Couple Invited but Not Their Adult Kids....Oh the Wrath

Knottie23990628 · June 2015

Hi All,

I sent my invitations out for my wedding in July and people have started to receive them. One of the my mom's friends called my mom and told her how offended she is that we didn't include her adult children on the invitation.

When I was growing up, I used to take dancing lessons at one location and then singing lessons at another location. This person's daughter and son were in my singing group. We were friends back then, but not very close. We also went to the same high school but were not close then either. After that, I haven't seen or talked to either of them in over 10 years. It's only their mom that stayed friends with my mom. Just FYI, this person is also known to create a stir in my cultural community.

I'm inviting some people I used to dance with because I actually have a friendship/relationship with them and their parents are friends with my parents.

Anyway, the aforementioned person called my mom and yelled at her for "not overseeing who I was inviting." That planning "weddings should not be left only up to kids to plan". She then said "I decline your invitation because you disrespected my family" and hung up on her. I feel bad for my mom because she's now a bit stressed out over this, since this person will gab all over our community about this. I tried calling her myself to be gracious and offer an invitation, but cannot get her on the phone (didn't leave a message).

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks.

southernbelle0915 · June 2015

What would I do? Well, I would mark her down as a 'no' and move on.

It sounds like she has a reputation for stirring the pot. And causing a scene has probably worked for her at other times. Don't reward her behavior by changing your plans. The arts kids aren't invited. Period. End of story. Do not let your mom cave to this woman's childishness.

Jen4948 · June 2015

She's BSC.

I'd stand firm and not invite her kids. And I'd just accept her no RSVP for herself and her SO.

SP29 · June 2015

Agreed. She's BSC. Her children do not deserve an invite. I would also not cater to her poor behaviour. She is the rude one for expecting an invitation.

I know you are worried about the cultural community you are part of, but since you have mentioned "she's known to the stir the pot" I bet you even if she blabs to other people they are going to realize she is the one being ridiculous.

The only person I would talk to is your mom and reassure her that nothing has been done wrong, you are sticking fast to your invite list and this woman and her husband will be a no.

downtondiva · June 2015

No one outside of you, your fiance, and your respective families should ever have any say over the guest list. This woman had no right to demand that her children be invited; do not change your plans just because of her. Accept that she's not coming, tell your mom to quit worrying, and move on.

banana468 · June 2015

If she's going to make a stir does it matter?

APDSS22 · June 2015

Even if you invited them they would have received separate invitations as adults. So congratulations on getting crazy to RSVP no because I'm sure she would've found something else to be upset about that might've blown up on your wedding day. Now you can kick back and enjoy the day.

Stop trying to pacify her, it only enables her to walk all over you and you didn't want to invite her kids for perfectly valid reasons. Even if you did give in, she would probably blow up over you B listing them (which is an etiquette no no.)

OliveOilsMom · June 2015

Knottie23990628 said:

Hi All,

I sent my invitations out for my wedding in July and people have started to receive them. One of the my mom's friends called my mom and told her how offended she is that we didn't include her adult children on the invitation.

When I was growing up, I used to take dancing lessons at one location and then singing lessons at another location. This person's daughter and son were in my singing group. We were friends back then, but not very close. We also went to the same high school but were not close then either. After that, I haven't seen or talked to either of them in over 10 years. It's only their mom that stayed friends with my mom. Just FYI, this person is also known to create a stir in my cultural community.

I'm inviting some people I used to dance with because I actually have a friendship/relationship with them and their parents are friends with my parents.

Anyway, the aforementioned person called my mom and yelled at her for "not overseeing who I was inviting." That planning "weddings should not be left only up to kids to plan". She then said "I decline your invitation because you disrespected my family" and hung up on her. I feel bad for my mom because she's now a bit stressed out over this, since this person will gab all over our community about this. I tried calling her myself to be gracious and offer an invitation, but cannot get her on the phone (didn't leave a message).

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks.

Only reassure your mom that you all did nothing wrong in not inviting the adult children. As PP said, even if she blabs, people in the community will see through her craziness, like always. I wouldn't even try and contact this crazy person again. She should have realized that she was only invited as your mother's friend.

YogaSandy · June 2015

Knottie23990628 said:

Hi All,

I sent my invitations out for my wedding in July and people have started to receive them. One of the my mom's friends called my mom and told her how offended she is that we didn't include her adult children on the invitation.

When I was growing up, I used to take dancing lessons at one location and then singing lessons at another location. This person's daughter and son were in my singing group. We were friends back then, but not very close. We also went to the same high school but were not close then either. After that, I haven't seen or talked to either of them in over 10 years. It's only their mom that stayed friends with my mom. Just FYI, this person is also known to create a stir in my cultural community.

I'm inviting some people I used to dance with because I actually have a friendship/relationship with them and their parents are friends with my parents.

Anyway, the aforementioned person called my mom and yelled at her for "not overseeing who I was inviting." That planning "weddings should not be left only up to kids to plan". She then said "I decline your invitation because you disrespected my family" and hung up on her. I feel bad for my mom because she's now a bit stressed out over this, since this person will gab all over our community about this. I tried calling her myself to be gracious and offer an invitation, but cannot get her on the phone (didn't leave a message).

What would you do in this situation?

Thanks.

___________________________ SITB _________________________

I WOULD NOT be inviting her children. Under no circumstances would that happen. It is rewarding her tantrum. She is rude to your mom, so you appease her? Nope. If this happens, it sets a precedent - it allows her to act horribly and still get her way.

AddieCake · June 2015

Screw her. She's in the wrong and has just shown her ass to your mom.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

This person isn't a real friend to your mom and just isn't a good person all around. My mom is really, really good friends with her neighbor. They've been friends for over 15 years and live two houses away from each other. I know this friend very well. I know her kids, who are in my age range, but I don't know that well enough to invite them to my wedding. We invited just my mom' friend and her husband. When this friend's son was getting married, she invited my parents only. I was not invited because I'm really not friends with the groom.

My mom's friend (who is really my old neighbor) is so excited for my wedding. She's excited for me. She's excited for my mom. She's happy for everyone involved. Real friends are happy for one another and would never cause issues or drama.

Instead of stressing about this, let your mom know it's better to have negative people out of your life. It hurts to cut ties with a friend, but sometimes it is for the better. As for "gabbing" all over town, I wouldn't worry about that either. She probably has a reputation for this type of behavior and attitude.

YogaSandy · June 2015

And even if she does gab, what's she going to say? Those horrible people invited me and SO but not my kids? People will know her kids are adults, even if they don't there's nothing wrong with that. People will know that, regardless of whether she has a reputation of that or not. So really, NBD.

XrebeccaX · June 2015

This happened to my brother and sister-in-law. Several neighbors of the bride were invited but not their adult children and SOs. Most were fine with it but a couple neighbors threw a fit. Not to the extent of the woman mentioned in the OP but they kept on and on about it until finally my SIL told them - days before the wedding - just to come to the reception. And they showed up!

climbingsingle · June 2015

This lady sounds like a huge asshole. What would I do? Forget about it and move on. Hopefully she'll be out of your lives forever.

Couple Invited but Not Their Adult Kids....Oh the Wrath

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