent a smaller place, just for the two of us. If we were able to get group rates or a block of cabins (not quite sure how they do groups yet) who should pay for that particular cabin? Should we pay for the whole weekend? Just that one day? Would some people be offended that we payed for some people housing and not theirs? I think we should pay for at least one night, like an inconvenience discount, but dont want people to be upset. I am sure I am not explaining this very well. Please let me know if you have questions or if I can clarify something. Here is what I was looking at. http://www.carolinamornings.com/large-group-rentals.asp Tl;dr: Should guests pay for their lodging if wedding takes place on their vacation rental property?
    If you're using the big cabin as your wedding venue, then yes you should pay for it yourself. I can't imagine having someone else rent/pay for a house and then saying, "Hey, thanks for paying for that, I'm gonna use it to throw a party now." 

    Guests generally pay for their own accommodations. 

    As to the bolded, it's no one's business what you spend your money on, and if you don't tell them about it then there's no way for them to know. Although if they found out and got upset, I'd say they're being out of line. 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Etiquette is that guests are responsible for their own lodging. However, if you tell people they have to stay at a certain venue, then you should pick up the bill. If you say nothing, the onus falls on them. 

    So unless you have the budget to pay for lodging for your guests, I would not tell them to stay at this place. What you COULD do is book your own lodging and then send that link to guests and let them figure out it.

    If they decide to rent a house together, fine. If not, fine. Either way, you don't end up getting stuck in the middle. Sometimes organizing that kind of stuff can be a disaster. Focus on the wedding.
    *********************************************************************************

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    ThxSugarThxSugar member
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    Most of these places have a 3 day minimum. I was thinking it would be a shame to rent it for the wedding and then have it sit empty for 2 days and that some people would like to stay but they certainly don't have to. Everyone else would just get the link to where ever we set up a room/ cabin block.
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    ThxSugarThxSugar member
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    adk19 said:

    Since if you let everyone book their own space, you can't guarantee that someone will get together to book the big cabin, you better book it yourself.  Book it for as long as you think you'll want it.  If that's all weekend, book it for all weekend.  If you don't mind if another group (like, having nothing to do with your wedding) has the big cabin on Friday night and you only want it after 3pm on Saturday night, then only book it for that one night.  Since you're booking it, you can offer the rooms to whoever you choose; bridal party, your family, his family, your friends who are always poor, the people with kids so the kids can sleep close by while the party is happening downstairs, the late night partyers who aren't going to mind having  a late night party in their living room, whatever.  But you should not expect anyone to pay you back or reimburse you for your rental of the big cabin.

    Thank you. This is what I thought but didn't know if it would be rude to offer free lodging to some guests but not others.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    I would book the big cabin yourself and then you can invite anyone you like to use it.  But it would be up to everyone else to pay for their own accommodations.  And I agree with @adk19: don't expect reimbursements from anyone for renting the big cabin.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Knottie1430505628 said:
    Since if you let everyone book their own space, you can't guarantee that someone will get together to book the big cabin, you better book it yourself.  Book it for as long as you think you'll want it.  If that's all weekend, book it for all weekend.  If you don't mind if another group (like, having nothing to do with your wedding) has the big cabin on Friday night and you only want it after 3pm on Saturday night, then only book it for that one night.  Since you're booking it, you can offer the rooms to whoever you choose; bridal party, your family, his family, your friends who are always poor, the people with kids so the kids can sleep close by while the party is happening downstairs, the late night partyers who aren't going to mind having  a late night party in their living room, whatever.  But you should not expect anyone to pay you back or reimburse you for your rental of the big cabin.
    Thank you. This is what I thought but didn't know if it would be rude to offer free lodging to some guests but not others.
    Nope, not rude.  Also, nobody has to know.  If it was me, I'd be offering it first to my adult single cousins since they'd probably end up sharing a room/cabin with their parents if I didn't.  Then a room would be offered to a couple of our friends who are chronically poor.  And I'd consider keeping a room vacant in case something crazy happens, like the nearby hotel overbooks and someone is left without a place to stay.  Or just leave it for someone who gets a headache and needs to lie down, or someone who was supposed to drive home but indulges too much and needs a place to crash.  Or for yourself or your FI in case you want to sleep separately the night before the wedding.  (I think it's silly, but some people like that.)
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Knottie1430505628 said:
    Since if you let everyone book their own space, you can't guarantee that someone will get together to book the big cabin, you better book it yourself.  Book it for as long as you think you'll want it.  If that's all weekend, book it for all weekend.  If you don't mind if another group (like, having nothing to do with your wedding) has the big cabin on Friday night and you only want it after 3pm on Saturday night, then only book it for that one night.  Since you're booking it, you can offer the rooms to whoever you choose; bridal party, your family, his family, your friends who are always poor, the people with kids so the kids can sleep close by while the party is happening downstairs, the late night partyers who aren't going to mind having  a late night party in their living room, whatever.  But you should not expect anyone to pay you back or reimburse you for your rental of the big cabin.
    Thank you. This is what I thought but didn't know if it would be rude to offer free lodging to some guests but not others.
    Nope, that would be fine. Give it to your WP or immediate families or some other VIPs. I would also not make a big deal out of covering theirs and ask them to keep it to themselves, just to avoid any feelings.

    My sister did something similar in TN. She found a venue that sat next door to a "neighborhood" of cabins that could be rented. (I say cabin, but these were actually fully equipped houses that just look rustic.) She rented a large cabin for immediate family and hosted the RD there. She circulated the website for the company that managed rentals to the rest of the guests. Some people rented cabins, some stayed at the hotel in town. 
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    yogadevilyogadevil member
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    Are there other lodging options besides the cabins nearby? With a large guestlist people might appreciate options.

    If I was told I needed to stay in a certain accommodation and possibly have to share that accomodation with either family or random guests I wouldn't expect to have to pay for it, maybe that's just me though. I like options :smile:

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    ThxSugarThxSugar member
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    We don't have anything set in stone yet, we are just starting to look at venues. But if it does end up being in the ashville area, there is an abundance of hotels. The term cabin is used loosely too, a lot of these places have gourmet kitchens and other comfort amenities. There are all styles, from one bedroom rustic to condos to 8 bedroom monstrosities. Guest would be free to stay where they are comfortable, if we go that route.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Agree- as long as there are options and you are not expecting your guests to stay anywhere, leave the lodgings up to them. You can inform your guests of what is available, get some room blocks if able, but otherwise let guests pick and pay for their own accommodations. Which will also be WAY less stressful on you.

    I'd book the big cabin for your weekend and offer it to the WP and immediate family. 
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    If anyone is staying somewhere, they need to be able to use the space they way they would anyplace they are staying. This might be an issue for your throwing your wedding there. What if they leave some dirty clothes in the living room, which you want to use for pictures? Or they want to shower at 4pm for a 5pm wedding, but you're planning to be using the bathroom then for touchups? Personally, I would not want guests staying in the actual area I'm using for my wedding venue!

    If you want the space, you should rent it. And if you offer it to anyone to stay there (whether for free, or if you get them to pay), you have to expect them to actually use the space and not tip toe around your wedding plans. 
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    ThxSugarThxSugar member
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    MandyMost said:
    If anyone is staying somewhere, they need to be able to use the space they way they would anyplace they are staying. This might be an issue for your throwing your wedding there. What if they leave some dirty clothes in the living room, which you want to use for pictures? Or they want to shower at 4pm for a 5pm wedding, but you're planning to be using the bathroom then for touchups? Personally, I would not want guests staying in the actual area I'm using for my wedding venue!

    If you want the space, you should rent it. And if you offer it to anyone to stay there (whether for free, or if you get them to pay), you have to expect them to actually use the space and not tip toe around your wedding plans. 

    Good points. We will certainly keep them in mind if we decide to go this route.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Good point @MandyMost.

    If you want the big cabin for your wedding, keep it separate for your wedding (besides maybe offering rooms to immediate family or the WP- people who would be similarly involved in the wedding vs. general guests). 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    To keep things easy I would find a venue where that has lodging available or where there are plenty of lodging optiond near by and let them do all the work of preparing the food, decorations & clean up, parking, etc. This way your reception will end at a specific time not when everyone feels like going back. No hurt feelings on who had to pay for lodging or not. And no one gets stuck with clean up duty either. Another key thing is, that everyone gets privacy for getting ready or going to bed. If you have your heart set on a big cabin wedding, stay some where else & put the room aside for the bridal party to meet at & get ready in the morning of the wedding.

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    ThxSugarThxSugar member
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    Editing on my mobile. Responses in bold, hopefully.
    Erikan73 said:

    To keep things easy I would find a venue where that has lodging available or where there are plenty of lodging optiond near by and let them do all the work of preparing the food, decorations & clean up, parking, etc. We are looking at several venues like this. While they might be "easier", they have more stipulations. Like curfew. This way your reception will end at a specific time not when everyone feels like going back. This is exactly why we don't want to be tied to a venue. It is not uncommon for us (siblings, cousins, friends) to stay up till dawn when we get together. Especially after not seeing eachother for a couple years. Not everyone would be staying there and are still free to go whenever they want. Even FI and I will retreat to our space whenever we please. No hurt feelings on who had to pay for lodging or not. And no one gets stuck with clean up duty either. Another key thing is, that everyone gets privacy for getting ready or going to bed. If this were to be a possibility, there would have to be a firepit or somesort of outdoor living space. We aren't indoor people unless weather makes it impossible. Idk, if you looked at the link in the original post but it looks like privacy would not be a concern. If you have your heart set on a big cabin wedding, nope, just throwing around options stay some where else & put the room aside for the bridal party to meet at & get ready in the morning of the wedding.

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